


and it slips through loose fingers

by ar_lath_ma



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Childhood to Adulthood, Dalish Elven Culture and Customs, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, Long, Mage Inquisitor (Dragon Age), Major character death - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Modern Girl in Thedas, Original Character(s), Out of Character, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Romance, Sisters, Slow Burn, Trauma, With A Twist, character starts out young, cullen rutherford - Freeform, long fic, will be explicit later when everyone is of a consenting age
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:21:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 54,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23479147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ar_lath_ma/pseuds/ar_lath_ma
Summary: "Amaryllis wondered — not for the first time, nor the last — why misfortune seemed to follow her everywhere she went."Amaryllis is nine years old when she dies. Until the next moment, when she opens her eyes and realizes she’s lying on the forest floor, naked. Not knowing what to do or where she is, she walks, hoping to find someone who can help her, when she stumbles upon these people long ears she has only ever seen in video games. A woman informs her that they are “Clan Lavellan.” It’s then, she realizes, how far from home she truly is.This is a MGiT (Modern Girl in Thedas)Future Cullen/OC and Solavellan.Explicit rating because of FUTURE romance.
Relationships: Cullen Rutherford/Original Character(s), Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character(s), Female Lavellan/Solas, Iron Bull/Dorian Pavus
Comments: 189
Kudos: 222





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had this plot bunny early this morning and HAD to write it. This is only the beginning.  
> Should I be writing my adoribull big bang fic? Yes. Am I? No, because I'm horrible. but I needed this. It was so fun to write and I can't wait to write more.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this. UNEDITED, of course. I'm looking for a beta for it though!  
> PLEASE leave a comment if you enjoyed it. PLEASE tell me what you would like to see in this story. I'm taking suggestions :) 
> 
> leave a kudos if you enjoyed it, as well :)

“ _Andraste preserve me. I must send you to him,_ ” could be heard through cheap, tinny speakers for what could have been the millionth time, for all Amaryllis knew. Her sister had a gross obsession with a video game character that she never understood.

“How many times have you watched this part?” She asked Akasha around a mouthful of Skittles and flopped back onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Dried pieces of putty were stuck, pattern-less across the white wall where stars and moons used to be, when she and Akasha would go “star-gazing.” But the stars had fallen, and her sister had never replaced them. “I swear I hear this guy’s voice more than yours.”

“Not that many times,” Akasha rolled her eyes at her sister but sighed dreamily at the screen of her desktop, cheeks flushing pink as the two characters held each other tightly. When the cut-scene was over she saved it and exited the game. Her background was yet another photo of the same blonde guy with an ugly lip scar. “I have to romance him every time I play, he’s perfect, and he helped me get over Solas.”

“Who?” Amaryllis pushed her chestnut brown hair back with sticky fingers, grimacing when the strands stuck to her palms. She wiped her hands on her sister’s sheets and hoped she wouldn’t notice. “Is that the bald guy?”

“Yeah, Lis, the bald guy.” Akasha laughed. “He’s a heart-breaker.”

“What’s that blonde guy’s name again?”

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford,” her sister said with a regal tone, stretching her arms over her head as she stood. Her back cracked a little, and Amaryllis winced. “And I will be Mrs. Cullen Stanton Rutherford, just you wait.”

“You’re weird. He isn’t even real!”

“A girl can dream.” She sat down on the bed beside Amaryllis and stole a handful of candy from the bag, ignoring her younger sister’s protests. “He’s my ideal type.”

“He looks dumb,” Amaryllis said, pulling the bag away and sticking her tongue out at Akasha. 

“You look dumb,” she retorted, reaching over and snagging the Skittles from behind Amaryllis, who screeched indignantly. 

“That’s rude! Mom said not to call people names!”

“I didn’t, and you said it first, ya dope.”

“You’re supposed to be a role model, Kash,” Amaryllis said, taking on the chastising tone of their mother. “You’re sixteen years old. When are you gonna grow up?”

“Says the _baby,_ ” she sneered, pushing Amaryllis back with her elbow so hard that the younger girl fell from the bed with a loud thump that left her rubbing her sore bottom. 

“I’m not a baby, I’m _nine_!” 

“Try that again when you’re finally a teenager. Until then, you’re a baby, _baby_.”

Amaryllis opened her mouth wide, brows furrowed in anger, ready to scream _Mom!_ when she yelled from the bottom of the stairs, “Girls, it’s time to go! Get your coats!”

“I don’t wanna go,” Amaryllis grumbled, crossing her arms with a pout. “It’s cold. I just wanna stay home.”

“Dad just got a promotion, Lis, and mom said he’s going to take us to _Olive Garden._ ”

Amaryllis stood quickly at that. “No way! I call all the breadsticks!”

“Over my dead body!”

She ran as fast as her skinny little legs would take her, down the stairs to the front door, pulling on her warm boots and grabbing her coat from its hook. Akasha bumped her lightly with her hip, grinning when she stumbled and fell to one knee. She reared her fist back to punch her sister in the leg but Akasha jumped away faster than a rabbit, curly brown hair bouncing as she went. 

Her mother turned the corner, pulling on her own coat, and smiled. Thin lines creased beside her eyes and mouth. She hated them, called them her puppet lines, but Amaryllis had always thought they made her look like she smiled a lot, which was true. Mom had always been a happy person.

“Come on, Lis, your dad is waiting for us at the restaurant. Don’t want to make him wait too long, or he’ll eat all the salad.”

Amaryllis growled, “NO!” before she took off out the door. Her mother shut and locked it behind her, still laughing as her daughter slid across the icy sidewalk and into the open door of the backseat, streaking snow and dirt from her boots across the fabric. 

“Lis, ew! You got my seat dirty!” Akasha yelled and pulled her sister over by the sleeve of her jacket, dragging her across the spot she had dirtied. Her pink coat was stained with salt residue, which just made the spot worse. “You’re nasty. Wash that thing for God’s sake.”

“It’s not dirty! And I need it, it’s cold outside! This coat is the warmest one I’ve got!”

“I bought you that other one, the black one from Penny’s,” her mother said from the driver’s seat, popping her seatbelt into the clip. Amaryllis and Akasha did the same, though not before the older leaned over to tickle her sister under her knee, where she was most sensitive. Amaryllis squawked, much like a chicken, and laughed loudly. “I’ll wash your coat tomorrow, so wear the black one to school for now.”

“Ugh, I don’t like that one. It’s so ugly.” She whined, kicking the back of the seat a bit as she pouted. Akasha rolled her eyes and took her phone from her pocket, slipping her earbuds in and turning up her music loud, so loudly that Amaryllis could hear every word the singer was screaming, though she couldn’t understand the lyrics. Her mother reached for the radio as well and turned on whatever station was playing “hit 80’s,” effectively drowning out her daughter’s whining with _A Flock of Seagulls_. 

Amaryllis sighed and leaned her elbow upon the door, pushing herself up to look out the window. It had been a long, dreary winter. When it snowed, it either turned to slush or didn’t pack together well. She hadn’t made a snowman since last winter, and Akasha had refused to help her try. It has rained that morning too, so whatever snow they had gotten overnight was ruined by the ice that crusted over. Thanks to the ice, they hadn’t had school that day, but the roads seemed to be cleared already. Pennsylvania winters were something to be coveted, she thought. In how many other states did kids get so many days off school?

They lived in a decently sized town outside Pittsburgh, far enough away that they weren’t bothered by the influx of Steelers fans in the fall, but close enough that they could always smell the smoke from the factories. 

“Mom, can you turn on the heat?” Akasha asked, rubbing her hands together to try and warm them. “It’s freezing in here.”

“It only takes ten minutes to get to the restaurant, Kash, and it’s already been five. Just wait.”

She scowled and put her feet up on the back of the chair, turning her music up louder than Amaryllis ever thought it could go. She was surprised her sister’s eardrums hadn’t exploded yet. That’s what her dad said would happen when you listened to loud rock music. 

As they approached the downward slope of the hill towards the bridge crossing the river, her mother cursed, “Shit,” and pressed slowly on the brakes, coasting down the road as slowly as she could. The sky had darkened early, as it always seemed to, and so by six o’clock it was pitch black, save for the street lights. Her mother cursed again. “Hell, it was warm enough this afternoon to melt the ice and I know for a fact that PennDOT came through here earlier with salt. It shouldn’t be this slippery.”

Amaryllis gripped the belt across her chest tightly and tried to keep her eyes away from the windshield. Her mother looked back quickly at her through the mirror and smiled. “Don’t worry, Lis. Mama’s got this. I’ve driven enough winters in this town.”

When they finally got to the bottom all three breathed a sigh of relief and laughed. Mom sped up slowly and began to cross over the bridge. Amaryllis had always hated bridges. Ever since she was little, well, _littler_ , she’d had horrible nightmares about crashing into the guardrail and falling into the Susquehanna, drowning. So, she hated bridges, and especially this one in particular. The railing was short and while it looked like strong metal, it wasn’t enough to appease her worry. 

“See? Mama got it. We’re fine, right?” She flashed a wink at Amaryllis who smiled back nervously, still holding tightly onto her seatbelt. She stared straight ahead through the windshield to the end of the road, where she could see the bridge meeting land. Just one minute, and they’d be across. Her mother noticed how tense she was and started talking, trying to distract Amaryllis. “Now, what do you want for dessert? Maybe we can all get a slice of cheesecake with the strawberry topping? I know how much you love —”

It all happened so suddenly that there was no time to react before they went flying.

Amaryllis had always been led to believe that in an accident, everything happened in slow motion, like in the movies. Every action in the scene meant something, like the person had had enough time to think things through before they moved, ultimately saving everyone. But it was nothing like she had thought.

One moment her mother was talking, glancing at her through the mirror, grinning while she talked about cheesecake of all things while Akasha had been bobbing her head to the sound of drums, mouthing the lyrics to one of her favorite songs, when they were hit from behind. The car spun, round and round and round, sliding with a distinct lack of sound across icy pavement until it slammed right into the railing, which broke just as easily as Amaryllis had always feared it would. 

They sat precariously on the edge for a split second, not long enough to catch their breath or for the sisters to realize their mother was unconscious and bleeding from a gash across her face from where her face had met the steering wheel. The airbags hadn’t activated.

And just like her nightmares, they slid forward with a screech, taking air for a moment before the car landed in the freezing waters of the river. Akasha’s phone had gone flying across to the center console, blaring heavy metal. Their mother was slumped against the steering wheel, unmoving.

It was a long, tense moment before either girls could move. Water had already begun seeping in. 

“Shit shit shit,” Akasha whispered and attempted to unbuckle herself with trembling fingers. She missed a few times before it finally came free and she immediately dove forward towards the front, shaking the mother’s shoulder. She didn’t react. “Mom? MOM? Oh fuck oh shit, oh my god,”

Amaryllis hadn’t moved an inch. Her gaze was stuck to the floor in the front where murky waters had already begun seeping in, knuckles white as she gripped her seat-belt even harder. 

“Lis, unbuckle yourself and open the door,” her jaw was shaking, lips quivering, and tears were streaming down her cheeks. “AMARYLLIS! Move!”

With shockingly steady hands, she unbuckled herself and reached for the door, pulling hard on the handle.

It wouldn’t budge.

“Kash,” she cried. The car was moving ever so slowly, coasting down the river with the current. “Kash, it won’t open.”

“Push the lock button.” Akasha was busy trying to lift her mom up and out of the seat, jostling the car so much that it began to sink that much faster. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,”

Amaryllis pushed the button and tried again. Still, the door didn’t open. “Akasha, the door won’t open.”

“God damn it,” she hissed and let go, pulling the handle over and over until the realization hit her. “Driver’s side lock. Mom locked it when we got in.” 

She pulled their mother harder than before, ripping the sleeve of her coat in the process. But she was just one teenage girl, and Amaryllis was just a child. There was no way they could lift a grown woman out and into the backseat, then into the water and attempt to swim to shore while keeping their heads above the water. Amaryllis could see understanding cross her sister’s face and she let go of their mother, instead leaning across her to try and reach the driver’s lock. Water streamed in steadily through the cracks in the door, and the car began to tip forward. Sinking.

“Shit, I can’t get to it,” she yelled, stretching her arm towards the front door as far as she could. Their mother was too much in the way, she had to be moved first. “I’ve got to break the window. I’ve got to try.”

She sat back into her seat and took a deep breath. Akasha closed her eyes and slammed her elbow into the glass as hard as she could, but all it did was rock the car and cause her to scream in pain. “Again, again, I can do it again,”

“L-Let me try, I can try.”

“Keep trying the lock and try to wake mom up.” She slammed her elbow into the glass again. The water was licking at their ankles, taunting. 

“Mom,” Amaryllis punched her mom’s arm as hard as she could, but nothing happened. She didn’t sit up or groan or yell at her for hitting her mother. She did nothing at all. “MOM!” Amaryllis kept pulling at the door handle, shoving her skinny little body against the door in the hopes that it would break open. 

“FUCK!” Akasha screamed, sobbing, bashing her elbow against the glass one, two, three, four times, but all it did was bruise. “No, please, no. We have to get out.”

“Try the other door,” Amaryllis said with a trembling voice, half-heartedly shaking their mother’s arm. “Kash, I think mom is dead. I think she’s dead.”

“Don’t say that, don’t.” She begged, stretching her arm through the space between the passenger’s seat to the door handle, but it was locked too, like she knew it would be. “No no no!”

The car tipped forward further, and water began to spill in from the back doors, covering half of the windows. Amaryllis could see flashing lights from the bridge, but they quickly disappeared, and everything went pitch black. 

She was soaked up to her chest. Her hair was wet, sticking to her clammy cheeks, and her jaw was shaking. “Kasha?”

Her older sister’s fingers found hers and pulled her close, hugging Amaryllis against her chest. She could feel Akasha’s heartbeat against her chin. “Yeah, Lizzy-bear?”

She pressed her face against Akasha’s shirt and wailed. “I-I’m scared.”

“Didn’t you see the lights? They’re coming for us.” She reassured Amaryllis, running a comforting hand lightly over her damp hair. “It’s okay. We’ll be okay.”

“Akasha, I love you.” Fat hot tears slid down her cheeks to her chin, dropping off into the water, which had risen to her shoulders.

“I love you too, Lis. Even when you wiped your grubby hands on my bed.”

She giggled, a bit hysterical, and pushed her face harder against Akasha’s collarbone. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, I like your dirty little face. You’re my favorite sister.” Akasha pressed a kiss against her hair with quivering lips. 

“I’m your _only_ sister.”

“Exactly.”

It had reached her chin already. Amaryllis lifted her head up and tried to breathe what little air they had left. 

They held each other for what seemed like an eternity but was likely only a minute or so. Amaryllis spared a thought for their mother before she realized just how high the water had gotten, and how they were not both struggling to keep their mouths above it. It wouldn’t be long now. 

Amaryllis scrambled to grasp her sister’s hand again, grip unyielding even though it hurt. 

When the water finally overtook them and they began to panic, they didn’t let go. When Akasha seemed to float, and her lungs burned hotter than a fire, Amaryllis still didn’t let go.

The last thing she remembered as she finally took a breath and water entered her lungs, turning them to ice, was the feeling of losing her grip on her sister and her consciousness, like sand slipping through loose fingers.

  
  
  
  


There were trees above her. A thick green canopy, blocking out a majority of sun. Birds sang from the trees, too loud, like screeching, and Amaryllis clapped her hands over her aching ears. Her heart beat wildly in her chest, as if she had been running up a long flight of stairs. With a start, and a stick poking her bottom uncomfortably, she realized where she was. 

It was a forest, obviously, full of tall trees of a size she had never seen before. She sat up, dazed, and blinked away fuzzy tendrils of sleep, rubbing at her eyes with balled fists. The ground was covered in a thick blanket of grass and moss that bounced a bit under her naked feet when she stood. 

Naked feet. Naked legs. Naked… what had happened to her clothes? 

Her body was streaked with dirt, as if she had been dragged through mud, and she hurried to cover herself though there seemed to be no one around. She began walking, looking around in a stupor but the forest seemed never-ending, and she began to panic.

“Akasha?” She called out, stumbling over a thick root that seemed to be reaching out towards her. Amaryllis stopped to stare a moment but it didn’t move, and she knew it to be a trick of her mind. She was afraid. “Mom?” She yelled again, cupping her shaking hands over her mouth. She could taste dirt on her tongue, the crunch of soil between her teeth. Her tongue was dry. “Dad? Mom! Akasha! Dad! Someone!”

The forest was silent around her. Even the birds had stopped singing. 

She whirled around, searching, screaming, crying, but the woods stayed silent save for the soft crunch of her step. Amaryllis took off into a run, dashing in and out and around the mighty trees but all they did was drop leaves and shake their limbs. She pushed herself harder, screaming “Mom! Dad! Kash! Akasha!” as she ran, tearing through the brush when suddenly a root tripped her up and she fell, scraping her knee along its rough bark. 

Amaryllis laid in the dirt, trying to catch her breath, when she finally noticed how much her feet hurt. She sat up to look at them and saw blood smeared across her toes, her soles torn up and oozing, and the nail of her big toe split down the middle, dirty from where it had made contact with the root. The pain was nothing compared to the hollow feeling in her chest and the hopelessness that came with it.

Mom was dead. She knew that. So was Akasha. And she should have been, too. 

So where was she? 

It couldn’t have been heaven, no, it was too real: the bark of the tree too rough against her skin, the moss too spongy under her feet. It was real. How had she made it into a forest?

Amaryllis dropped her head into her hands and sobbed, unaware of the snot dripping from her nose, mixing with the dirt spread around her face. If she hadn’t died, then she was going to. Stuck in a forest, all alone, with no one around to save her. Just like before.

A light tap at her shoulder had her sitting up straight, head springing up in surprise. “Mom!” 

She pulled her legs and arms in tighter around her to cover her body when her blurry green eyes met another’s. A woman’s.

Amaryllis froze for a moment, terrified into still silence. The woman leaned closer. Her long white hair fell forward across her shoulders to the front of the strangest shirt Amaryllis had ever seen. It looked like it had been cut from a burlap sack, ends frayed, but the color was a muted red instead of tan. She wore a short sleeved cardigan over it, off-white embroidered in gold, with pants to match. It wasn’t her choice of clothing, though, that surprised Amaryllis the most. No, it was her eyes, wide and ethereal, a brighter blue than the sky in spring, and her ears, which elongated at the tip, pointing upwards.

She burst into tears again, chest heaving with the force of her emotion. Gentle hands caressed her arms, pulling bits of debris from her matted brown hair. When her crying didn’t seem it would end, the women pulled her closer and into her arms, shushing her as she rocked her gently back and forth, attempting to soothe her like a mother would. Like her mother would. 

“Oh, _da’len. Ga te’son,_ everything is alright. Do not fret. I will help you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UNEDITED.
> 
> Please, if you're enjoying this, leave a comment or a kudos. I'd love to hear from you :)
> 
> Send me prompts at cullensawkwardneckscratch on tumblr!

The white-haired woman picked Amaryllis up, uncaring of the dirt caking the girl’s skin and cradled her against her chest, though Amaryllis was more than half the woman’s size, and began walking. She seemed to glide effortlessly through the grass, barely jostling the child in her arms. 

“What is your name, _da’len_?” She asked.

“Amaryllis.” The girl murmured against her shirt, coughing at the dryness in her throat. 

“Well, it is nice to meet you, Amaryllis. That is a beautiful name. I’m sure that under all of this filth you resemble the flower you were named after.” 

They were slowly approaching what looked to be a small clearing. Amaryllis made out the tips of tents that looked tall enough to stand in, the same color of the trees, a deep leafy green with the rich brown of the trunks, like the camouflage pants her dad wore when he left in the early mornings to go hunting with his friends. She remembered the way he smelled when he came home after, of tobacco and dirt: earthy. She wondered if that was what she smelled like now. 

“My name is Keeper Deshanna.” The woman said, stepping past the line of trees. She walked forward, past a fire where a few people sat cooking until they noticed the Keeper and then their mouths dropped open in surprise. “These are my people: my clansmen. They are my family.” 

Amaryllis turned her head slightly to the side and took in the sight before her. She hadn’t noticed during their approach the strange carriages shaped like boats. They even had sails — bright red with intricate golden designs, lines spreading across like the blinding rays of the sun. She couldn’t look away. These people, their home, was like nothing she had ever seen before. 

They entered one of the tall tents and Amaryllis found herself sat upon a bed of furs lining the ground. They were incredibly soft. It was then she noticed just how weary she was, though anxiety and adrenaline coursed through her, forcing her heart to thump heavily against her rib-cage. 

Deshanna, the Keeper (whatever that was), went to the other side of the tent where there were crates and trunks and clay pots. She opened the trunk and rifled around inside, setting smaller clay pots and piles of white linen to the side, closing the lid quietly. More long-eared people filled the entrance of the tent, blocking the sunlight so Amaryllis had to squint to adjust her eyes to the newly darkened space. She pulled her knees in towards her chest and wrapped her arms around them to hide her body from onlookers.

“Keeper,” One man began, stepping inside, his expression a mix of anger and confusion. “You brought a _shem_ child here? You’re putting us all at risk!”

“Mihris, this child was in the woods, all alone, crying out for her family. You can see that she is defenseless. It is our duty to help those in need.”

“Those of our _own_. She couldn’t even pass for half-blooded, her cheeks are too round, and she is far too big. It could be a trap! What will happen when the humans come for her? We could be killed!” The man, Mihris, threw his arms out in righteous anger. His hair was shaved along both sides but long on top, pulled into a loose bun. She noticed the lines upon his face, then, a dark black tattoo that stretched across his face from chin to forehead like thorny branches.

“If it comes to that, I will handle it.” The Keeper lifted the supplies and brought them to the girl’s side, attempting to push Amaryllis’s matted hair back away from her muddy cheeks, but it was stiff to the touch and fell right back into place. She noticed Keeper Deshanna’s own tattoos then, but they were so faint that it was no wonder she hadn’t seen them before. They looked like scars, carved into her flesh in intricate swirls. Amaryllis shuddered. It must have hurt. “Would one of you please fetch something for her to wear, and some cloth and water so she may wash?”

A woman with long black hair and tattoos like antlers beneath her eyes nodded, dashing out quickly. Mihris looked as if he might stomp his foot like a moody teenager for a moment, but he huffed and stormed out, coming back with a yellow dress that looked as if it had seen better days. The hem was torn and ragged, but the shoulders were ruffled, as if it had once been pretty. It reminded her of the Easter dress her mother had forced her to wear to church the year before. Mihris threw it to the ground and stormed out once more. 

The long-haired woman came back with a bowl, filled to the brim with water, and crouched down beside her, gently laying the bowl in front of the bed of furs. She dipped a cloth into the water and began scrubbing away at Amaryllis’s face, putting a soft hand against her arm when the girl jerked back. “It’s alright. I will try to be gentle.” She smiled, showing two little dimples in her angular cheeks. “My name is Faelyn. What is yours?”

“This is Amaryllis,” Keeper Deshanna answered for her. She pulled one of the girl’s feet into her lap, gently, and dipped another clean cloth into the bowl, using it to tenderly wipe across the ball of her foot. She winced in sympathy when she hit a particularly sensitive spot and Amaryllis yelped, teary-eyed. “Like the flower.”

“How beautiful,” Faelyn commented, continuing on down the girl’s neck. “I love flowers.”

“ _Da’len_ ,” The Keeper began applying some kind of herby smelling ointment to her foot, wrapping another clean cloth around it after she finished. The salve calmed the pulsing ache in Amaryllis’s foot, which caused her to relax little by little. “Do you know where you came from or why you were in the forest?”

Amaryllis shook her head, hesitating to speak. She wasn’t sure how to answer the question. Yes, she knew where she came from, but she had no idea how she hadn’t gotten to the forest, or why. 

“Do you know where your family is? Do you know their names?”

She tried to fight the sorrow bubbling up from the deepest depths of her soul, but it spilled over and out in a steady stream down her trembling cheeks. “M-My family is d-dead.”

“Oh,” Faelyn leaned closer, wrapping an arm around Amaryllis’s shoulder and brought her to rest against her chest, rubbing her shoulder as the girl sobbed. “Oh, I am sorry, little flower.”

Keeper Deshanna finished wrapping Amaryllis’s other foot and picked up the yellow dress, sitting cross-legged beside her and coaxed her out of Faelyn’s embrace. She helped the girl stick her arms and head through the holes of the dress and ran a hand down over her back in a caring gesture, then touched her tangled tresses. “I’m sorry, _da’len_ , but I think we will have to cut your lovely hair. But do not worry. With time and care, it will grow, and you will forget that it was ever gone.” 

Faelyn and Deshanna brought out small blades instead of scissors and began softly cutting it away. Amaryllis continued to cry, tears collecting in her upturned palms where they sat in her lap, unmoving. A small shadow crossed the entryway and the Keeper spoke gently from behind her. “ _On dhea_ , Ellana. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, Keeper,” The voice spoke, high-pitched like a child’s. Amaryllis looked up. “... _Babae_ said not to come this way. He said there was something dangerous in your tent.”

Deshanna sighed but laughed as Ellana stepped in. She was wearing a dress much like the one Mihris had brought for her but in a light green color. Her ears were pointed and hair brown and long, just like the others, but she had no marks upon her face. Her eyes were large and green, amber around the pupil, reminding Amaryllis of a sunflower, much more beautiful than her own boring brown.

“This is Amaryllis. Amaryllis, this is Ellana.”

Ellana stared at her inquisitively, kicking at the ground with her foot. None of these people seemed to wear shoes. “Why were you so dirty?”

Amaryllis blinked one, twice, unsure how to answer but settled for the truth, She sniffled, thankful that her tears seemed to have dried up. “I don’t know.” She mumbled.

“Why don’t you know? Did you forget?”

“... I don’t know.”

Ellana came to stand before her and sat, cross-legged like the others, so that she was directly across from her. “How old are you?”

“Nine.” Amaryllis watched her carefully, skeptically, but Ellana seemed unperturbed.

“Oh, me too! Do you like swimming?”

Amaryllis shook her head quickly, feeling the anxiety come back at full force. She could feel the water against her ankles, the shaking of Akasha’s fingers as she had held her hand, the feeling of letting go— The Keeper’s grip on her arm tightened, just a bit, but it brought her back down. She sucked in deep, painful breaths, heart racing in her chest. Amaryllis hadn’t realized she had been holding her breath. 

Ellana watched her with a mouth wide open, expression confused but apologetic. “It’s okay.” She finally murmured. “I don’t really like it, either. Do you like halla?”

“What’s a halla?” 

“What?” Ellana leaned forward, shocked, and laughed. “You don’t know what a halla is?”

“I-I’ve never seen one before.”

The Keeper chuckled and stood, along with Faelyn, and ushered Ellana to stand as well. She did so quickly, clasping her hands in front of her looking eager to please. “Da’len, why don’t we leave Amaryllis to rest for a moment while we go help the others prepare lunch?

“Yes, Keeper.” 

“I will close the tent to shut out the light so you may sleep,” Keeper Deshanna gestured for her to lay down upon the bed, pulling a white woolen blanket over her. Amaryllis was grateful for it. Though it was obviously summer time, and the air was beginning to heat up, her body felt cold. She shivered. “Would you like that?”

“C-Could you keep it open,” She asked, grasping the top of the blanket with trembling little fingers. “Please?”

“Of course, _da’len_. Now try to sleep. I will bring you something to eat, later.”

Amaryllis was surprised to find that when the others walked away and she closed her eyes, sleep came easily.

  
  
  
  


Lunch came and went and Amaryllis slept, undisturbed by the sounds of daily life around her. It was almost past dinner when Faelyn finally woke her and urged her to sit up, handing her a wooden bowl and spoon. The bowl was filled with a deep brown stew, thicker than gravy. It contained onions, carrots, and potatoes, which she was familiar with, but there were green, leafy sprigs of something that tasted distinctly like dirt, and meat that was gamy, chewy and almost grainy in consistency. She didn’t like it and pushed it around the bowl once she had finished, feeling guilty for not eating what food had been given to her. Her mother had always said it was impolite, as a guest, to not enjoy the food provided. 

Keeper Deshanna came to collect her bowl and smiled while Amaryllis looked bashful and apologetic. “It’s alright, _da’len_. Did you eat enough? Are you still hungry?”

“No, ma’am.” She mumbled, scratching at her naked scalp. Her head felt strangely light without the weight of her hair. It would take some getting used to. “I’m not hungry.”

“Good. Here, drink this.” She handed Amaryllis a cup of something cool. It was minty, just like the ointment. “The elfroot will help your feet heal faster.”

“Thank you.” Amaryllis handed the cup back after she drained it, unsure of what to do next. The Keeper just continued smiling.

The sun had gone down, but the air hadn’t cooled much. It was more humid than Pennsylvania summer, but the sun seemed to be just as bright and stinging. 

Ellana came to the opening of the tent again and kicked at the ground, seemingly a habit of hers, and looked between Deshanna and Amaryllis. “ _Babae_ left for patrol, Keeper. You said to come here after.”

“Yes, _da’len_ , thank you for listening well. You can sleep here for tonight, so you are not alone.”

“Where will you sleep, Keeper?” Ellana plopped down onto the bed, quickly making herself at home. She spread out across the blankets like a starfish. The bottoms of her feet were black with dirt.

“I have some things to do that will take some time, so I will be staying with Faelyn tonight.” She crouched in front of the girls and ruffled Ellana’s hair, then ran a hand gently over Amaryllis’s shoulder. “Sleep well, you two. I will not be far.”

“Good night, Keeper.” Ellana said. They watched as she left, tying the tent closed behind her. 

Amaryllis laid back again and tried to get comfortable, but though there were many thick furs covering the ground, it was still hard, and there were no pillows to cushion her head. Plus, there was a stranger laying beside her, close enough to touch. It was safe to say that Amaryllis was uncomfortable. 

“So, where did you come from?” The girl asked. Amaryllis could hear her shuffling around, trying to get comfortable as well. “The nearest village is quite far, and you don’t seem to have the same accent those humans do.”

“I’m not sure,” Amaryllis lied. She didn’t know these people, and though they had helped her, she didn’t know the rules of this place. It was obviously a very different place; she doubted they would have heard of “The United States.” 

“Why were you all alone? Did someone hurt you?”

“I don’t know.” She mumbled, fighting against the prick of fresh tears in her eyes. Her eyelids ached from all the crying she had done that day. 

“Do you have parents? Where’s your family? Do you know their names? What’s the weather like where you’re from? Have you been to the ocean? What’s your favorite food? Do you—”

“I don’t know!” Amaryllis tried not to yell, tried not to cry, tried to stay calm, but the other girl’s questions were incessant, annoying, and she was in no mood to answer them. She didn’t even _know_ her. Ellana would never understand what Amaryllis had gone through in such a short amount of time. “Please, stop talking. I just want to sleep.”

Ellana did go quiet, for a while. Almost long enough for Amaryllis to find control over her breathing, steady the beat of her heart, and to begin falling asleep. “ _Babae_ said not to trust you, because you’re a _shem_ , and _shemlen_ are evil. They will pretend to be friendly, pretend they will not hurt you, but will only end up stabbing you in the back. He said they are all like that. Are you like that?”

“No. I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Amaryllis turned to her side and pulled her knees in close to her chest. “What’s a _shem_ , anyway?”

“That’s what you are. A human.” The other sighed heavily. “I’ve never actually met a human before, I’ve only ever seen them from afar. You’re the first.” She paused a moment. “You don’t seem so bad.”

“I’m not bad.” She grumbled, pressing her forehead against her knee. 

“ _Babae_ said it was _shems_ that killed _Mamae_ . She went out one day to gather herbs, not far from camp, but she didn’t come back until _Babae_ and the other hunters went out looking for her. When she did come back, she was sleeping. _Babae_ and I slept beside her for three days before we lit the pyre.” It was so quiet that Amaryllis could hear the chirping of grasshoppers from outside. She imagined them happily hopping along, only to be stepped on by someone who hadn’t cared to notice them underfoot. “Keeper says it’s okay, because _Mamae_ is in the Beyond, and one day we will join her there. I still miss her, though.”

It was as if she couldn’t hold back any more, and the words just spilled out of her like a cup overflowed. “My mom and sister are gone, too. I don’t know where my dad is.”

“We could try to find him. Keeper Deshanna would help you. I would help you.” Ellana suggested. Amaryllis felt the furs shift beneath her and suddenly one was thrown over her shaking body, and Ellana was pressed lightly against her back, bringing her comfort she hadn’t known she’d needed. “Maybe you’ll remember some things. Maybe he will find _you_.”

Amaryllis thought for a moment, imagining what it would be like to see her father again, knowing that both Akasha and her mother were… dead. What it would be like to see her father as the only surviving member of the family. She shook her head quickly. “I don’t know that I _want_ him to find me.”

“It will be okay. You can stay with us until then, Amaryllis.” Ellana sidled closer until her shoulder was pressed against Amaryllis’s back.

“... You can call me Lis.” She whispered, slowly extending her legs back out, turning to lie on her back. Ellana’s hand found hers and squeezed once. Amaryllis was surprised to find that she didn’t hate it. 

“Okay, Lis. Good night.”

They were quiet for a long while, listening to the crickets and the soft whooshing of a breeze through the tree tips, when Amaryllis finally spoke again. 

“Ellana?”

“Hmm?”

“What is a _da’len_?”

Ellana laughed once, loudly, before dissolving into a fit of giggles. Amaryllis felt a smile spread across her face. Though she was in a strange place surrounded by even stranger people, it seemed she had found a friend, at least, and that brought her comfort enough to fall asleep to the sounds of a sticky summer night, and her friend, snoring away beside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I keep updating at this rate, I'll expect new chapters every 2 or 3 days. I'm still quarantined at home, have been for the past 2 months, and it isn't changing any time soon (I live in South Korea). I'm hoping to hit 50,000 words for Camp Nano with this. Who knows haha We'll see.
> 
> Comment if you liked it!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UNEDITED. Sorry if the wording may be tedious, but I'm not editing this as I go. A friend is checking it over for me, and I'll post edited chapters later.
> 
> I could also use a beta for this, if anyone is willing. I'd love to talk about it ^^
> 
> Please leave a comment if you have anything to say, anything at all! I'd love to hear it.
> 
> Send me prompts at cullensawkwardneckscratch on tumblr!

“Ellana,” Faelyn called out from the creek’s edge where she was crouched over the water, rubbing soap into a white dress. She sighed loudly when the younger girl continued playing, jumping from rock to rock across the water. She screeched as she teetered precariously on her toes, flapping her arms about like a bird until she caught herself and went on with her little game. “You promised to help me, today, yet you are bouncing around like a fox, playing in the creek. Come here and give me a hand.”

Amaryllis had offered to help as well, eyeing the water warily, but the older woman had turned her down with a smile and a pat to her shaven head. She joined the two anyway, sitting a few feet away beneath a tree with long, low-hanging branches like vines, watching from a distance. The sound of flowing water still raised goosebumps along her arms, made her heart pound and her breathing difficult, but without TV or internet, she was finding that the days went by so slowly. She would take any distractions she could find. Thankfully her new friend proved to be great at causing them

“I never get to play,” Ellana huffed, twisting around to hop back towards Faelyn, who was now using a rock to scrub away at a spot on the cloth. “I’m always having lessons or doing chores. It’s not fair.”

“You need to learn these things, Ellana, so you can do them yourself later and contribute like the rest of us. Just because you are still young doesn’t mean you can’t help.”

Ellana looked properly chastised, looking down at her feet as she kicked at the water once, then crouched down beside the woman who pulled the basket of dirty clothing closer. Ellana grabbed what looked like leggings and dipped them into the water, swirling them around. “If that’s the case, then why isn’t Lis helping, too?”

Faelyn looked at her sharply but then pursed her lips, seemingly unsure of how to answer. “Well, Lis is learning now. She is watching how we do it first.”

“Lis has it easy,” Ellana said, picking up the soap and using both of her little hands to scrub. It slipped out from under her slick fingers and she squawked, scrambling for it quickly before it was lost in the current. “She gets to just sit and watch.” She turned her head to yell back towards her friend. “Just you wait! Once you learn, I’ll make you do _all_ of my laundry!”

Amaryllis grinned and pulled up fistfulls of grass, throwing them in the other girl’s direction. The blades landed halfway across the distance between them. Faelyn laughed and worked her hands into the cloth to squeeze out as much water as she could. 

“Ellana!” A voice called out from the trees. Amaryllis heard footsteps to her right so she stood, still a bit wary of the others, and made her way closer to Faelyn and Ellana, standing off to the side and out of the way. “Ellana!” It was her father, Mihris. He scowled when he saw her but bowed slightly towards Faelyn who titled her head in greeting. “I told you to stay away from the human.”

“ _Babae_ , you went to patrol, and I promised Faelyn I would help her with the wash today. Amaryllis came along to learn.” Ellana defended. “She has to learn how to help, too, since she will be staying here.”

He shook his head angrily and ripped leggings from Ellana’s hands. Mihris stormed over to Amaryllis where she was attempting to hide and threw them down beside her. She flinched. Water sprayed across her face, but she tried to act unaffected, leaving her hands balled at her sides instead of wiping the droplets away. “She has watched enough. Now come, you have lessons to finish.”

“ _Babae,_ I promised to help, I must finish here first—”

“ _Now_.” 

She sighed and stood, wiping her hands on her legs, and stormed off towards her father, who took her hand and led her back through the trees. 

Amaryllis felt a light tug on her wrist. Faelyn smiled apologetically and motioned for Amaryllis to sit beside her. “It’s alright. Mihris will come around.”

She squatted in the same spot Ellana had been, spreading her feet further apart to keep her balance, and picked up where the other girl had left off. Faelyn bumped her lightly with her shoulder and they continued washing in silence.

  
  
  
  
  


A week later Amaryllis found herself at the creek again, laid out upon the grass in the bright afternoon sunlight, dozing as Ellana splashed around in the water. Apparently her friend had been lying when she’d said she didn’t like swimming. Ellana was like a fish and seemed to rarely need to come up for water.

Mihris was off with the other hunters setting traps which would take a few hours, so the girls finally had some time to themselves. He had been overwhelmingly protective of his daughter since Amaryllis had arrived. Mihris had gone to the Keeper multiple times and demanded they drop the human off on the outskirts of the nearest village, but she refused. She had kept her cool for the most part until that morning, when she had yelled at Mihris for doubting her decision again and again. He had stormed off angrily after, but not without stopping to glare towards Amaryllis and telling her to stay away from Ellana.

She had tried, but the other girl had dragged her out towards the stream when he’d left and refused to take no for an answer.

Ellana pulled herself up onto a rock and sat, closing her eyes and leaning back to soak up the sun’s rays. Amaryllis dug her hands into the dirt, taking fistfuls of soil and letting them fall from between her loose fingers. She could almost hear her mother yelling at her for getting dirt beneath her nails, again. The thought made her push them even deeper.

Eventually Ellana made her way out of the water and squeezed the excess liquid from her hair. She grinned and flopped down in the grass beside Amaryllis, crossed her arms back behind her head, and closed her eyes. Amaryllis did the same, scooching closer until their hips bumped together.

They fell asleep like that, in the warm summer sun, enjoying each other’s company.

Amaryllis woke abruptly a few moments later to the sound of footsteps and Mihris’s voice, yelling out for his daughter. The girls scrambled to their feet in a daze, panicked, but it was too late for them to run. Mihris had found them.

“ _You_.” He growled and stepped forward to grasp Ellana’s arm, pulling her to his side. She stumbled across the grass. “I told you to stay away from my daughter.”

“ _Babae_ we were only sleeping. I asked her to come swim with me, she didn’t do—”

“No.” He snapped and pushed Ellana behind him, turning to Amaryllis who shrunk back, afraid. “I _told_ you to stay away, _shem_. You will have nothing to do with my daughter. I will not have her associating with the likes of you. You cannot be trusted.”

Anger boiled up inside Amaryllis and she snapped, stomping her foot indignantly. “I didn’t do anything to you!” 

“You will one day,” he spat, taking a step towards her with a fist raised. Ellana reached for him but he shook her off. “And when you do, I will be there to take you down, _shem_.”

Amaryllis did not cower, then. She took a step forward as well, fists balled at her sides. Her nails dug into her palm sharply, but the pain did not ground her. She bit her lip and shook her head, stomped her foot again, but frustration got the better of her, in the end.

She closed her eyes and screamed, falling to her knees, digging her fingers into the loosely packed soil.

The sound echoed throughout the valley, sending violent shock-waves through the treetops that sent birds flying. Everything went silent as she heaved, trying to reign herself back in and when she finally opened her eyes, she saw white. 

Surrounding her on all sides like a snow globe was _ice_ . It chilled the air inside quickly and she began to shake, pushing her hands frantically against the walls as if they would just _move_ but they didn’t.

“Help,” the words fell from her chattering lips, softly at first but then louder the more she panicked. “Help! Please, help! I can’t get out! _Please!_ ”

There was no answer, no sound to indicate that Mihris or Ellana had heard her. Her chin quivered and tears ran freely down her sunburnt cheeks, stinging. 

Amaryllis fell to the ground and pulled her knees in towards her chest, squeezing her arms around her legs as she buried her face between her legs. 

Her breaths came fast and heavy. She tried to breathe in through her nose and out her mouth, like they’d done after running laps for soccer practice, but they came faster and shorter. She clenched her eyes shut and tried to count down from ten, tried to focus on the flex of her fingers against her calves, tried to think of anything but the fact that she was stuck inside a cage of ice, abandoned, when everything went eerily still.

  
  
  
  


Amaryllis awoke abruptly to the sound of breaking glass. She sat up quickly, gasping for breath, and was met by the sight of Keeper Deshanna. She was holding a long stick that curled at the top. Her hair had fallen out of its usual bun in messy strings that stuck to her sweaty skin. When she reached down through the hole she had created for Amaryllis she grasped her tightly in her arms, as if she loved her. As if she were afraid. As if she were sorry.

It was when she was safely out of the icy prison that she realized the Keeper’s eyes are no longer a light blue but a dark grey, like a stormy sky. They were filled with unshed tears. 

“Oh, _da’len_ ,” she said, running a hand over Amaryllis’s short hair in a comforting manner. “ _Ir abelas_. I did not know.”

The child hid her face in the elf’s sweat-stained shirt, wrapped her arms around the woman’s slight shoulders, and cried.

  
  
  
  
  


Her newly found magical powers were not so much confusing as they were _impossible_. Magic is something she always knew to be fake, like card tricks or levitation or pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Magic was not barriers or fire and ice, or an electrical current coursing through her fingers. But somehow, it was.

She had spent the last weeks of August following either Faelyn or Keeper Deshanna closely, learning to control her magic and flow of mana from the Keeper, and other things from Faelyn such as sewing, tending to wounds, plants that could be used to heal, and those that were better left untouched. It had been awhile since she and Ellana had more than watched each other from across the camp, the latter with a downcast, sorrowful gaze.

At the moment she was sitting in Faelyn’s aravel (the strange boat-like carriage), surrounded by boxes and boxes of dried herbs, trying to name them as she’d been taught

“And this?” Faelyn pointed towards a long green plant with many leaves. “What is this?”

“Elfroot, because it’s tall and curved like a vine, and the leaves have three parts.”

“What is it used for?”

“To accelerate healing.”

“Very good,” Faelyn praised with a smile. “You learn quickly.”

Amaryllis shrugged her shoulders but grinned back, assisting Faelyn as she began to stack the boxes back into their respective corners but the woman shooed her away, batting lightly at her arm. “Go take a break, I’ve got this. Next we can practice our meditation and try not to _fall asleep._ ” She chided with a laugh.

Amaryllis rolled her eyes a bit but nodded and jumped from the aravel, heading towards the trees to the right side of camp where the “toilets” were located. They weren’t actual seats but holes in the ground that you had to squat over and cover with dirt when you were finished, to keep away the flies. It had disgusted her at first, but she had quickly gotten used to it and found that she honestly didn’t mind it so much.

She had just finished going and was pulling her “small-clothes” back up when a small hand grabbed her and she stumbled sideways into a tree, yelping until another hand slapped over her mouth to silence her. Her heart thumped against her rib-cage, quickening like a rabbit’s.

“Shhh,” Ellana whispered, tugging again at Amaryllis’s hand until she followed her through the forest.

“Where is Mihris? You shouldn’t be here.” She said with a frown. She took a deep breath to steady herself, in through her nose, out through her mouth. It worked. Her heart beat began to slow back to its normal pace, though she was still nervous. 

“Don’t worry, Lis, he’s out on patrol again and I’m going to take us to a different part of the forest where we shouldn’t run into him. _Mamae_ used to take me here sometimes when she and the others would gather mushrooms. It’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know, Ellana.” She disagreed, but still followed along. “He seems to find you no matter where you go.”

Ellana laughed. “That’s true, but he hasn’t come to this place in a long time, and I don’t think he’ll look for us here. It’ll be fine. Trust me.”

“Alright…” 

They walked for a little while until Ellana suggested a game of tag and then they were running, in and out of the trees, laughing and playing like nothing had ever come between them. 

“You’re it!” Ellana yelled, breathless as she pushed Amaryllis a little too hard. She stumbled out of the trees, giggling, and suddenly found herself out of the forest. Before them was a path, like a road, something Amaryllis had not seen in a while. 

“It’s a road,” She stated, obviously, taking a step closer to it. There were deep wheel tracks engraved in the dirt. It was clear that it was used often. “I wonder where it leads to.”

“Don’t,” Ellana pulled her back towards the trees, shaking her head fiercely. Her face had paled and she stepped back into the shadows, as if to hide. “Don’t. This isn’t the place. We should go back.”

“Why? There’s no one here—”

“What do we have here?” A deep voice spoke from behind her and both girls jumped suddenly, swiveling to see who had come. “A little girl and a knife-ear! You must be her servant.” The man said to Ellana with a sneer that raised the hairs on Amaryllis’s arms. She took a giant step back and took hold of Ellana’s hand. She was trembling. 

The stranger was wearing bright silver armor that glinted in the sun. In the middle of the breastplate was the shape of a red sword pointing down. Amaryllis had never seen this kind of outfit outside of movies, or that game Akasha had always played, but she was sure that he was dangerous. He had a sword at his side and his eyes were dark and purple underneath, as if he hadn’t slept in weeks.

“We shouldn’t talk to strangers.” Amaryllis whispered, and the girls took another step back together. Amaryllis’s ankle slammed into a root she hadn’t noticed, and she tried not to wince. She could feel her pulse behind the flutter of her eyelids. Electricity coursed through her veins. 

“No, don’t go.” He said, suddenly before them, reaching out to grab Ellana’s arm. The girls screamed and Amaryllis kicked out on instinct but then she was on her back, gasping to take back the breath that had been knocked out of her. “I just want to talk!”

“No!” Ellana screamed and beat against his chest with a tiny fist, tears streaming down ruddy cheeks. “No, let me go!” She fought against his grip, but he was so much stronger than her, and Amaryllis was still struggling to breath.

Ellana screamed again, opening up her hands to push him away and he let her go in an instant. She stumbled back and landed on her bottom, blinking at the suddenness of it. 

When they both looked up the man was seething, lips pulled back in a tight grimace, baring his teeth, and his dirty blonde hair was gone. Smoke rose from his blackened scalp.

“A knife-ear _and_ a mage,” he laughed, fisting a hand into the front of Ellana’s dress to pull her up. “It’s my duty to deliver you, apostate, to the circle. If you come peacefully, I will promise you that you might arrive there in one piece.”

“No,” Amaryllis yelled and stood, coughing. There was a stinging sensation at her throat. Her back ached from where it had made contact with the hard ground. “You can’t take her!”

“I can,” he said. Ellana fought against him, punching left and right, and he lifted a hand as if to slap her. Instead he did nothing and she suddenly went limp, eyes rolled back in her head, limbs twitching. Amaryllis shrieked. 

“What did you do?!” She cried and threw a hand out, sending a very weak bolt of electricity flying towards him. It seemed to bounce off of his chest and into the air. He laughed again.

“Another mage? My my, this day just keeps getting better. You’ll be coming with me too.” 

He lifted his hand the same as before and Amaryllis lost the feeling in her knees, buckling forward as her eyes rolled back until all she saw was black. For a moment, she thought she was dead again, but she could feel his big fingers on her arm and her feet dragging through the dirt. She had to do something.

Miraculously, she fought through the feeling of weightlessness until she found control over her toes, then her fingertips, believing with all of her heart that they would move if _she_ willed them to. 

And they did.

She opened her eyes and threw herself down. He hadn’t been expecting that. The man grabbed for her, but he was too late. 

Amaryllis rolled to her back and pushed her palms out straight towards him, watching with satisfaction as his eyes grew wide in surprise and he lifted his hand with the same gesture as before, the one that had brought her to her knees, but she was faster. 

The armored man was encased in a block of ice, save for the hand that had taken hold of her friend. His fingers relaxed minutely, enough for Ellana to fall to the ground, still unconscious. 

Amaryllis didn’t need to look twice to know that she had killed the man. So she dove for her friend, and with newfound strength, lifted her into her arms, and _ran_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and kudos, if you'd like! :)
> 
> Also, if you could, please tell me  
> 1 thing you like  
> 1 thing you think could improve  
> 1 thing you'd like to see more of  
> 1 thing you're looking forward to
> 
> I'm looking for any sort of feedback. Thank you! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lost motivation for a bit, but I ended up being able to get this out. Hopefully you like it. I plan to go back and edit things later.  
> I'm posting this as I write, for nanowrimo.  
> If you have any advice, something you liked, something you didn't like, something you'd like to see or something you think could be better, feel free to leave a comment and let me know!  
> once again, UNEDITED. so be kind ;-;

Amaryllis ran faster than she thought her little legs could take her, especially with the added weight on her back, unsure if she was even going in the right direction. All she knew was that she had to get help. She had to get to the Keeper. 

She ran and ran, faster than she had believed she could, even faster than the time she had eaten Akasha’s secret stash of chocolate. She ran until she somehow found the clearing, the tips of the aravel’s sails, the smoke of the ever present campfire, and Mihris, who was wild-eyed and fuming. 

When he saw Ellana, limp against Amaryllis’s back, his face grew so pale she thought he might faint. Everyone seemed to come running at her at once.

There were so many hands, reaching for Ellana, taking her friend forcefully from her hands and when they did, she finally noticed how weak her knees really were and she stumbled. The adrenaline was beginning to wear off. Faelyn reached her side and brought her forward, until they were entering Keeper Deshanna’s tent and Ellana was being laid upon her bed.

“What happened?” Mihris demanded, turning to her with his cold-blooded gaze. “What have you done to her?”

“I didn’t,” she said, voice shaking with the tears running down her face. Faelyn began lifting Ellana’s dress, searching her body for any sign of injury. The Keeper came to stand beside Amaryllis and guided her to sit beside Ellana’s prone form with gentle hands. Mihris sneered and raised a fist, ready to protest but she cut him off quickly to finish her story: to explain their story. “I didn’t hurt her. It wasn’t me.”

“There was a man, a man in armor and he—” Amaryllis swallowed thickly, past the sobs clawing their way up and out of her throat, wracking her body. She fought the urge to scream, to curl into a ball and hold herself tightly together, to hide away from it all. Her hands shook where they gripped the hem of her dress. Her bottom lip quivered. “Ellana used magic — fire — she burned him and he said he would take her to a ‘circle,’ and he did something to her! She fainted and I didn’t know what to do and he was trying to take us away and I...” 

“What did he do, Amaryllis?” The Keeper asked. “What did the man do?”

“I-I’m not sure. He just,” She mimicked his gesture, hand straight, palm facing outward, and Mihris cursed. “He did that and it looked like she fainted, I tried to help but he did it to me too. It was hard to move.”

“She was purged,” Mihris said, falling to his knees beside his daughter to lay a shaking hand against her forehead. “ _Ma da’ean,_ it must have been painful for you.” He stood and exited the tent with purpose in his step, shoving the billowing flaps back angrily. 

“W-Will she be okay?” Amaryllis asked through her hiccups. She rubbed at her nose and cheeks with the back of her hand until Faelyn came to her with a cloth and softly wiped her tears away. It reminded her of how much she truly missed her mother. Her tears seemed unending. 

“Yes, she will be just fine, _da’len_ ,” The Keeper smoothed her hand over Amaryllis’s head. “Do not worry. Now lay back, let me get a good look at your neck.”

“Why?” She asked as Deshanna’s gentle yet firm grip pushed her down until she could feel the soft furs against the lines of her little body. Her eyelids fluttered shut for a moment. She hadn’t realized how exhausted she was. “I’m fine, he barely touched me.”

“You don’t feel it?” Faelyn asked, baffled. She brought a bowl of clean water, linens, and a jar of ointment to her side. The Keeper thanked her quietly and dipped one cloth into the water, squeezed out the excess, and then brought it up to dab at the expanse of skin from her neck to her collarbone. She hadn't realized her dress had been ripped at the collar, leaving her neck and part of her chest bare.

She cried out. Her eyes shot wide open and she tried to sit up but Keeper Deshanna pushed her back, gaze stern yet apologetic. Amaryllis brought her chin towards her chest and tried to get a good look whatever it was but she hissed as the movement twisted a sore part of her neck. She was hurt, but she didn’t recall it happening.

“You’ve been burned, Amaryllis.” Faelyn said. The woman didn’t need to ask how she had acquired her injury. There was only one place, one person, it could have come from. 

“It was an accident.” The girl stated. “She would never hurt me on purpose.”

“You are a good friend.”

Faelyn continued to clean her wound, dipping her fingers into the smooth, cool balm, and slid greasy digits over the girl’s collarbone. Amaryllis flinched but her eyes managed to flicker shut once more. They were too heavy to lift. 

She could hear arguing outside, shouting, and the Keeper stood with a reassuring smile before exiting the tent. She could hear the soft, steady cadence of Deshanna’s voice, soothing, placating, and the arguing decreased until all she could hear were footsteps walking in the opposite direction. 

“Faelyn,” she said in a hushed whisper, as if the breeze could carry her secret away. “I think I killed that man.”

“Shhh, _da’len_.” Faelyn said. She coaxed the younger girl’s other arm out of her sullied dress, pulled it off of her weary body, and tucked her in under the Keeper’s soft, woolen blankets. Amaryllis ran her hand over the fur in a self-comforting manner, a habit she had formed since she had arrived. The feeling reminded her of petting her grandmother’s dog as it laid snoring in front of the TV. Faelyn pressed the back of a cool hand against her forehead. “Close your eyes and rest a while.”

And so she did.

  
  
  
  
  
  


When Amaryllis came into awareness, it began with a gentle touch to her hand where it sat curled under her chin, fingers loose from sleep. It reminded her of her father, how he used to wake her in the mornings for school with a light kiss to the tip of her nose and a tickle, starting at her palms until she began to wake, stretching her arms above her, and he’d dive in to tickle her ribs. She’d wake with a laugh and a grin, feeling loved.

The touch deepened. She felt fingertips pressing against her palm, persuading her fingers to flex like a cat’s. Her eyelids were stuck shut with the thick glue of a peaceful slumber. She couldn’t find it in herself to fight against it.

“What did you find?” It was Faelyn’s voice, hushed, like the falling of snow in winter. 

“He was entirely encased in ice,” another voice answered softly. Warm. “It was remarkable.”

“Was the ice what killed him?”

“No,” the voice spoke adamantly, to the point, like the slam of a Judge’s gavel. _Guilty!_ _Not guilty!_ “I did. I killed the Templar.”

There was a stinging sensation, hot, like a sunburn, from below her collarbone to where it wrapped slightly around her neck. It ached, but not enough to wake her entirely. She shifted a bit, restlessly.

Everything went quiet for a moment but for the sound of the night’s breeze until someone spoke again, close to her ear, quiet, as if it were a secret only for her to hear. They took her other hand lightly in their own. “Thank you, Amaryllis. And I’m sorry for allowing my judgement of you to be clouded by hatred.”

Faelyn spoke, and Amaryllis could tell she was smiling. “You should say it again, when she’s awake to forgive you.”

“I may not deserve her forgiveness. But you are right. I will thank her, and apologize again, the way I know how.”

“You are a good man and a good father, Mihris. Mistakes are made. Even children understand that.” A shuffle, and then a pat on the back, or what sounded like one. 

“That’s the problem. She is just a child, and I resented her, hated her, treated her in ways unlike myself. I do not like the person I have become.”

“You have the ability to change, my friend. Starting with this.”

  
  
  
  
  


Keeper Deshanna had been right. Ellana was just fine. She woke the next day feeling hungry but well rested, and did not remember much of what had happened other than she had produced _fire_ . With her _hands_. 

It was suffice to say that Ellana was more than elated to begin “real studying” with Amaryllis, as she put it, instead of just letters and Elvhen with her father.

“This does not mean you shouldn’t study those things as well. You have more responsibility now, Ellana, to yourself and to your Clan.” The Keeper quirked an eyebrow, fighting a smile when Ellana sighed and grumbled down at her feet, kicking disappointingly at the grass. “I expect you to study twice as hard, now.”

“How come Lis gets to learn the fun things?” She whined. The expression Deshanna gave in response was stern, chastising, and Ellana immediately stopped her griping. 

“She is different, _da’len_. Amaryllis is not Dalish. She does not need to learn our language, our history, or the ways of our people.”

“Why not?” Amaryllis asked suddenly. She _wanted_ to belong. This was obviously a permanent thing, so why not? “I want to learn. I want to become one of you.”

Ellana tried to hide a grin behind her hand. The Keeper smiled, though it did not reach her eyes.

“You may learn if you wish to, Amaryllis. If that is what you want.”

“It is.”

Ellana reached for her hand and twined their fingers together until a gruff voice spoke from behind them and they quickly let go, turning to Mihris who looked far from angry. He was nervous. “Could I talk to the both of you?”

The girls nodded warily. Mihris motioned with a tilt of his head and they followed as he led the girls away from where the had been standing between the Keeper’s tent and Faelyn’s aravel around the edge of camp to the middle where the fire sat surrounded by wooden benches. He motioned for them to sit facing away from the fire and towards an open section of grass. Mihris stood before them with his hands clasped behind his back and his gaze downcast. 

Amaryllis looked over at Ellana who sat stiffly, anxious. She did not return her gaze, instead stayed staring straight ahead at her father, who had gotten to his knees before them, palms resting on his thighs. The other members of the clan gathered around the sidelines, watching quietly. Amaryllis said nothing, thoroughly confused. 

“I’ve brought you here to apologize,” Mihris began. He looked up and met their gaze then. The lines of his face no longer seemed perpetually wrinkled in anger. Instead, his eyebrows were furrowed and the corners of his mouth were pulled down in what looked like remorse. “The traditional way, in front of the Clan, to bare my mistakes before everyone, and to ask for your forgiveness.”

“ _Babae_ , it is not me you should apologize to.” Ellana said and made to stand, but her father shook his head. She frowned. 

“No, I must apologize to you as well, _da’len_. I did not trust your judgement and I forced you to keep secrets. I am sorry.”

“I forgive you, _babae_. You only did what you thought was best.”

“But it was not what was right.” He shook his head and turned to Amaryllis, who couldn’t decide whether to look him in the eyes or stare down at her hands where they sat in her lap, fingers twisting in nervousness.

She had been afraid of him until now, but seeing the guilt written across his face made her stomach twist. Amaryllis wanted to forgive him, but she hadn’t yet forgotten the hatred in his expression as he tore Ellana away from her, as he threw the leggings at the ground before her, or as she had entered camp with Ellana over her shoulder, trying to save her friend. But he hadn’t known, and Amaryllis knew that he had every right to be wary of her. Still, she knew, she was just a child. She had done nothing to warrant it in the first place. It was not her who had hurt him.

“I allowed my anger towards others to cloud my judgement. You committed no offense against me.” Mihris swallowed thickly past what Amaryllis thought to be tears in his eyes, but they did not fall. “You have had your own troubles to deal with, and yet I gave you more. I gave you reason not to trust us. You protected my daughter when I could not. You risked your life for her, yet I still did not trust your word. For all that, I was wrong. I am sorry.”

Amaryllis wasn’t sure what to say, so she didn’t speak at all. Mihris continued.

“I am sorry for the things I said to you in spite. I am sorry that I hated you, though I did not know you. I am sorry for making you feel uncomfortable here, when the Keeper welcomed you with open arms. You are only a child, and I am a grown man. I should not have done what I did. I am sorry for hurting you.”

He bowed his head and bent at his waist. The position looked awkward and painful where his knees dug into the hard, packed soil. Mihris stayed like that while Amaryllis sat, staring at the way his fingers gripped the fabric of his pants. 

Ellana leaned towards her and whispered in her ear, “You can say you don’t forgive him. You don’t have to. But as long as you don’t say anything, he won’t move.”

Amaryllis startled at that and stood quickly. She may have been afraid of him, did not like him, and though he had hurt her with his words, she didn’t think he deserved to be in pain, no matter how small. 

“I—” She paused for a moment in thought before speaking again. “Thank you for saying sorry. I… I don’t know if I forgive you, yet.” 

Ellana patted her shoulder and then went to stand before her father, taking his hand to help him up. He smiled gently towards them both. “I will be better towards you both.”

“And I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you. You were only trying to protect me.”

“I was wrong, _da’len_. It does not matter now. I do forgive you, of course.” Mihris leaned down to press a kiss to his daughter’s head and then pushed her softly towards her friend. “Now why don’t you two play for a while?”

“Really?” Amaryllis said with surprise. Mihris looked saddened for a moment but he shook it away and replaced it with another brief smile. 

“Of course, Amaryllis.” It was the first time she had heard him refer to her as something other than _shem_. A feeling of pure glee filled her and she took Ellana’s hand and they ran off into the trees, laughing all the way.

  
  
  
  
  


The girls had begun taking lessons with the Keeper and Faelyn daily. They progressed quickly, absorbing as much useful information as they could, in awe of the fact that there were things they could do now that not everyone could. They were special, and Ellana took that to heart. She had begun maturing at a much faster pace, taking her new role very seriously, though it obviously pained Mihris to see it.

“I wish you would stay children longer. The both of you.” He had said with a sigh, running his hunting knife across a whetstone to sharpen it. “Take the time to play and dream, while you can. Responsibility will come later.”

But Ellana couldn’t go back, and Amaryllis didn’t blame her for it. Their experience with the Templar had changed them, for better or for worse, she did not know. What they did know was that they needed to gain even a semblance of control over their magic, so that they would not run the risk of hurting others. That was easier said than done.

The Keeper was the only other magic user in the clan, so it was she who taught them from the early hours of the morning, encouraging them to meditate, to master their control of themselves, their emotions, the surge of their mana.

It had been another long night plagued with nightmares. Amaryllis struggled to find a comfortable position and woke, time and time again, mid-cry, mid-shout, the car, her mother, the Templar, Akasha. It was all becoming too much.

Ellana sat beneath a tree, legs crossed. Her eyes were closed and she breathed in steadily through her nose and out her mouth. Keeper Deshanna sat not far from her in the same stance, a light smile gracing her lips. Amaryllis couldn’t seem to keep her eyes closed. She fidgeted, crossed one leg over the other and then back again, and flexed her shoulders until they were sore. Finally she gave up with a huff and stood, planning to head back towards camp. Breakfast would be served soon.

“Where are you going?” Keeper asked, voice soft. She had not opened her eyes. 

Amaryllis turned towards her and shielded her eyes from the bright rays of morning sun shining through the trees. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t get comfortable, and if I close my eyes long enough, I start to fall asleep. I’m just not cut out for this.”

“Yes you are, Amaryllis. Your magic was given to you for a reason. You will learn, in time. Come, sit, try again. I will walk you through it.”

“You’ve already done that,” She couldn’t control the way her voice rose and shook in anger. Electricity flared at the tips of her fingers and she shook her hands in frustration until it stopped. “I can’t do it. I just can’t. I’ve tried every day for weeks and it’s not working!”

“Give it time, _da’len_.”

“I don’t want to give it time!” She shouted and threw her hands out. Electricity burst from her palms unbidden, crossing the short distance between them, towards Ellana and Deshanna. All she could do was watch in horror.

The Keeper was nothing if not practiced. In a split second she stood, staff in hand, and raised a barrier around them both. The lightning struck and quickly dissipated, leaving Amaryllis’s short hair standing on end. Tears flew forward, rapidly, and she began to sob. 

“I’m sorry!” She cried. Nails dug into her palms, hard, until she thought they might be bleeding. Ellana stood with a sorry expression that Amaryllis felt she did not deserve. The Keeper approached her, but she took a step back, shaking her head. “No, no, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I should be dead, I shouldn’t be here. I’m sorry. I’m sorry!”

“Lis, no! That’s not true!” Ellana burst forward, wanting to comfort her friend, but the Keeper arrived there first.

She took Amaryllis’s hands gently in her own and one-by-one pried her fingers open, running a soothing hand over the scratches in her palms until they no longer bleeding. 

“No, _da’len_. You are here because this is where you were supposed to be,” Deshanna pulled her forward until Amaryllis’s head rested against her chest, where her heart beat steadily, unafraid. The girl sobbed against her shirt, wetting the fabric with her tears. “And we are so grateful that the Creators brought you here. Our lives are better for it.”

“That’s right,” Ellana added, coming to rest her head against the other side of the Keeper’s chest, so that she could look into Amaryllis’s teary eyes. She used the back of her hand to wipe away the tracks upon her friend’s cheeks. “I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you. _Babae_ wouldn’t have become better, if it weren’t for you. You’ve helped us so much.”

“I haven’t done anything,” Amaryllis murmured, but she did begin to smile then, bit by bit, and her heart began to settle in her chest, filled with a warmth she hadn’t felt in a while. Love.

“You give yourself far too little credit,” The Keeper said and pulled back so that she could meet her gaze. She smiled at what she saw and ran a gentle hand over Amaryllis’s hair, where it had begun to grow longer. Just a few more months and it would be closer to the tips of her rounded ears. “Now, why don’t we go see what’s for breakfast?”

  
  
  
  
  


When Amaryllis had disappeared from her world, it had been late January. When she had woken in the forest, it had been early summer. Beginning of July, maybe? When she had asked the date, the Keeper had said some words she did not know: “ _Ena'vun'ise'man,_ the end of Justinian,” and Amaryllis hadn’t wanted to ask again.

The issue was, she didn’t know exactly when her birthday would be. It was a silly thought, she knew, to be worried about her birthday. But if there was one thing she could keep from the first nine years of her life, she wanted it to be the day her mother had given birth to her: August 28th. The day she had entered the world, and become part of a family. 

She wracked her brain, day and night, trying to calculate. If it was January when she left, and July when she arrived, then she had skipped forward six months. It had already been a few months since… 

She had missed her birthday, then. She was already ten years old, and hadn’t even noticed.

Amaryllis sighed and sat up in bed, scratching at her head in frustration. When she had asked the Keeper about it the day before, she had said birthdays weren’t something the Dalish celebrated. Instead they held a New Year’s ceremony once a year where they prepared a large meal and held an anointing ceremony, where the Keeper anointed those old enough to have Vallaslin — the face tattoos everyone seemed to have — with oils and they spent the night in quiet contemplation and prayer. Amaryllis had thought it sounded more than boring, to be honest, but she wasn’t surprised to hear it. The Dalish seemed to be a serious people. 

She stood with a stretch and threw the blankets back onto the bed and haphazardly pulled her leggings on under another hand-me-down she had been given. It was a long sleeved dress, the same green as their tents. It fell to her knees, though it was cut up the sides, exposing her legs. Hence the leggings. 

With a last adjustment to the rounded collar of her dress she sighed and let her hand slap against her thigh and took a step out of the tent. She found Ellana across the yard, talking to her father as he ate his breakfast. As Amaryllis approached she saw that Ellana was wearing what looked to be a brand new dress, without a speck of dirt or some sort of stain. In fact, it was a beautiful emerald fabric in the same design as Amaryllis’s current outfit, but ruby red and golden flowers embroidered the hem and coiled around the arms like a vine. She immediately felt a pang of jealousy and contemplated turning around and walking in the other direction until she saw her friend’s brilliant smile.

“Lis!” She yelled and ran forward to take her hand, pulling her toward Mihris who stood to return his bowl to those on breakfast duty that morning. He shot her a shaky smile and entered their tent. “Look, _babae_ gave me this new dress. Isn’t it wonderful?”

“Yeah,” she said with a smile that she couldn’t seem to make genuine. If Ellana noticed, she said nothing. “It’s really pretty.”

Ellana’s answering smile was brilliant. A cool breeze blew through the trees blowing browned leaves across the grass. Amaryllis made to step away and get her portion of breakfast, hoping it wouldn’t be cold already, but a hand on her arm stopped her. 

“Wait a moment. _Babae_ had something to say.”

Amaryllis blinked, perplexed, but stayed until Mihris exited the tent with one hand behind his back and another scratching at his chin. 

“I, uh,” he began, dropping his hand from his face. “You and Ellana both have been working hard at your studies. I just wanted to say that I am… proud of the progress you have made.” He stopped for a moment and Ellana nudged him with her elbow. He frowned and pulled his hand out from where it had been hidden behind his back. Mihris was holding a package wrapped in what looked to be large, brown leaves, and motioned for Amaryllis to hold out her hands. She did and he gently handed it to her. It was surprisingly light.

Mihris scratched at his chin again. “I, ah, wanted to give this to you.” His expression turned sad, wistful, and he motioned for her to open it. She did, and was shocked to see that it was the exact same dress that Ellana was wearing at that moment. “Ellana’s _mamae_ made these, long ago, for our _da’len_ to wear on a special day. I always wondered why she had made two, and for what, exactly, she had made them for, but I think I know, now.”

“Special day?” Amaryllis repeated, unable to keep her voice steady. She was crying, again, for what felt like the millionth time that month. “Is today a special day?”

“It is,” Ellana said, taking Amaryllis’s empty hand in hers. “It’s your birthday!”

“My birthday?”

“I heard from the Keeper,” Mihris said, and Amaryllis could see that he was blushing, though he tried to hide it. “That humans hold celebrations for their day of birth. We wanted to keep it a surprise but we didn’t know your actual birth date, so…”

Tears slipped down her rounded cheeks. Her mouth split into a blinding smile. “This is… I don’t know what to say. Thank you.”

“Thank you for being such a wonderful friend to Ellana,” Mihris said, taking a step forward to lay a gentle hand upon her head. “Thank you for the joy you have brought to our lives.”

“I forgive you,” Amaryllis finally said, scrubbing at her reddened cheeks. Mihris looked down at her in surprise. “No, not because of this, sorry, I mean I forgave you, before. I don’t think I was ever angry with you to begin with, I just… didn’t know how to say it. But I do now.”

“Thank you,” he said, smiling, and tentatively ruffled Amaryllis’s hair. His grin grew ever larger at the sight of her obvious delight. “Thank you.”

“Now go put it on!” Ellana exclaimed, jumping up and down excitedly. 

“Now just wait a moment,” Mihris said, lifting his hand from Amaryllis’s head to wag his finger at his daughter. “She hasn’t even eaten breakfast yet, and we have things to do.” 

“ _Babae_ ,” she whined. “But it’s her birthday!”

“I know,” he said, laughing. It was a sound Amaryllis had never heard. Ellana stopped her antics almost immediately at the sound. “But we have things to prepare for our trip today.”

“Our trip?” 

“For Amaryllis’s birthday,” he said. “Now hurry up, we’ll need to head out soon if we want to be back by nightfall.” Mihris turned to Amaryllis and motioned for her to go. “And you, put that away and eat your breakfast. I will come gather you when we’re ready.”

“A trip!” Ellana screeched and dove back inside their tent with fervor. “A trip with _babae!_ ”

With another laugh he ruffled Amaryllis’s hair once more, this time with less hesitation, and walked off with a grin. 

And Amaryllis felt, for the first time since she had arrived in this strange place, that she belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ma da’ean - my little bird
> 
> Send me prompts at cullensawkwardneckscratch on tumblr!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was this necessary? No. Is it a little boring? I hope not, but maybe. You can skip this if you want. I just thought it would be cute to let them go fishing together, and I've never really written something where it was just... relaxing. I love drama lol
> 
> Next chapter will be fairly soon, and a lot of things will happen. Which is another reason I threw out this piece of fluff - to prepare you for what's next. It's gonna suck. And you may be angry. But that's fun :)

It turned out their trip was a long walk to a wider part of the creek, where the water was a little deeper and the current was sure to be faster.

It took about an hour to walk through the woods northwest of camp, up a hill and then down the embankment where they sat upon a rocky beach. Mihris sat upon a boulder and lifted the heavy pack from his shoulders, setting it down with a thud. He flipped the top open and pulled out a large net, obviously handwoven, and shook it out over the ground, untangling sections that were stuck as Ellana and Amaryllis stood to the side, watching. 

“I thought it would be fun to teach you two how we hunters work when the animals begin their winter’s sleep.” He said, checking over the net once more. Seeing nothing wrong he stood and motioned for the girls to follow him to the water’s edge. Ellana jumped forward, intrigued, while Amaryllis was still wary, and stopped about a foot away from where they stood with their feet underwater. 

Mihris spoke again.“In _Ena'eir'man_ we trap as many as possible to salt and dry them for the colder months, but we cannot take too much. The animals are giving their lives for us so that we may survive and so we must help them in the ways that we can. While the animals sleep, we fish.”

He rolled the bottoms of his leggings up and cinched them above his knees, then helped Ellana do the same. He turned to Amaryllis and motioned for her to come closer, but she shook her head. “That’s alright.” He said, expression unchanging. “You two can watch for a moment while I explain.”

He stepped further into the water until it reached past his calves to just below his knees, then he pushed up his sleeves and thrust his hands into the water, coming up with a few slick rocks. Mihris began to pile them underwater in a semi-circle, a half-moon shape with a single exit in the middle, until the tops of the stones jutted above the surface. Then he stopped and turned to them, hands on his hips in self-satisfaction. “First we must connect two more walls from the outer sections of this to the edge on both sides. Then we will form another circle around this one, but without this missing part. The fish will swim inside this circle, find that they can only go one way, then they will enter the outer circle, where we will be able to catch them easily.”

Ellana went forward with a happy bounce in her step. Though the water was cold, and she was shivering, she did not seem bothered by it. She looked _excited_. “I can build the left side!”

Mihris smiled as he watched Ellana begin to pile stones, one on top of another, in determination. He looked to Amaryllis once more and paused for a moment, then said “Why don’t you find some on shore? You can leave them in a pile here, and Ellana and I will take them.”

“Yes,” Amaryllis’s voice came out choked. She cleared her throat once, loudly. “Yes, I can do that.”

“Thank you,” Mihris said. “I would be grateful.”

They spent an hour like this in the morning light, until the sun began to shine brightly enough that the skin of Amaryllis’s neck warmed and her ears no longer ached from the cold. Ellana and Mihris finished the outer walls, adding extra to the barrier of the first semi-circle until the stones were raised inches above the water, and ran to shore, blowing hot air against their cold, wrinkled fingers. Ellana’s father reached into his pack and pulled out a few apples they had found along their journey and began slicing them with a small knife, handing pieces to the girls first before he ate his own. 

“So what’s next?” Ellana asked around her mouthful, having shoved the entire slice into her mouth. Juice spilled down her chin and she used the back of her hand to wipe it away. 

Amaryllis chewed slowly on her own, savoring the taste. It must have been November by then, and the smell of the cool breeze and fallen leaves made her crave her mother’s apple pie. She baked one for Thanksgiving and Christmas every year. She wondered if the Dalish had apple pie, too.

Mihris swallowed his bite before speaking. “Next, we must build the outer circle. Once that’s finished, we must wait for the fish to come.”

“That sounds boring.” Ellana said with a sigh. “How long do we have to wait?”

“Not very long, just a few hours.” At her exasperated look her barked a laugh and stood again. “Have patience, _da’len_.” He looked to Amaryllis, paused and watched her finish her apple before speaking. “Would you like to help? In the water, this time?”

Her eyes widened in panic and her heart beat painfully against her breast. “I-I don’t…”

“Do not worry, _da’len_. I will be there to catch you if you fall.” 

The others called her _da’len_ constantly, but that was the first time Mihris had ever referred to her in that way. A pleasant warm feeling spread throughout her body and Amaryllis stepped forward without thinking, blinking in surprise as a brilliant grin spread across the man’s face. He crouched to help her roll her leggings up and took her hand in his to steadily lead her into the water.

Amaryllis could feel her pulse throbbing, quick like the beat of a hummingbird’s wings, in the base of her throat. It was all she could focus on for a moment as her gaze seemed to close in, focused on the spot in front of her and the low temperature of the water surrounding her on every side, so much so that she couldn’t catch herself when her bare foot slipped on a particularly slippery stone. She squeezed her eyes shut, prepared to hit the water with a splash, when Mihris caught her with his firm, immovable grip, and she _didn’t fall_.

When Amaryllis dared to finally open her eyes she was standing upright with Ellana’s father beside her. His smile was so gentle, concerned, and she wasn’t sure what to say. Thankfully, he spoke for her. “See? There is nothing to worry about. I am here to help you.”

They created a system together, so that Amaryllis would not run the risk of falling once more, though she was beginning to overcome her fear, little by little. She stood before the section of wall they were building while Ellana and Mihris collected stones from around them, depositing the rocks onto a growing pile next to Amaryllis who in turn used said rocks to frame the semi-circle. A short twenty minutes passed, and they were done. 

“It’s about time for lunch,” Mihris said, taking the girl’s hands as he headed back to shore. He began pulling parcels wrapped in thick leaves out of his bag and laid them out on the shore. Ellana and Amaryllis began peeling them open to reveal roasted meats, vegetables, and thick slices of soft bread. “Faelyn prepared this for us this morning. I hope you both will thank her when we get back.”

Famished, they finished their meal in no time at all, making their way off shore and to a cool section of grass beneath a tree where they curled up together to take a short nap. When they awoke, refreshed and raring to go, it was a few short hours later. They could hear a distinct splashing in the direction of the creek.

“Fish!” Ellana yelled. She leapt up and slid down the embankment leaving clouds of dust in her wake. The others took off after her, a bit slower but no less enthused. “How do we catch them, _babae_? With our hands?”

“We can either do that or use the net.”

“Use the net? How do we do that?” Amaryllis asked, taking a step into the water without thinking twice. She didn’t miss the way Mihris smiled proudly at her progress.

“It’s quite easy, actually. We need to take each end and secure them beneath a section of the wall so that it will not move once the fish eventually get caught in it. We can also each take one end and pull it along the pool we’ve created to collect the fish. That would be much faster, and if we did that we might be able to make it back home on time for everyone to enjoy them for dinner.”

“I like that idea,” Amaryllis said. Mihris took hold of both ends of the net and all three of them walked towards the trap. Ellana gasped at all of the fish she saw. 

“ _Babae_ , there are so many!”

“I’m surprised,” he said. “This is wonderful. Keeper Deshanna will be happy.”

He instructed the girls to stand together and take one end of the net while he walked around to the other side, bending lower to match their height. 

“Now we will dip the net into the water against the edge of the pool. Make sure there are no fish on the outside.” They did so, and Amaryllis watched reverently as it settled against the bottom. Fish darted away, then back towards it, mouthing at it curiously. “Grip it as hard as you can, and we pull it to the other side, together. Ready?” 

The girls nodded quickly and took position, digging their feet into the riverbed to keep steady. Mihris began to count down.

“Three, two… one!” 

They pulled against the slowed current and the school of fish until a majority of them were stuck inside the holes of the net or in between each other, and Mihris stepped into the pool and over to their side to take the edge of the net from them, twisting them together until the net became more of a bag. “Now help me kick these stones out of the way. We have to take down our trap so the fish can swim freely after we leave.”

So they did, gleefully, squealing and screaming as the walls fell and gave way to the rest of the creek. The girls took hold of the net and helped Mihris heave it onto shore where they sat with a wet ‘plop’ and a laugh. Fish twisted and flopped around inside the net, until they didn’t. 

“Let’s go then, _babae_ , I want to share with everyone!” Ellana said and began collecting his bag, lifting it with wobbling arms over her puny shoulder. It slid right off and back onto the ground. Mihris scratched at the side of his head and it pulled at his bun funnily, bouncing it back and forth. Amaryllis thought he looked so normal then, like a person rather than the angry creature she had been afraid of not long ago.

“I think I may have overestimated my own strength.” He chuckled and rose to his feet, sending rocks clattering across the shoreline. “Wait here a moment. I’ll be right back.” And he took off into the trees.

Ellana turned to her friend the moment he disappeared, expression inquisitive. “Did you have fun? I had fun. _Babae_ was hoping you would have fun, too.”

“I did,” Amaryllis said with a shrug. “I never liked fishing… before. This was different. It was nice.”

“Good,” the other girl nodded, shifting her eyes towards water where it lapped against the banks of the creek. It was mid-afternoon, and though the sun wasn’t setting yet, a cool breeze had returned. Amaryllis quickly rolled her sleeves and pants back down, rubbing her hands along the prickled goose-flesh of her arms. Ellana spoke again. “He wants to do better. He’s trying to, at least.”

“Yeah,” Amaryllis agreed, turning towards the trees at the sound of Mihris yelling out something incomprehensible in their direction, dragging something made of sticks alongside him. “I think he’s doing a good job so far.”

Ellana’s father laid the contraption out on the ground and heaved the net full of fish on top of it. It was just a long, flat slab of sticks, woven together with… more sticks. And yet, it was ingenious. 

“I can tie the net to this and drag it along behind me,” he said. “We make these to carry large animals back to camp as well.”

“I can help carry it,” Ellana suggested. “Well, until my arms get tired. Then Lis can help.”

Amaryllis laughed. “Why don’t we all do it together?”

“Oh, yeah. That’s a better idea.”

Mihris smiled and ruffled Ellana’s hair, then Amaryllis, hesitating for a moment after as he watched her reaction, warily. Ellana sighed, a long-suffering huff of air that only a daughter could produce, but Amaryllis smiled shyly, running a hand over her hair to pat it back down. 

Mihris looked relieved.

“Alright, then.” He said, hauling the slab up against his back. Ellana and Amaryllis quickly took hold of the sides and lifted. It wasn’t so heavy, together. “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm using the elvhen words for the months, which you can find on AO3 from Project Elvhen.
> 
> Soun'vun'ise'man | Solace | July  
> Alas'mamae'man | August | August  
> Alas'davhen'man | Kingsway | September  
> Tua'sal'adahl'man | Harvestmere | October  
> Ena'eir'man | Firstfall | November  
> Bre'eir'man | Haring | December  
> Vare'eir'man | Wintermarch | January  
> En'tara'syl'nu'man | Guardian | February  
> Em'syla'man | Drakonis | March  
> Soun'tara'syl'nu'man | Cloudreach | April  
> Adahl'shena'man | Bloomingtide | May  
> Ena'vun'ise'man | Justinian | June


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is a death in this scene (some blood and gore as well), and I'm sorry but also not. I will also admit I actually had tears in my eyes writing this. Damn.
> 
> This is UNEDITED of course, hopefully to be edited at a later point in time. If you notice any mishaps, grammatical mistakes, whatever, please point them out! I don't always catch them while I'm writing, I'm not really good at it tbh which is why I need other people to point them out lol 
> 
> Though this may be hard to read, I hope you do enjoy it.

“How will you fight when you’ve run out of mana?” Mihris asked. He put his hands behind his back, puffing up his slender chest as he paced before the two girls who glanced at each other in amusement. Amaryllis bit into her bottom lip to fight off an oncoming giggle. Mihris, however, was not amused. “This is no laughing matter. It will happen to you, one way or another, and you  _ must _ be prepared to fight for your life when it does. How will you fight off a Templar when he has purged you of your abilities? When you have used up all of your reserves, how will you defend yourself?”

Ellana was the first to answer. “I could run away.”

“That’s right,” Amaryllis nodded in agreement. “Ellana is fast. She could outrun anyone.”

“I don’t doubt her ability in that,” their father said. He took a step closer and crossed his arms over his chest, gaze turned far more serious. “But how will you run when your sister has been injured? You cannot carry her on your own. There isn’t enough time to pick her up. You are both out of mana and out of time.  _ What will you do? _ ”

“Scream for help?” Amaryllis murmured, hissing when her sister’s elbow met her side. She rubbed at the spot and shot Ellana a dirty look. “What? You said you’d run away.”

“There is no one around to hear your call,” Mihris continued. His expression grew grave. Haunted. “There is no one.” 

Amaryllis froze. Fear crawled up her spine, itching like the many legs of a centipede. She had screamed. Akasha had screamed, but their mother was dead. No one could hear them. No one could save them. They were alone. Memories she had fought to repress came flooding back.  _ Water at my chest, caged inside a box swiftly filling with ice and my lungs are burning, screaming,  _ **_help me_ ** _ … _

A hand to her trembling shoulder broke her of the spell. Amaryllis’s head jerked up towards Mihris. His gaze held the same terrible anguish, face twisted in pain. He understood.

“You need to know how to protect yourselves,” his voice held tender concern. “There may be times I won’t be there to protect you. Magic is one thing, but fighting is another. I didn’t bring you here today only for my peace of mind,” he ran a hand over both his daughters’ heads. The tension finally broke when the three of them laughed. “I brought you here because this is something you must learn. Not only to defend yourselves, but to fight for those you hold dear.”

“Yes,  _ babae. _ ” Ellana said.

“We will listen.” Amaryllis added, finally taking revenge on her sister by nudging her back with a little too much force. Ellana squeaked.

Mihris smiled and took a few steps back until he stood a full meter away. “Good. Let’s begin.”

Staff work relied mostly on stance and upper body strength. They had practiced, for what felt like weeks on end, how to properly pull their staves from their backs - how to slide their feet along the grass into a stance that could hold the full weight of their spells. With time and practice came an ease to their movements, a gracefulness Amaryllis had never thought possible.

Hand-to-hand, however, was another story. 

Non-magical, physical combat required whole body strength. It required a surety to every movement, a steadiness that Amaryllis knew did not exist within her teenage body. She much preferred the comfort of a staff in her hands. 

It also didn’t help that she had no talent for it. 

Amaryllis angled her body to the side, aimed at protecting her most sensitive parts while Ellana closed in. Her fists seemed far too small to do any real damage, but when they made contact with her sister’s upper-arm it was with a force Amaryllis would never have imagined Ellana held within her. 

The force of Ellana’s punch sent her reeling. She lost balance and scrambled to keep herself up, tripping over her own feet, swinging her arms out to catch her fall. Mihris was behind her quickly, setting a steady hand against her shoulder. Amaryllis did not fall. 

She smiled up at Mihris, guiltily. He shook his head and sighed. “You have to plant your feet, Amaryllis. Put your weight into them. We have been over this many times.”

“I know,” she had to fight to keep the whine out of her voice. As it was, she barely kept herself from stomping a foot in frustration. They _ had _ been over it many times. _ For weeks. _ Yet she still stumbled. “I just can’t do it.”

“You can.” He disagreed, giving her a gentle push forward. Mihris bent and took hold of her calves, shifting her legs into position, then pulled her wrists forward to do the same. “Plant your feet. Imagine your soles aren’t yours, but the ground beneath you. Tense your legs. One more time.” He motioned towards Ellana, who was watching with a satisfied grin. 

Where Amaryllis was gifted with great control over her magic, Ellana was gifted with strength. She took to combat with no setbacks. Ellana’s body built lean muscle with ease. Even her toes seemed to hold power that Amaryllis couldn’t even dream of. When they sparred, it was always Ellana who won. Yet the older they became, the further apart they grew, and not just in their abilities. 

Ellana seemed to grow more resentful and jealous with every passing day. It had started small, with playful jabs towards Amaryllis after meditation time, then to zapping her when she was praised by the Keeper. She wasn’t obvious in her frustration with Amaryllis, not enough for the adults to notice, but enough that Amaryllis had. She wasn’t sure how to approach the situation. If she were to be honest, she was afraid. Afraid that Ellana would come to hate her forever.

She tried not to show off, to lay low and allow her sister to get the recognition she deserved. It worked for the most part, and when not practicing with the Keeper, Faelyn, or Mihris, it was as if nothing had come between them. 

Amaryllis had a feeling that it would only last so long. A conversation had to happen. She just didn’t know how to start it.

Ellana took a quick step forward, then another, swinging her arm out to catch Amaryllis lightly in the side. A test. Ellana smiled encouragingly, still riding the high of her many wins, and beckoned her sister to come. 

She shuffled a bit, trying to focus on her posture, on the way her toes dug into the grass, then took a deep breath. The only way she would have a chance to win is if she let go of her negativity and anxiety. So, she did, by quick-stepping to the side, fast enough that Ellana didn’t have enough time to react, and shoved her aside with her shoulder.

It was Ellana who slid across the grass this time, though she did not fall. Her stance was perfect.

“Yes, just like that,” Mihris said with a supportive nod and a clap. “Try to get in another hit, Amaryllis. See if you can knock her over this time.”

It took that bit of praise for Ellana’s delighted expression to slide away. Instead Amaryllis was met with a bitter frown and a flex of Ellana’s narrow shoulders. She threw herself to the right, ducking with ease as Amaryllis threw her arm out on instinct. Her punch met nothing but air, but when Ellana’s leg came out to sweep her off her feet, she stood her ground. She imagined her feet melding with the ground, becoming the soil beneath her. And she did not fall.

Amaryllis grinned widely, feeling triumphant. Mihris could be heard clapping again, praising them both for their quick thinking and determination. 

The praise for Amaryllis, however, was all Ellana had heard. His praise set her ablaze. Amaryllis should have known not to turn to meet him.

She hit the ground with a thud and a cry. Her head cracked against the dirt, one hand flying up to her face to grip her spurting nose. Blood spilled down her cheeks to her ears and over her lips. It was metallic rust on her tongue. Mihris was at her side in an instant, hands fluttering anxiously over her. They settled on her head, bringing her to sit up while he curled his hand around the back to check for bleeding. He sighed in relief when his fingers came away dry.

“Ellana,” Mihris’s voice was rough. Amaryllis looked at her sister through bleary eyes, blinking away tears of pain. Their father pulled a cloth from his pack and pressed it against Amaryllis’s nose. He pushed her blood-slick hand away gently. He spoke again, this time quieter, less gravelly but still firm. Disappointment was clear in his expression. “You should not have done that.”

“S-She looked away,” Ellana let her hands fall away from her face where they had been covering her evident shock. “I didn’t know- I didn’t mean to hit her that hard, truly.”

“Yet you still hit her.” He argued, coaxing Amaryllis to stand. He still did not look towards his daughter. He held the cloth tightly to Amaryllis’s nose, encouraging her to tip her head forward. “This was not a true fight, Ellana, just practice. I’ve told you both many times not to take it too far. We do not do this to hurt each other.” Mihris turned to her then, frown deepening with each word he spoke, though they rang true. “You could have severely injured her, Ellana.”

“I said I didn’t mean to,” she urged. Her lower lip shook. Tears filled her widened sunflower eyes. 

“You chose to hit her, Ellana. That was all you. You meant to hurt her.”

“But I didn’t mean to make her  _ bleed _ .” She stamped her foot in obstinance. Her voice was wet. She sniffled. Mihris pressed on, frustrated by her unwillingness to admit her wrongs.

“But  _ you did. _ ” 

“I can’t believe this,” Ellana cried. Her shaking hands turned to fists at her side. “I can’t believe you’re taking her side in this.  _ I’m _ your daughter.”

“Yes, you are, and I love you still. But you have done wrong,  _ da’len, _ ” He did seem to take pity on her then, expression softened into one of sorrow at her pain. “I wouldn’t be a good father if I didn’t correct it.”

“You-” Her sobs overtook her then. Ellana bent in on herself, crossing her arms as if she were trying to keep herself from falling apart in front of them. She shook her head, stamped her foot again, but nothing put an end to her tears. Without a word, she took off in a sprint towards camp. 

Mihris made no noise, turning back towards Amaryllis. He lifted the cloth from her nose to test the flow. It was beginning to stop. She took hold of it then, pressing it against her sore nostrils, unsure of where to look. She found herself fixating on a particularly twisted twig upon the ground. Its leaves were still new, the bright green of spring, but soon they’d wither, turning a gritty brown. Soon, they would be gone.

“ _ Ir abelas, da’len, _ ” Mihris murmured. He set a hand upon her shoulder, smiling though his gaze was full of worry and regret. “She should not have done that. And you-” He pulled her hand away to check once more. The bleeding had stopped. “You should not have looked away. If you hadn’t you would not be standing here, bleeding.”

“I know,” she murmured, resisting the urge to kick at the ground as her sister often did when anxious. After years together, they had begun to adopt each other’s mannerisms. The thought of it made her grin. She regretted it immediately when blood spread from her upper lip across her front teeth. She was sure she looked feral. “She just needs a moment to gather her thoughts. She truly didn’t mean it - I know that.”

“You’re too kind to her,” he laughed, slinging an arm around her shoulder as they headed home. “Anyone in your situation would be angry, and rightfully so. You have a gentle soul.”

“So does Ellana,” she added. Mihris grinned toothily. His eyes crinkled at the sides. Amaryllis was filled with a sense of love and longing. She was so happy to have found them - her new family - though she still ached for even a glimpse of her own. “And so do you. If it weren’t for her, we wouldn’t be here today, like this. I owe her for that.”

“As do I,” he agreed. “I shouldn’t have been so hard on her. I have some apologizing to do as well.”

“We all make mistakes. It would do me no good to keep a grudge for something so menial.”

“Hmm, at least she didn’t break your nose. You might feel differently then.”

When they crossed the line into their encampment, Mihris walked off to find Faelyn, their resident healer, and Amaryllis entered their tent, surprised to find Ellana curled up beneath the blankets, unmoving. 

She sat beside her, bottom lip between her teeth, deliberating on whether to speak first or to wait for Ellana when her sister flopped on her right towards her, blinking red-rimmed eyes until they focused on Amaryllis. Then, she gasped, hand instinctively grasping at her chest where Amaryllis was sure her heart was attempting to break free. She couldn’t help but laugh.

“ _ Fenedhis, _ ” Ellana hissed. “I didn’t hear you come in. You’ve-” she swallowed, eyes darting away and then back towards the ichor splattered across Amaryllis’s face. “You didn’t think to wash, first?”

“Mihris said to wait for Faelyn,” she shrugged, scratching at her cheek. Brown flakes peeled away and fell to her lap. She gagged. “Apparently he thinks I’ll make it worse if I so much as touch it.”

Ellana stayed quiet for a moment, pensive, then smirked. “You would.”

“Excuse you,” Amaryllis picked up her discarded nightclothes and threw them at her sister, who laughed openly. “I recall a certain someone tripping over a root and skinning her knee yesterday, all because she just _ had _ to be first to wash up.”

“Why does this remind me of the time you almost fell face first into the fire?” Ellana pondered, tapping at her chin. “Or the time you knocked over the rising bread and had to spend the morning helping Lellana prepare a new batch?”

“Alright, I get it, I’m the clumsy one.” She groaned, flopping back on the bed beside her sister, quickly turning to her side with a screech when the sore spot on her head hit the ground once more. She rubbed at it with cool fingers, conjuring ice at her fingertips to ease the pain. 

Ellana was no longer laughing. She watched on with glassy eyes, cheeks stained with newly shed tears. She pursed her lips to stop their quivering, but her chin shook instead. “I’m sorry,” she croaked. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Amaryllis murmured, reaching with her clean hand for her sister’s fist. Ellana uncurled her fingers to tangle theirs together. “I love you, you know that, right?”

“I do,” she sniffled and ran the back of her hand across her face to rub her tears away. “I’m sorry I’ve been so terrible to you lately. It’s just-”

“You don’t have to say it,” Amaryllis shook her head and grinned. “I’m jealous of you, too. Why is it that you have better control over your legs? Why am I always the one skinning my knee?”

“That’s not-” 

Amaryllis shushed her and scooted closer, laughing at Ellana’s disgusted expression. She turned serious for a moment, her smile turning lonely. “I’m jealous of you too, and the fact that you have a father who loves you.”

“You do too,” Ellana urged, squeezing her hand tightly. She cuddled closer towards her, this time uncaring of her messy face. “You have a father who loves you, even if he isn’t blood.”

“Ugh,” Amaryllis gagged, leaning her head away from her sisters’. “Please, don’t say that word, I feel sick enough as is.”

“What, blood?” 

“Stop,” she whined, pushing even further away. “I’ll vomit and I’ll make sure it’s in your direction!”

“Did I miss something?” A deep voice spoke from the entryway. Mihris laughed at their jumpiness. “Please hold back any vomit or we’ll be sleeping out in the forest tonight.”

“We sleep in the forest every night. That’s where we  _ live. _ ” Amaryllis grumbled.

“Yes, well, I meant with the creatures. You know, the wild ones.”

“We’ve got a wild one right here,” Ellana’s voice came out a bit squeaky in her nervousness. “We sleep with her every night.”

Mihris smiled and took a seat beside the two, setting down the bowl of water and clean cloths he had brought with him. “You’ve got me there. Have you heard her snoring? She sounds like a bear!”

Amaryllis scoffed and sat up a little too quickly, gripping her aching head in her hands. Mihris dipped a cloth in the water. Wringing the excess, he used it to begin cleaning the dried blood from his daughter’s face. 

Ellana sat up, and with one last sniffle, pulled another cloth from the pile and did the same as her father, lifting it to gently swipe away the grime. 

Amaryllis sighed and closed her eyes, revelling in her family’s attention. If only it could last forever.

  
  


Seasons had come and gone, at first like the steady trickle of sand through an hourglass then sudden and swift like the river’s current during the first heavy rain of spring after the frost had melted away from the land.

For a while, it had been difficult for Amaryllis to think of the life and family she had lost, though she had gained so much. She’d wake in the early mornings — while crickets still chirped and owls cooed their nightly song — with a start, mid-scream or sob, and turn her face into the furs beneath her, breathing in as deeply as she could, until her lungs felt like they might burst through her chest. She would lie awake for hours, until the sun rose, thinking about what had become of her father. How lonely he must be without his family. 

She wondered, mostly, if he was still alive, and if he would ever find happiness again, like she had. She wondered, often, about where her mother and Akasha had gone, now that it was obvious to her that heaven had been just some foolish man’s fever dream.

Amaryllis wondered, at all hours of the day, when she would be able to remember her past in a way that wouldn’t send her into a panic. She wondered when she would be able to think of them at all without the cruel, hollow feeling in her chest.

And Amaryllis wondered — not for the first time, nor the last — why misfortune seemed to follow her everywhere she went.

  
  
  
  


It was the spring of their fourteenth year when Mihris woke the girls early one morning to help him hunt for the day’s meals. 

“How will you contribute to the clan,” he asked “if you do not learn from the best?”

“I’m going to tell Eldrin you said that.” Amaryllis commented sarcastically while she pulled her hair into a messy bun. It had grown well past her shoulders by then, more than long enough to tie back since it was always getting in the way. She often thought of cutting it all off again and how easy it had been to take care of when it was shorter, but the long wavy tresses reminded her of her mother’s own thick brown hair and she felt oddly comforted by the thought. 

“Oh, please do,” Mihris said with a roll of his eyes. The edges crinkled deeply whenever he smiled lately and Amaryllis enjoyed the way it softened his expression. “He still counts his kills every morning to try and win some ridiculous challenge he has thought up. If he doesn’t know it already by now, someone must tell him, and it won’t be me.”

“Wow, _ babae _ , I didn’t know you were so confident in yourself. We will see who’s the greatest when it’s me bringing home a new record.”

“Now Ellana,” he scolded, holding the doors of the aravel open while they all jumped out of the back. The clan had packed up when the weather had begun to warm, as they did every year, and travelled to a new section of forest so that the natural life there could replenish itself. This time they had moved further east, away from the river towards inland. Amaryllis had actually begun to miss the whooshing sound of the neverending current. “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

Ellana scoffed and the other two grinned, but the group stayed quiet as they made their way into the forest, feet landing softly against the muddied ground. It had rained the day before and it still dripped from the branches above, splattering against cheeks still reddened from sleep.

“Today we will spend more time focusing on skinning the animals properly so that we are not wasting any of the gifts they have given us.” Mihris said, sidestepping a rather low hanging branch while the girls trailed behind. They both seemed to be in good spirits. “We must show our thanks by—”

“Using every last part of the animal.” Amaryllis finished for him. Ellana giggled from beside her. “Yes, we know. You’ve told us that a million times already.”

“Nothing wrong with a million and one.” Mihris said, sighing. The girls both jumped over a large root and took off in a run until they were quite a few feet ahead of him. Mihris frowned. “I asked you both multiple times before not to run ahead. This is a time for contemplation and learning, not play. It’s rude to treat it as such.”

“We’re not playing,  _ babae _ , just getting some exercise.” Ellana said.

“Yes, we’re taking this very seriously. Don’t worry.” Amaryllis added with a wink in Ellana’s direction when she thought Mihris wasn’t looking. 

“You both love to try my patience, don’t you?” 

“I wouldn’t be your daughter if I didn’t!” Ellana said. 

Mihris didn’t answer. That was a sign. The girls turned towards him, slowly spinning on the balls of their feet. He stood quietly, unmoving, listening to the trees around him. The girls were not quite there yet, not practiced enough to hear the subtle changes in the environment around them. Mihris had years and years of training and qualities he was still trying to imbue within them. So they stood and waited for the man to move again. 

“I think there may be some August Ram nearby,” he commented, taking steps forward until he was at their side. “I could hear the movement of a larger hoofed animal, not the foxes I was expecting.”

“How can you tell just from the sound of their steps?” Amaryllis asked.

He began walking again. The girls followed, closer this time. “It’s fairly easy. August Rams have hoofed feet, which make their steps sound a lot harder. They are also heavier animals and carry a lot of their weight in their front due to their horns and muscular chests.”

“So can you tell a fox from a nug?” Amaryllis asked again. “They’re both similar in size.”

“It’s obvious once they’ve been shot.” He said with a smirk. 

Amaryllis barked a laugh but Ellana rolled her eyes. “Very funny.”

They stopped after just a few more minutes, leaning back against the trees and trying to keep quiet. This had proven to be almost impossible for the two teenagers, but with Mihris situated between them, giving them the stink-eye, they seemed to be able to hold out a little longer. 

Ellana was the first to break their silence. “I need to pee.” 

Mihris looked at her for a moment, completely exasperated, but waved her away. “Go, but not too far.”

“I’ll go with her.” Amaryllis said as they stood, almost immediately plopping back down at Mihris’s side when he fixed her with his glare. “She can’t go on her own. There are wolves out here.”

The man sighed. “Alright. Just go, quickly.”

They bounced off, a few trees away from where they had been sitting and quickly pulled down their leggings, giggling softly and shushing each other. When they finished they fixed their pants back into place. Ellana shoved Amaryllis lightly, and Amaryllis shoved her back, slightly too hard.

They were on the verge of a less than playful fight when Amaryllis froze in place, pulse quickening until it was a deafening roar in her ears. There was a flash of long black fur, bloody fangs bared in a growl, and enormous claws digging into soft, muddy soil. 

Standing behind Ellana was a wolf. And where there was one wolf, there was a pack of  _ wolves _ . 

Seeing Amaryllis freeze and her eyes widen, Ellana stopped, taking in the sounds of the forest. What she heard had her taking in stilted, panicked breaths. Until she screamed.

“ _ BABAE! _ ”

They had prepared for this, though. They had taken lessons with the Keeper, Faelyn, and Mihris for  _ years _ . They were prepared for a fight, and they knew just when to use the element of surprise. 

Ellana rolled to the side, lifting her hands in front of her as fire quickly spread across her palms. Amaryllis ran towards one, collecting mana in her fingertips and she threw it out with one large bolt of lightning, striking one of the canines in its side. It shook for a moment, keening long and low, and then it fell. The other girl continued to throw fireballs towards one wolf who could not dodge her attack fast enough and ran with a yelp, throwing itself at the ground in an attempt to put the fire out. Ellana pulled a dagger from her side and slid it through the creature’s jugular, ending its pain quickly. 

Amaryllis could hear Mihris coming from her right. She turned to meet him. 

She did not expect to be pinned to the ground by heavy paws.

Foaming jaws snapped at her wrist and shoulder. She pressed a hand to the wolf’s underbelly and flexed, shooting coiling currents of electricity through its stomach, but she hadn’t had enough time to collect her strength, and her mana had been depleted from her first kill. Ellana screamed out her name, and Amaryllis grimaced, panicked as one long fang sliced a cut into her forearm.

Mihris’s foot landed with a thud against the beast’s ribcage, sending it sprawling in the dirt long enough for him to dive at it again with his daggers, ready to slice straight through its throat. Ellana rose to her feet on shaky legs, like a newborn foal, obviously fatigued. Amaryllis lifted herself onto her elbows, struggling to sit up, gritting her teeth as the skin of her cut pulled further, oozing blood. The girls fought to move forward, to help Mihris, but they were not in time for what happened next.

No one would have expected the steady, sure-footed hunter to stumble, losing his balance as the wolf threw the brunt of its weight at him. The beast hit him in the side and Mihris grunted at the impact. He fell and immediately rolled to the right but couldn’t steady himself in time and was knocked back by the force of the creature’s immense body. 

Ellana ran towards her father. Amaryllis yelled out, attempting to gather even the tiniest sliver of her power. And Mihris fell victim to the wolf’s vicious bite. 

Its jaws clamped down on his side with a sickening crunch. 

Mihris roared and stabbed his twin swords through the beast’s neck, yanking their hilts upward until it stopped moving, jaw unclenching from his flesh as it fell atop his legs. Blood spilled across his chest, his stomach, his thighs, pooling on the muddied ground beneath him. It was impossible to tell how much of it was his.

Ellana was the first to make it to his side. She pushed at the wolf’s body, trying to roll it off of his legs, but it was far too heavy. Amaryllis quickly joined her, and after a great struggle they succeeded. The beast landed to the right with a dull thud. 

“ _ Babae _ ,” his daughter’s voice quivered with anxiety. Her gaze stayed fixed on his swiftly paling face, while Amaryllis couldn’t look away from the tear in his side. With every painful breath he took, and every irregular beat of his heart, his internal organs  _ moved _ . She knew this because his flesh had been pulled back, peeled like the skin of an orange, exposing his insides to the cool morning air. Amaryllis crawled away to the base of a large oak tree and vomited. “What should we do?”

His chest rose and fell, heavily. His lips were turning white. “You need… to wrap it. Stem the bleeding.”

Ellana pulled at the middle of her dress where it split on both sides and tore it easily. Amaryllis wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and stood, wobbling, while she did the same. She went back to Mihris and together the girls wrapped the cloth tightly around his midsection. Mihris closed his eyes and grit his teeth against the agonizing pain. Blood quickly soaked through. Their fingers were slick with its sticky warmth. 

“W-Wait, I have a potion,” Amaryllis dug through the pack at her hip, pulled the vial out with trembling hands, and tried to pop the cork but her fingers kept slipping. She gripped the tip tightly and pulled. It came free with a loud pop. “I’ve got it. Here, quickly.” 

Ellana took the bottle and held it to his lips while Amaryllis helped Mihris lean his head up to drink it. He did in long, loud gulps. The bleeding began to stem, but his face was still incredibly pale. His breathing was labored.

“We need to get help,” Amaryllis said. Her fingers shook as she pressed them against his wrist, checking his pulse. It was too slow. “We need the Keeper. She’s the only one who can heal him.   


“I’ll go.” Ellana said. Her gaze was steely, jaw set though her hands shook. “I run the fastest. I’ll be quick.” She kneeled beside her father and pressed a trembling kiss to his forehead, smoothing his hair back, spreading blood through it. She didn’t seem to notice what she had done. “ _ Babae _ , I’ll only be a moment. You’ll be just fine. Don’t worry.”

Mihris opened his eyes again and took her hand, causing her to stop in her tracks. She crouched again to meet his gaze. His voice came out in a whisper, lower lip trembling. “I am so very proud of you,  _ ma da’ean, ma da’len, _ ” A few stray tears spilled from the corners of his eyes to his ears. Ellana used her sleeve to gently wipe them away, though she did not touch her own. “ _ Ma vhen’an _ . I only wish your  _ mamae _ could see how much you have grown.”

“Don’t say those things,  _ babae _ , don’t speak like you’re leaving. I will get help. You will be alright.”

He smiled ruefully. “Just in case.”

“No, I’ll go,” Amaryllis suggested. She had watched their exchange with jealousy. A feeling of great shame filled her. “Stay with him. He needs you.”

“You’re not fast enough. You would never get there in time.” Ellana stood with a quick look back at her father, letting go of his hand. It fell softly to his side. Her lips pursed in thought, only for a moment, before she shook her head and she sobbed once, hard enough to lose her breath. “No, no, I have to go. I have to. I  _ will _ be right back,  _ babae. Ar lath ma _ .”

“And I love you,” His breath stuttered in his chest and he coughed, groaning loudly, hands digging into the dirt beneath him as pain wracked his body. Ellana took off at a sprint, disappearing quickly into the underbrush. 

Amaryllis’s hands hovered over him, unsure of what to do, how to help. She huffed her frustration, blinking away tears of her own. Though she wanted to cry, she wondered for a moment if it was even her place to do so. Mihris was not her father. She had never referred to him as such, and he had never asked her to, even when she had taken to sleeping with him and Ellana in their tent at night. Even when she had come down with a cold and Mihris had come to check on her, hour after hour, just to make sure she was alright. Even after all they had been through together, still, he had never asked.

“Amaryllis,” he whispered, reaching for her. She hadn’t realized her fingers had tangled themselves into her hair, pulling. “Listen to me. Look at me, please.”

“You are the only one Ellana has.” He said, tugging on her elbow until she removed her fingers from her hair, dropping her bloodied hands into her lap. “I am entrusting her to you. You are her sister, the only one who knows her, far better than any of us, far better than I ever have.” Mihris panted and squeezed his eyes shut for a moment at the pain. “Please take care of each other.”

“I will,” she said, turning her gaze to her thighs. The blood was beginning to dry beneath her fingernails. “I will.”

“And don’t think for a moment,” He grunted, shifting his leg, unable to hide how uncomfortable he was. “Don’t you ever think,” Mihris coughed and blood squirted out from under his makeshift bandages, adding to the pool coagulating beneath him. Amaryllis gasped and quickly began to push her hands down upon his wound, trying to stop the flow, but with a newfound strength he pulled her hands away, holding them in his. She looked at him then, really looked at him, and saw that he was crying for her, too. “Don’t you ever think, not even a moment, that I don’t love you. I love you, just as I love Ellana,  _ ma da’len _ . You came at a time when we needed you most, and you healed the parts of us that I was not able to on my own.”

Amaryllis began to sob, and Mihris pulled her gently down until her head rested against his chest, cradling her as best he could though his arms were growing limp. “You two are my home.”

“ _ B-Babae _ ,” She stumbled over the Elvhen word. Though she had been learning it for years, this was one word she had never thought she would use, so it had never before left her lips. Amaryllis wished, now, that she had said it before, when she could have seen him smile. “ _ Babae _ ,  _ please _ .” 

His hand fell from the back of her head to the ground beside her. Mihris’s chest rose once, taking in a deep deep breath, and then twice, much smaller, and then it stopped moving at all.

Amaryllis quickly sat up, uncaring of the tears and snot streaming down her face, and shook him. She took hold of his shoulders, slumped back against the ground, and  _ shook _ . Mihris did not move.

“Oh no,” She sobbed. “No, no, no.” She shook him again, yet still, his chest didn’t rise. His eyes were open, glassy, gazing towards the cloud-filled sky. 

With all of her might, Amaryllis dug her fingertips into his chest, and pushed. She gathered what little mana she had left, all of it and more, whatever she could muster, her own life-force if she could, and pushed deep inside him, believing with all of her being that she could heal him. She  _ would _ . 

Her strength left her suddenly and she fell to the side, head landing with a thump next to her father’s. His chest did not rise.

Amaryllis screamed, for Mihris Lavellan was gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment if you liked it!!! And feel free to tell me how terrible I am!!!
> 
> also if you'd like to ask for a prompt I'm up for them, and you can also send me messages at cullensawkwardneckscratch on tumblr. I accept prompts there too :)
> 
> I JUST NOTICED the end notes thing is popping up twice and I have no idea why??????? I'll figure it out at some point. Thanks for reading lol


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so hard to get out, specifically the last portion. Not sure why, but here we are.  
> Please leave comments, tell me what you like, what you want to see more of, what you look forward to, etc.  
> Next chapter the two sisters will be leaving for the Conclave :) We're fast forwarding a bit again.
> 
> I've given a bit of a twist to Dalish practices here, I know, but it's what I had in mind for the chapter and what I wanted to try. 
> 
> UNEDITED. Leave a comment!

When Ellana arrived with the Keeper, Faelyn, and a group of hunter’s in tow, she found Amaryllis at her father’s side, hands gripping his torn shirt, face pressed into his chest. His eyes were open as if he were watching the clouds travel across the sky, his mouth spread into a sweet, content smile. 

She knew. The moment she saw him, she knew. 

Her knees shook. Her fingers clenched her long sleeves tightly into balls in her fists and she pressed them against her eyes, willing away her tears, willing away the vision of Mihris’s blood-soaked makeshift bandages and his chest, still and unmoving, like a stone. 

She heard the hunters swear. Faelyn gasped and cried into her palm. When Ellana pulled her hands away from her face, trying to catch even a semblance of a breath, she saw Keeper Deshanna gracefully bend at Amaryllis’s side, patting her back and attempting to pull her away from her father’s body. She did not move, either. 

“Amaryllis?” Keeper spoke softly, pushing the hair back from her face. Faelyn went to Ellana and held her against her shoulder, rocking her back and forth in her arms as the girl bawled. Amaryllis’s eyes were closed, though tears still poured from the sides. “She has used far too much mana.”

One of the hunters crouched at Mihris’s side, running a hand over the fallen man’s eyes to close them. “Is she alright?”

“She fainted, but she should be fine after some rest.”

Faelyn took in the chaos around them: the bodies of four massive wolves, slain, pools of blood surrounding them. She shuddered and pressed her face against the top of Ellana’s head, closing her eyes, letting her tears fall freely.

Keeper Deshanna pulled Amaryllis’s limp body away and lifted her into her arms, but not without stumbling first. The girl had grown much since the first time she’d laid eyes on her, and she was surely taller than the Keeper now. Eldrin approached to help, but she shook her head. 

“No, I will take her.” She said. “Please help the others.”  
  
With gentle hands the hunters raised Mihris onto a stretcher. One took the top, while another took hold of the bottom, and they lifted. Ellana moved away from Faelyn to her father’s side, taking his swiftly cooling hand in hers while her heart constricted in her chest.

Together they escorted Mihris home. 

  
  
  
  
  


Amaryllis woke suddenly with a start as her head hit familiar fur blankets. She tried to sit up but quickly became dizzy. Firm hands kept her from falling, pressing the edge of a bottle to her lips, helping her swallow small mouthfuls until her head stopped pounding and her vision stopped spinning. She could feel the itchy skin of her forearm stitching itself back together while the potion worked its magic. 

Faelyn was by her side, rubbing circles into her upper arms. Amaryllis took notice of the redness of the woman’s eyes and the wetness of her unusually pale cheeks. It was then she remembered.

“How long have I been out?” She rose to her knees and took her time standing, using the older woman’s steady grip for support. 

Faelyn’s voice cracked as she spoke. “Not long. We just got back.”

“Have they started yet?” Amaryllis made to exit the Keeper’s tent but the clan healer stopped her with a shake of her head. 

“You should rest more, Lis. The others are helping.”

“No,” she objected. “Ellana needs my help. I can’t sleep knowing she’s doing this on her own.”

“Alright.” Faelyn sighed and stepped back, allowing Amaryllis to walk out the doorway. “If you start to feel sick, don’t push yourself. Mihris wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself for him.”

The woman’s comment sent a sharp pang of regret and sadness through her, causing Amaryllis to grip the front of her sullied dress in an attempt to control her breathing. When she stepped forward and into camp she saw the clan gathered around, preparing to build the pyre, keeping their distance from the departed to give his family time to grieve. Ellana was beside her father, pressing the back of his hand to her forehead. Her eyes were closed and her shoulders were slumped forward, shaking though she made no sound. 

Amaryllis slid quietly to her side and pressed close, sliding her arm around her sister’s trembling form. She pressed her face into Amaryllis’s chest and began to cry in earnest. Keeper Deshanna appeared before them with a bowl of water and clean linens. Faelyn remained close by, laying bottles of oils and a large roll of white cloth at Mihris’s feet. He was still smiling. 

“ _Ir abelas_ ,” the Keeper spoke softly, setting her hand atop Ellana’s where she still held her father’s. “We must begin preparing him. Faelyn and I will do this, why don’t you go lie down?”

“It’s the family’s duty, Keeper. I will do it.” Ellana’s objection was strong, though her voice shook when she spoke of family. She swallowed thickly and took a deep breath, chin quivering while she tried to remain calm.

“Is the clan not your family as well, _da’len_? Let us do this for you.”

She hesitated to answer but finally nodded, using her sleeve to scrub at her eyes, looking so much like her younger self. Amaryllis ran a soothing hand over her shoulder. “Alright, but I want to stay by his side. I won’t leave him. Not until I must.”

Ellana sat straight then, no longer leaning upon Amaryllis for strength. Her sister followed suit, though she took her hand and held it tightly in her own, wanting to be a reassuring presence. 

The two women began their work, pulling the clothes from his body smoothly, clinical in their touch, and dipped linen into water to scrub away the blood from his skin. As it melted away, the area of his fatal wound became visible. All four women stopped for a moment to stare, Faelyn gaping in awe, while the Keeper showed no distinct emotion, and Ellana gasped. Amaryllis’s pulse beat wildly in her temples, sight turning white at the edges. 

Mihris was completely unmarked. No torn flesh, no exposed organs, no evidence that he had ever been injured if not for the remaining blood streaked across his torso. 

“Amaryllis,” Keeper Deshanna's voice was filled with wonder. “Was this your doing?”

“I’m not sure.” She closed her eyes, let go of Ellana’s hand, and pushed the tips of her fingers into her closed eyelids until she felt more grounded.

“I didn’t do this,” said Ellana. “Could it have been the potion?”

“While a potion would have worked to heal the wound and stop the bleeding, this type of injury would not have closed so quickly without an added boost.” Faelyn pulled Amaryllis’s hands away from her face, encouraging her to open her eyes. She did, hesitantly, and tried not to look at Mihris’s body, though it laid before her.

“This is remarkable,” the Keeper said. “You should not have been able to do this at your age, not without years of practice. I did not think you had the talent for healing magic, or I would have begun teaching you long ago. You should be proud of what you have done, Amaryllis.”

“What good was it if it didn’t save him?” The girl spat angrily and stood quickly on trembling feet. Her entire body shook as if she had been dipped in ice. “I couldn’t help him in time. If I had known I could do this, I would have, before it was too late. But it was.” Her chin quivered. “Fucking useless.”

“No,” Ellana said in protest, sliding her hand back into her sister’s, though she did not stand. She looked up at Amaryllis in earnest, eyes glassy with tears. “You couldn’t have known this was possible. It was not useless. _You_ are not useless.”

Amaryllis immediately felt terrible shame wash over her and she took a seat again, bringing her arms around Ellana, though whether it was to comfort herself or her sister, she did not know. 

“I’m sorry,” she cried into Ellana’s hair. “I’m sorry.”

“So am I.”

The girls held onto each other tightly as they mourned, not wanting to let go, not wanting to look at Mihris any longer. The other two women continued cleaning his body, pulling the stops from the bottles to anoint his body with oil before wrapping him in clean white cloth, covering him from head to toe. They stopped before covering his face to say a few prayers, then lightly tapped at the girl’s shoulders to let them know it was time.

Ellana pressed a tender kiss to his brow and leaned her forehead against his as she spoke. 

_“Falon’Din, Lethanavir, enasal enaste. Ghi’la babaere shosaan, sule i’ve’an raja ish.”_

  
  
  
  
  


The funeral lasted for three days. Each day the body was removed from the pyre, cleaned, and anointed with oils. Ellana and Amaryllis did not sleep. They stayed by Mihris’s side, protecting him, praying for his safe journey beyond, and taking care of his cleansings, when the time came.

On the third day, the clan gathered around the pyre, and they all began to sing.

_“Vhen unshivas es’var sal’shiralen su Falon’Din/_ The People swore their lives to Falon'Din

 _Ehn venir banal ra harel/_ Who mastered the dark that lies.

 _Ehnas banal’rasen is/_ Whose shadows hunger

 _Ehnas dhruathe sulen/_ Whose faithful sing

 _Ehnas din’shathen emath ish/_ Whose wings of death surround him

 _Mavar aron era’vun/_ Thick as night.

 _Lethanavir, raj’varithelan, ea el’ghi’lan/_ Lethanavir, master-scryer, be our guide,

 _Ove tel’run alas’enala, i tel’syl tarasylen/_ Through shapeless worlds and airless skies.”

In the late afternoon, after the sun had begun to set behind the vast forest surrounding them, the Keeper lit the pyre. Mihris’s daughters watched as the flames overtook him, eating away at his flesh until nothing was left but ash and bones. When it was finished they gathered his ashes and walked to the place where he had fallen. There, they laid him to rest, mixing his very essence into the soil where they placed an oak sapling. 

A beautiful tree would grow, replacing the life of the departed, serving as a reminder of the hunter who had lost greatly, but gained so much more.

Life would go on.

  
  
  
  
  


Amaryllis was not surprised when Ellana was chosen to become the Keeper’s first.

Her sister fit the requirements; she had magic, and she was Dalish. 

Until then, Amaryllis had never fully realized how much she didn’t belong, though Keeper Deshanna had often said otherwise. Of course she had noticed how much taller she had grown, how she had come to tower over first Ellana, then Faelyn, then the Keeper. The shape and size of all of her body parts were an obvious indication that she would never be Dalish in looks, but for a time she had come to believe that that wasn’t all it was about. Being Dalish, to her, had meant being part of the clan. And she was.

So yes, while she was not surprised that she wasn’t chosen as first, though she knew her magic to be more powerful than Ellana’s, and though she knew she had further progressed in her studies, she _was_ surprised to find that she wouldn’t receive Vallaslin. 

“But I’m ready for them,” Amaryllis argued, pacing the area of the Keeper’s tent while the woman sat upon her bed, watching her silently. “I’m of age. Ellana will receive hers. Why can’t I?”

“Amaryllis,” Deshanna stood, legs cracking with age that the nonexistent lines of her face belied. “You are part of the clan, that is true. You are family, but you are not Dalish. You do not share our blood. Vallaslin is out of the question.”

“I understand why I couldn’t be first, truly, I do,” said Amaryllis. She ran a frustrated hand through her hair. “How could a human be the next Keeper? It simply couldn’t happen. But Vallaslin? I believe in the creators. I have meditated, daily, for years. I have prepared myself for this, just as Ellana has, so why is it only now that you’re telling me this? Why only now?”

“That’s—” the Keeper sighed then, her expression falling. “You don’t know that you’re going to be here forever, Amaryllis. You don’t know what lies ahead. I will not give you those markings, not with the world the way it is. A human marked as Dalish? You would not be treated well. You have yet to see what the world is truly like, _da’len_ , and I will _not_ send you to your death.”

“What?” The eighteen-year-old threw her arms out in irritation. “I’m not a child any longer. I can defend myself against those who may persecute me. This is my _home_ , and I don’t plan on leaving it any time soon. You are _my_ Keeper. I may not be Dalish by blood, but I am in mind and spirit. I would bear those markings proudly.”

“That is not the point. I have no doubt you would fight any who dared speak ill of us, but I refuse to allow you to be mistreated when it could have been avoided. So no, Amaryllis, I am sorry, but I will not allow you to participate in the ceremony.”

“But—”

“No.” Her stern answer meant she was finished. Amaryllis scowled. “ _Ir abelas_ , Amaryllis, but we will not speak of this again.”

She stormed from the tent in a rage, refusing to look anywhere but down at her feet while she stomped into the forest, needing some air. If she were completely honest, she had expected the Keeper’s answer. It was obvious to anyone that she was different. Her eyes were less rounded, more almond-shaped. Her face was circular, where theirs were angled as if they’d been chiseled from stone. Her body was larger, in every aspect, where theirs were small, lean and lithe. She and Ellana were only able to call each other sisters because they had spent years of their lives together, living under the same roof, loved by the same people.  
  
She should have expected Ellana to notice her retreat into the woods and run after her.

“Lis,” Ellana said, concerned. She reached for her sister’s arm but she tore it away and out of her grasp. Ellana frowned. “I take it that the conversation didn’t go well. What did she say?”

Amaryllis grit her teeth and flopped down onto the trunk of a fallen tree. She set her elbows upon her knees and sighed, heavily. “No, it didn’t. It doesn’t matter what she said, only that she will not allow me to participate, and that it’s final.”

The other girl sat beside her in silence for a long moment. Ellana bumped their shoulders together, prodding her until she turned to look at her sister. “What?”

“I won’t go through with it,” Ellana said. “Not if you can’t.”

Amaryllis’s eyes widened in surprise. Ellana would deny tradition, give up such an integral part of being Dalish, just for her? She turned away from her sister to stare down at the grass, watching an army of ants crawl along, thinking of an answer.

She didn’t have to think for long. 

“No,” Amaryllis shook her head and bumped her sister back, smiling softly at her squawk of indignance. “You should get yours. Keeper Deshanna wouldn’t allow you to stay her first, otherwise. It wouldn’t be right.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be first.” Ellana huffed. “Maybe I just want to find a nice Dalish man and settle down? Eldrin’s still single, and quite handsome for his age.”

Amaryllis laughed. “Of course you’d be into older men.”

“We don’t have many options here. There’s Levaas, but he’s still thirteen, and that’s just horrid. We’ve no one close in age. We’re going to die alone.”

“And I don’t think any sane Dalish man would want to take a wife who has yet to truly come of age.” Amaryllis chuckled again, then sighed. “Don’t let this little ol’ _shem_ stop you from being who you are meant to be.”

Ellana’s hand took hold of her chin and forced Amaryllis to turn and look her in the eyes. “You aren’t just any _shemlen_ , you are _mine_. I would do anything for you.”

“I know.” Amaryllis grinned and blinked away the tears forming in her eyes, pushing at Ellana until she laughed and fell off their makeshift bench, landing on the grass with a distinctly painful thud. “I think I smell dinner. Race you!” 

And she took off, her bare feet slapping against the ground beneath her, giggling as her sister yelled after her. “You ass! Just for that, I’m stealing your bread for the week!”

  
  
  
  
  


The day of the ceremony Amaryllis collected a few easy meals for the day, some reading material, and went back to the fallen tree, where she spent the day lounging around in an attempt to distract herself from the day’s happenings. It was long after dinner before she finally picked up her things and headed back, trying not to allow her head to droop too far in disappointment, when she was stopped suddenly by a hand sliding around her front to cover her mouth. 

Her heart stopped in her chest and she threw her arm back on instinct. The person’s answering screech caused her to wheel around in anger.

“Ellana!” She yelled, stomping her foot. “What is wrong with you? You scared me half to death!”

“Sorry, sorry,” the culprit was bent in half trying to catch her breath, laughing hysterically. Bandages were pressed along her cheekbones with what smelled like an elfroot salve. “I should’ve known you’d react like that. _Babae_ taught you well.” She stood straight, gaze softened at the memory of her father, though her lips were still pulled into a mischievous grin. 

“What did you choose, then?” Amaryllis didn’t hesitate to ask, curiosity taking precedence over her irritation. She watched as Ellana peeled the bandages from her cheeks and smiled as her Vallaslin was uncovered. “It looks wonderful.”

The green ink spread on both sides of Ellana’s face from beneath her eyes to her temples, their shape reminiscent of a Hart’s vast antlers. The color complemented her well, exactly matching the shade of green in her sunflower eyes. 

“I thought we might need Mythal’s blessing.” Ellana said. “Who knows what we will need protection from in the future?”

“I don’t think Mythal protects _shemlen_ ,” Amaryllis laughed, trying but failing not to sound dispirited. She shook her head before Ellana could say anything. “They’re beautiful, truly. Did it hurt?”

“Hmm, I guess you’ll find out,” her sister said, taking Amaryllis’s hand and ignoring her questioning gaze to lead her further away from camp until she was sure they wouldn’t be overheard. “I watched closely and saw what Keeper used. I know how to do it.”

“What does that mean?” Amaryllis asked, her brow furrowing in confusion. 

“I may or may not have borrowed some things from our beloved Keeper.” Ellana dug into the pack at her side and procured a small bowl, a vial of viscous black liquid, and what looked to be a Halla antler, sharpened at the end into multiple fine points. 

“Why would you do that?” Amaryllis was shocked, to say the least. Ellana had never been the thieving type, though she liked to break the rules. Stealing something sacred was totally unlike her.

“I had an idea,” she explained, biting her bottom lip nervously. “Since Keeper Deshanna wouldn’t give you your markings, I thought… why not me?”

“You’ve never done it before. What if you can’t keep your hand steady? No offense, _falon_ , but I don’t want my face to be marred by our mistakes. Let’s return these before the Keeper notices.”

“Is there a rule that it must be on your face?” Ellana scoffed, and Amaryllis crossed her arms, beginning to turn away. The other girl caught her arm quickly and pulled her back. “No, no, just listen for a moment. I thought, since Vallaslin isn’t an option, why not a different kind of marking? Not for a creator but for _us_.”

Amaryllis raised an eyebrow as she thought hard about what Ellana had said. Not for a creator, but for them? Just a normal tattoo, then? Her father had had a bald eagle on his upper arm, from his time in the service. Her mother had also had a butterfly upon her shoulder, a late night decision with friends after graduation, when they had all prepared to move away and lose touch with each other. Amaryllis had never had anything against them, and she was sure at one point she had entertained the thought as well, so why not?

“Alright,” Amaryllis agreed, slowly, and Ellana’s grin grew wider. “I’m not entirely opposed to it. What did you have in mind?”

Ellana dug back inside her pack and pulled out a heavily wrinkled piece of parchment, handing it to her sister. She shifted anxiously on her feet while Amaryllis peered down at the drawing.

It was a feather, outlined in smudged black ink, beautiful in its simplicity. Ellana had always been quite an artist. Amaryllis finally spoke. “A feather.”

“...You don’t like it?”

“No, I do,” Amaryllis smiled sweetly. Ellana released the uneasy breath she had been holding, stepping closer to her sister until they were arm-to-arm. “ _Babaere da’eanen.”_

“For our family.” Her sister sighed and leaned her head against Amaryllis’s shoulder for a moment, then stepped away and began collecting wood as if to start a fire. “Now, do you want to go first, or should I? Maybe you should, so you’ll know what to do after.”

“What?” Amaryllis voice rose. She had had enough of being surprised by the other girl for one night. 

“Did you think I was going to let you do this alone? No. This?” Ellana pointed at the drawing of the feather fiercely with a sudden burst of emotion then to the center of her sister’s chest, where Amaryllis’s heart beat wildly against her breast. “This is _ours_.”

  
  
  
  


At dawn the next morning the two girls stumbled their way back to camp, holding their left arms out awkwardly to keep the fabric of their dresses from rubbing together, bleary-eyed and weary. When Faelyn had stopped to ask where they had been all night they shrugged, pretending not to wince, and headed for their tent to get a few hours rest, smiling brighter than the morning sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the ending was a bit anticlimactic. I struggled with it for days lol
> 
> The song was taken from Project Elvhen, which is an absolute godsend.
> 
> Falon’Din, Lethanavir, enasal enaste. Ghi’la babaere shosaan, sule i’ve’an raja ish. - Falon'Din (god of death), Lethanavir (another name for Falon'Din), [a prayer for the departed]. Guide father's feet, lead him into the beyond.
> 
> Babaere da'eanen - father's little birds (Mihris referred to Ellana first as his little bird, and I didn't include it, but it's "canon" that he began referring to Amaryllis that way, once she became comfortable with it)
> 
> If you have questions about any Elvhen I used but maybe didn't translate, let me know! 
> 
> Again, feel free to comment! let me know what you're enjoying, what you'd like to see more of, and what you're looking forward to :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, Merrill and Isabela are in this chapter! It's not what I had planned, but it's what happened, and I had a hell of a fun time writing them in. So much so that I wrote 3000 words in a day and this chapter ended up becoming the longest one so far lol I've never attempted writing them either. This was a first. I hope I got their characters right. I always worry about that.
> 
> this is UNEDITED. I may go back and add things in later if I feel it wasn't enough description, though none of the plot is subject to change, so don't worry about that. To be honest I'm unhappy with a certain portion of this chapter, but I'm posting it anyway because well, I can't be happy with everything I do! lol I'm sure others will enjoy it even when I don't
> 
> I'm above 28,000 words now, not up to date enough for Nanowrimo, but hopefully I'll have a few more days of consistent writing and we'll be back on track! Woohoo!
> 
> Leave a comment :)

Trees swayed in time with the calm melody of the cardinals’ chirping. They flew from branch to branch towards the peak of the lofty pines, disinterested in the world below the vast canopies of the forest. 

A group of humans, no more than ten, walked along a trodden path within the forest. It was a common trail for travelers hoping to cut their journeys short. This group looked to be a band of stone-faced Templars, skin ashen but cheeks flushed under the effects of their morning ration of lyrium. A majority of the group marched on, talking quietly between themselves of nothing of importance, while two men walked slowly behind, speaking in hushed whispers. 

Eldrin leaned forward upon the thick branch of an oak on which he sat, turning his head slightly to listen in. He could just make out what the two were discussing.

“The mages have made their beds. Divine Justinia will be backing the Order, there is no doubt. This Divine Conclave is just a ruse to put them down like the rabid dogs they are; I know it.” The first said, spitting to the side. Eldrin could barely make out what they were saying over the clanging of their armor.

“It is well known that the Divine does not favor either group. I’m not so sure this will be solved as quickly as you may think, though I would like to be back before the end of spring. I had plans to visit my family for Summerday.” The other sighed. “It will take a month for us to arrive at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, maybe even longer at this point. If we have to keep stopping every few hours for Sir Coswell to rest his damn knees we may as well head back. There’s no way we will arrive by the first of Wintermarch.”

The first chortled, snorting quietly. “That old man is going to be the death of us all, I know it. If I have to spend one more night smelling his rancid ass, I’m going to throw myself off the nearest bridge.”

Eldrin continued to listen, though they spoke of nothing else of note, until the party disappeared around the bend and yet he waited still, until he was sure they were not coming back. After a moment he slipped from the branch, landing lightly on the balls of his feet. The other four hunters did the same, falling one-by-one, gracefully from their perches, waiting for Eldrin to give an order. He nodded towards them, a quick tilt of his head, causing his long hair to fall over one side of his face, and the group of elves began their hour-long trek back towards camp. 

  
  
  
  


“The hunters are back,” Amaryllis said, entering their tent with a flourish that went unnoticed by Ellana, who was attempting to meditate. Amaryllis disregarded this and flopped onto their shared bed, flinging a particularly heavy blanket over at her sister. It landed across her shoulder, sending dust motes flying through the air, yet Ellana still didn’t move. Amaryllis sighed and spoke louder. “In case you didn’t hear me the first time, _the hunters are back_.”

“I heard you,” Ellana muttered, opening one eye to stare disapprovingly at Amaryllis, who was sprawled on her back beside her, twirling the ends of her long hair. “I don’t see how that’s important. What, did they bring back a dragon?”

Her sister snorted. “Don’t I wish. No, they didn’t bring back much—”

Ellana scowled and unfurled herself to kick Amaryllis in the thigh, none too gently. “Then why are you interrupting me? I’m busy.”

Amaryllis huffed angrily and kicked her sister back. She missed and just grazed the top of her leg. Ellana rolled her eyes and threw her long brown braid back behind her shoulder. One would think, at the age of twenty-three, that the two would have learned to act more their age, yet there were still parts of their childhood they couldn't let go. Annoying each other was one of them.

“If you had let me finish,” Amaryllis continued. “I would have said no, they didn’t bring back much game, other than the usual, but they brought news. Important news.”

“And how do you know that?” Ellana glared while her sister smiled impishly and shrugged.

“I may have overheard something… when I was eavesdropping outside Keeper Deshanna’s tent.”

“Amaryllis!” Ellana gasped, though if she were to be honest, it wasn’t much of a surprise. They both loved to play innocent when it suited them most.

Amaryllis scoffed. “Don’t act like you wouldn’t have done the same. Who are you, and what have you done with my sister?” She asked, covering her mouth with shaking hands in mock horror. “Is it a demon? Are you possessed?”

“Oh, just shut up and tell me what you heard.” Ellana rolled her eyes and smiled.

Amaryllis laughed and shuffled closer, dropping her voice to a low whisper. “Apparently Eldrin came across a small party of travelers. He overheard them discussing a meeting of sorts, in Ferelden. The fighting between the Templars and Mages has become so severe that the Divine has decided to intervene.”

“That _is_ important.” Ellana agreed, crossing her legs and leaning forward to rest her chin upon her open hand. She lifted an eyebrow in muted curiosity. “Though I doubt it has much to do with us.”

“That is not what Keeper Deshanna seems to think.” The other woman argued, stretching her legs out in front of her to press her cold toes against her sister’s thigh. Ellana grimaced but allowed it. “She seems to think this will impact us as well. She wants to send someone to this ‘Divine Conclave’ and I’m absolutely sure that someone is _you_.”

Ellana sat up straighter at that, sunflower eyes growing wide. “What makes you say that?”

“Because that’s what I heard her say.”

“You must have misunderstood, then,” Ellana said, puzzled. “Why would she choose me?”

“Are you daft?” Amaryllis asked, looking at her sister as if she had grown horns or multiple heads that were foaming at the mouth. “You’re the clan’s first, of course it would be you.”

“No no, you definitely misunderstood.” Ellana said, making to stand, looking panicked. Amaryllis watched her with confusion. Who else would it have been? “There’s no way she said—”

“Amaryllis heard correctly.” A quiet, exasperated voice spoke from the opening, startling the two sisters. Keeper Deshanna pushed her way inside. Her calm expression betrayed no emotion, though Ellana was sure if she had been a lesser woman, she might have throttled Amaryllis. “There is to be a meeting in Haven.” She met Ellana’s gaze and held it. Ellana swallowed nervously, then the Keeper spoke again. “And I want _you_ to attend.”

  
  
  


“Attend?” Ellana blinked rapidly and wondered if she had heard the Keeper correctly. “Have you received an invitation?”

“No. What we need for you to do is spy.” Keeper Deshanna walked further into the room and took a seat upon a wooden crate across from their bed. “Keep a low profile, watch from a distance, and learn what you can. These peace talks could have an effect on us. The Chantry would never deign to invite any Dalish clan. We are savage beasts in their eyes. This could greatly impact our lives and the future of the Dalish. Someone needs to be there to listen.” The Keeper gazed deeply into Ellana’s eyes. “You are the only one I can truly trust with this, and if you are to prove to the clan that you will be a faithful leader, now is the time.”

Ellana had no time to react, no time to think before Amaryllis stood abruptly. “And I’m going with you.” 

“Of course.” Keeper Deshanna nodded in an attempt to hide a small smile. She had obviously expected this. “I would not dare separate you two, and I could never allow Ellana to go alone.”

“That’s it?” Ellana asked. “That’s all? Just watch and listen?”

“This is no simple task, Ellana. Not only is the journey dangerous, but we do not know what lies ahead of you, and if you are caught?” The Keeper shook her head sadly. “You must be careful.”

Ellana stared at the floor, dazed, while Amaryllis had already begun to pace, deep in thought, twisting her long hair between her fingers as she calculated.

“When do we leave?” Amaryllis asked. “It’s nearing the end of fall and we all know what time of year Ferelden is most famous for. Not only that, but Haven isn’t just around the corner. It’s a long way to travel, and even worse in the winter.”

“We will begin preparations immediately.” Keeper Deshanna stood as well and moved to Ellana’s side, crouching low beside her. She set her hand upon the woman’s shoulder in reassurance. “Do not worry too much, Ellana. You are a brave woman, and I know you are up to the task.”

Ellana finally moved, nodding, expression set in determination. The Keeper was right, she could do this. There was nothing to be afraid of. This was what she had spent years preparing for. “I am. And once it’s finished, we will come home.”

“Yes,” The Keeper’s smile seemed to fall for a moment. If either woman had noticed, they made no indication, too caught up in their own thoughts to _see_. “We will be here, waiting.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Their journey to Haven began a few days later, just as the sun began to rise over the horizon. The air was quiet and still, the ground white with the first snow of the coming winter. It crunched softly under their leather boots. A few brave squirrels bounced from tree to tree, mouths full of food, rustling what few leaves were left upon their branches. 

The clan woke early to send them off, with Faelyn and the Keeper at the forefront. The former hugged the two women tightly against her, uncaring of the fact that Amaryllis now loomed over her like the tall, lean beast that she was. The sisters hugged her back, just as lovingly. Not a single eye was dry between the three, though Faelyn’s emotion was easily explained by the rounding of her stomach.

“I will be expecting you back in three months' time. Any later than that and I’ll come looking for you myself.” Faelyn wiped a stray tear from her cheek. Her husband, Manhen, used the sleeve of his tunic to wipe it away, reaching for her hand to squeeze it comfortingly. She smiled. 

“Of course we’ll be back by then,” Amaryllis scoffed as she pulled away, taking a small step back to stand beside her sister who was smiling despite the fact that her pack was heavy and her expression was strained with anxiety. “I wouldn’t want to miss the birth of your little one, especially since they’re going to be my namesake.”

Manhen chuckled and laid a hand upon his wife’s stomach. “Did you hear that, _da’len_? We’re going to have to run away into the woods to save ourselves from this lunatic.”

Amaryllis gasped while Faelyn tried to hide her laugh, pressing her lips together to hold it back to no avail. It wasn’t long before everyone was laughing, even Keeper Deshanna. 

It was the Keeper who spoke then, laying her hands gently upon the sisters’ shoulders, then caressing their cheeks while she gazed at them with the sorrowful yet affectionate expression of a mother sending her children away. “We will be waiting for you here, no matter how long it takes for you to return. _Mythal re i’na_ . _Da’reth shiral, ma lethal’lan."_

Clan Lavellan joined in her farewell, together murmuring “ _Da’reth shiral, lethal’lan. Mythal re i’na. Tuelanen i'na._ ”

Ellana and Amaryllis pressed gentle kisses to the Keeper’s cheeks, stepping back to bow once to their clan. “ _Nuva es’an ea tas i’na, lethal’lin._ ”

With one last wave the sisters turned and began to walk, their eyes set on the horizon, watching as the sun slowly made its way above the treetops, seemingly shining brighter with each step they took towards their final destination.

  
  
  
  
  


Three weeks later, Ellana and Amaryllis found themselves finally crossing the Vimmark Mountains into the port city of Kirkwall. The scenery had been quite beautiful until then — broad, endless plains of yellowed wheat, swaying to-and-fro with the slightest breeze, and forests filled with an extensive underbrush, trees higher than towers. The mountains were cold, desolate, seemingly lifeless. They had come across few animals on their journey through and even less trees. The ground was hard and dry. Soil crumbled beneath their feet with every step they took. Amaryllis wondered if it was just the time of year, or if they were always so terrible. It was no wonder the citizens of Kirkwall had gone mad, surrounded on either side by water, the Gallows, Templars, and a distinct lack of, well, anything. 

Kirkwall was notoriously dangerous for being the epicenter of the mage rebellion; it was understandable that both women were wary of their visit. Once they began approaching the city limits they took to hiding their staffs under their cloaks for fear of the remaining Templars. Amaryllis would be lying if she said she didn’t have a constant feeling of dread in the depths of her stomach, but she kept that to herself, knowing Ellana was just as afraid, if not more so.

“If I keep my robes fastened tightly enough they’re less likely to take notice of my choice of clothing,” Amaryllis said as she leapt over a small rock, losing her balance in the process. She swung her arms out to catch herself and surprisingly did not fall. “And, like you said, we could probably convince them that you’re my _servant_ ,” she said with a scowl, scrunching her nose up in distaste. Ellana grinned. “Though I can’t say I’ve ever heard of an Elven servant with Vallaslin. What are we supposed to say if they ask?”

“That it’s none of their business,” Ellana said. She twisted her hand behind her back to check once more that her staff was fastened and well hidden behind her coat. It was, but she was sure she’d be checking again in a few minutes. “With you here it’ll be easy for us to pass through. As long as we keep to ourselves, we’ll be fine. You can buy our tickets at the docks and we’ll arrive in Jader in a short three days.”

“Three days?” A strange voice spoke suddenly from beside them: soft, lilting and melodic. Ellana and Amaryllis jumped quickly, reaching for their staffs on instinct. The woman’s eyes were a bright green, wrinkling at the edges as her lips pulled into a gentle smile. “Are you swimming to Jader? That’s not good, the water is quite cold this time of year. Your toes might freeze off.” She sounded genuinely concerned for their toes’ well-being. Amaryllis wasn’t sure what to make of the woman. 

Ellana positioned herself in front of Amaryllis defensively. “Excuse me? Who are you?”

Amaryllis laid a hand on her sister’s shoulder, pulling her back. She shook her head at Ellana’s confused look. The woman did not seem dangerous, and it would not do them any good to react this way towards every stranger they met. 

Amaryllis spoke before the stranger could answer. “No, not swimming. Our plan was to buy passage to Jader at the docks. You are from Kirkwall?”

“Yes, I have lived in Kirkwall for quite a few years now. Lovely city, if you can ignore the crime and murder. I am Merrill.” The woman bowed her head towards them slightly in greeting and peeked around Amaryllis towards Ellana. Her mouth pulled into a small smile though her wide eyes seemed to be searching Ellana’s for something Amaryllis couldn’t quite put a finger on. The woman spoke to Ellana directly. “ _An’daran atish’an. Nuvenan ma son. Ane ma nuven’in halani?_ ”

Amaryllis laughed. Of course, to any other Dalish it might have looked like Ellana had been taken captive. With her robes tied so tightly closed it would look to any outsider just like they had wanted it to: a human with her Elven servant. 

“ _Tuelanen i’na, Merrill. Ar melin Amaryllis, ash melin Ellana_. _Ame son, i na?_ ” Amaryllis said without hesitation, watching as Merrill’s eyes darted towards her in surprise. 

“I’ve never heard a human speak Elven, and without an _accent_ ,” exclaimed the elf, clapping her hands together in joy. She jumped forward to take their hands, short black hair bouncing with the movement. “It is so nice to meet you both, Amaryllis and Ellana.”

“Is your clan somewhere nearby?” Ellana asked, motioning for the three of them to step off the main path. They took a seat upon a few small rocks closer to the edge of a cliff. The drop was not steep and the path continued its winding route below, but from there the outskirts of Kirkwall could easily be seen. If they squinted hard enough they might have been able to make out the very tops of the mansions in Hightown. “I know there are many clans in the Free Marches, but you are the first Dalish we have seen in weeks.”

Merrill nodded and her grin fell slightly. Amaryllis wondered what the story was behind that, but did not press. She was still a stranger, after all. “Yes, they are nearby, though I do not stay with them. I live in the city.”

“In the city?” Amaryllis repeated, her tone curious. Merrill straightened as if waiting for the inevitable question of _why_ but it did not come. “I hate to ask, but would you be so kind as to lead us to the docks? We’ve never been to the city before and I’m afraid we might lose our way and waste valuable time.”

“Of course,” Merrill said, relaxing once more. “When I first arrived I constantly found myself lost. It wouldn’t be right to leave you two to defend for yourselves.”

“Is it really that dangerous?” Ellana asked, leaning towards the elf with a hopeful expression, though the answer was painfully obvious. A war between rebel mages and bloodthirsty Templars? One run in with a Templar was enough for ten lifetimes. 

“Oh, yes,” laughed Merrill. “Especially at night, though I wouldn’t worry too much. I will help you to the docks. The ride to Jader should be less than two days, and thankfully it is still quite early enough that you might find a ship leaving this afternoon . You might arrive at your destination by tomorrow night!”

“Tomorrow night?” Amaryllis smiled ecstatically and jumped to her feet. “Our timeline was off then. We’ll be ahead of schedule!”

“‘ _Ma serannas,_ Merrill. If we have some time before the ship leaves we would gladly treat you to lunch wherever you would like.” Ellana said, standing with a stretch of her arms above her head. She ran a hand distractedly along her braid, deep in thought. 

“I don’t mind helping you both at all, especially if there’s a chance for me to learn more about a human dressed like the Dalish.” Merrill joined them where they stood and began leading the duo down the mountain path. She was quick on her feet. It wasn’t long before they were walking past small, dilapidated hovels outside the city walls. The air smelled of mud and manure. Children ran about in their bare feet, faces smudged with dirt. Some of the homes had missing sections in their roofs and walls where rain or snow would pour in. There were no adults to be found. They were orphans, then. “What clan do you come from?”

“Clan Lavellan, to the north.” Amaryllis murmured, stepped around a cat carrying its freshly killed meal. She grimaced. 

“So you’re part of a clan, then?” Merrill looked positively intrigued. She stopped beside a small child, sitting in the doorway of one hut, and ran a hand over the little girl's matted hair. She smiled and continued slapping her hands in the mud where she had been forming it into a little mountain. Merrill reached into her pocket and pulled out an apple, handing it to the girl, who took it with glee and immediately bit down. Juice flowed freely down her chin but she did not wipe it away. The elf lifted her pointer finger to her mouth and the little girl did the same, muttering around her mouthful “shh, secret.”

Merrill turned and continued walking. “How did that come to be, if you don’t mind me asking? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Unless you were elf-blooded, but your height and facial structure suggest otherwise. Other humans may not be able to tell but,” she tapped the side of her head. “It’s easy for the Dalish to tell. We know what to look for, even if the features may be subtle.”

Ellana looked to Amaryllis with worry, but Amaryllis shook her head. She felt no ill intent from the other elf — in fact she seemed to be quite comfortable speaking with them though the three were essentially strangers. “It’s not a story I often tell. The details often evade me.”

“You do not have to tell me,” Merrill reassured, expression turning regretful. “I’m sorry to have asked if it has brought back painful memories.”

“It’s alright, it was so long ago that it no longer affects me the same.” Amaryllis shrugged. Ellana turned to focus on the open gates they were swiftly approaching, gaze turned steely. She may not have known the full events of the accident, but she knew enough from being woken by Amaryllis’s cries, night after night, that she had never pressed for details. “ My mother and sister perished in a carriage accident. We were on our way to see my father. I was so young at the time… I remember waking in the forest with the knowledge of nothing but my own name, and the fact that my family was gone.”

“Oh dear,” Merrill said. They walked slowly through the entrance into the bustling city. Though they were surrounded on all sides by people going about their daily business, the three didn’t seem to notice much, too caught up in the moment. “I’m sorry. That must have been difficult to bear.”

Amaryllis shrugged again, swallowing thickly against the strange itching in her throat. Ellana finished for her. “Our Keeper found her and brought her to us. Amaryllis has lived with us since then. She is family, though she may not share our blood.”

“That is a wonderful end to your story,” said Merrill with a smile. “And I thank you for sharing it with me. Not many of the Dalish would be willing to do what your clan has done.”

“Yes, they’re quite the special bunch.” Amaryllis agreed, chuckling lowly. “This does lead me to question — you said I was a ‘human dressed as Dalish.’ So you did notice, then? Do you think others will?”

“Oh no, the _shemlen_ are usually far too busy caring about their own lives to look twice at your clothing, but...” she said. Merrill pursed her lips and tilted her head to the side, pausing for a moment as she turned her gaze to Amaryllis’s dress. “Well, as long as we steer clear of certain sections of Hightown. You would think the nobles would have better things to do than criticize your looks.”

“I take it you’ve experienced it yourself?”

Merrill blinked a few times. “No, they don’t usually notice I’m even there, but I’ve heard them talking about other noble’s shoes and let’s just say yours are not to their taste.”

Ellana snorted and pressed the back of her hand to her mouth to hide her grin. Amaryllis couldn’t help but smile as well. 

“What is it?” asked Merrill. Her brows furrowed in confusion. “Have I said something rude?” 

“No, no,” Ellana said, dropping her hand from her face. “You were right on the mark. Her shoes _are_ ugly.”

“Excuse me, but you’re wearing the same pair!” Amaryllis cried.

“Oh, that’s true,” Merrill said, nodding in agreement as she stared down at their boots. “But why do they look so different on her?”

Ellana curled into herself in a fit of laughter while Amaryllis huffed in frustration. The three women continued on their way through the city, taking twists and turns until suddenly they were able to smell the sulfuric saltwater and algae-covered wet stones, things Amaryllis had never really noticed as a child. It has been over fourteen years since she had last seen the ocean and to be completely honest, she had never missed it. The thought of deep, dark waters and the bottomless sea has her hair standing on end and her gut roiling. She thought she was over her fear of the water. Apparently not.

Ellana took in her sister’s reaction and leaned against her, encouraging her to look away from where the water slapped against the edges of the port. “Will you be alright?” She asked quietly. Merrill didn’t notice and continued leading them forward. 

Amaryllis took a deep breath to steady herself and nodded tersely. Ellana frowned. “I have to be. We can’t afford to go around. The journey is less than two days, Merrill said. I can handle it. I just won’t look down.”

Ellana sighed but didn’t press further. Amaryllis knew she was right. What other choice did they have?

“Here we are,” Merrill said, motioning towards a burly, angry looking man with a balding head and an eye-patch. He was speaking to a couple as he leaned against a podium where a book sat before him, writing names onto the pages hastily. He accepted their coin and waved the couple away with a grunt. “Don’t let the eye-patch fool you — he isn’t a real pirate.” She frowned as if the information saddened her. Amaryllis felt sure it did. Merrill seemed like the type of person to think pirates truly had peg-legs, eye-patches, and squawking parrots upon their shoulders. “You can buy passage here. He will point you to the right ship.”

" _Nuvas ema ir’enastela,_ Merrill. You have helped us tremendously.” Amaryllis thanked her, bowing slightly at the waist.

“ _Sathem,_ ” said Merrill. “It was no problem at all.”

“Kitten!” A voice called out loudly from one of the docked ships and Merrill _gasped_. Amaryllis turned, twisting her neck as she watched the event unfold in front of her. 

A woman flew from the deck and into the air, landing on top of Merrill who fell back onto the ground, straddled by the woman who obviously knew her. 

“Isabela!” Merrill cried, wrapping her arms around the woman’s shoulders. They held each other for a moment while Ellana and Amaryllis glanced at each other in confusion. “I did not know you were coming so soon!”

“Kitten, I sent you a letter,” Isabela stood, helped Merrill to her feet, and began wiping the dirt from her bare knees. She was scantily clad and completely under-dressed for the cold winter weather, yet seemed to be completely unbothered by the chill. Her dress was low-cut, slit up the sides to the dangerous point of almost putting her entire ass on display. Amaryllis would be lying if she said she wasn’t jealous of Isabela’s body, or her confidence in showing it. “It said I would be here Thursday. Guess what? It’s Thursday.”

“It’s Thursday?” Merrill sucked in a breath, bringing both hands up to cover her mouth. “I thought it was Monday!”

Isabela laughed. “What would you do without me?”

Amaryllis tapped Ellana’s shoulder and motioned for them to step away to give the two some time to catch up and buy their tickets. Merrill noticed the movement and took Isabela’s arm, turning her to face her new companions. 

“This is Amaryllis and Ellana. I met them this morning while I was out picking herbs.”

“Hello,” Isabela said, shaking both of their hands lightly. She flipped her hair back behind her shoulder and quirked an eyebrow in their direction. 

“They’re here to take a boat to Jader.” Merrill added, gazing longingly at Isabela as if she were begging. 

The woman sighed, gesturing towards her vessel with a twist of her wrist. “And I suppose you’d like me to take them?”

“Oh, would you please?” Merrill asked, jutting her bottom lip out. Isabela pinched the bridge of her nose and huffed. 

“And I’m also guessing this is because you want me to take you with. Am I right?”

“It’s been so long since I rode your boat!” The elf exclaimed. 

“Ship,” Isabela said, curling her lip in disapproval. “It’s a _ship_ , Kitten, not a boat. How many times have I told you this?” She turned toward the two girls, who still stood awkwardly to the sidelines, playing with the ends of their hair. “What’s your plan, then? Why are you going to Jader?”

Amaryllis answered quickly. “To visit my uncle.”

Isabela smirked. “And what is this uncle’s name?”

“Um,” She bit her bottom lip and glanced towards Ellana once, who jabbed her in the side for being so obvious. “Haw...thorne?” 

“I’ve never heard of this Hawthorne,” The pirate twirled her hair idly around her fingers. “So what are you going for, really?”

“We’re going to Haven, to the Temple of Sacred Ashes.” Ellana said. Amaryllis turned to her, shocked, and her sister shrugged. “You were too obvious, Lis.”

“A Dalish elf, and a human dressed as one, going to Andraste’s temple?” Isabela scoffed. “Whatever for?”

“Our Keeper is ill. We’re willing to try anything that will save her.” Ellana looked sorrowfully down at the ground, and Amaryllis followed suit, trying to ignore the irregular beating of her heart. Lying had never been her strong suit. She didn’t like the anxiety that came with it. 

“I see.” The woman watched them for a long moment then finally sighed, turning to Merrill. “Alright. I’m supposed to be heading towards Antiva in a week's time, and was hoping to relax here for a bit with you, spend a few nights at the Blooming Rose… but I can’t resist those puppy dog eyes, or the chance to spend a few days at sea with my little Kitten.” The pirate smiled, and Merrill dove towards her, wrapping her arms around the woman as she jumped for joy.

“Oh, thank you Isabela! When will we be leaving? I need to go back to my house, grab a few things, lock the doors…”

“You haven’t locked your doors?” Isabela exclaimed. “ _Andraste’s knickers_ , Merrill, you’re going to be robbed blind.”

“It’s not as if they can take my eyes,” the elf murmured. “They're attached to my body. The mirror is a wonderful deterrent as well. I leave it unlocked every day, and I’ve never seen anything go missing.”

“That you’ve _noticed_.” The pirate rolled her eyes and put her hands determinedly on her hips, looking towards the duo again. “Alright, I’ll grant you passage at a discounted price, since you’re a friend of a friend. Two silvers each.”

“For one night?” Amaryllis squeaked, leaning to whisper to Ellana. “Isn’t that steep?”

“I don’t know!” She hissed back. Isabela watched them with open amusement. “Fine, two silvers each. Thank you for helping us.” 

“It’s my pleasure,” Isabela drawled, holding her hand out to accept their coin with a wink. She took Merrill's arm, turned abruptly, and glanced back over her shoulder at the sisters. “Come on, let’s go and kick some thieving ass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Mythal re i’na. Da’reth shiral, ma lethal’lan. - Basically, "Mythal be with you. Farewell, my kin" lethal'lan means kin, friend, family, etc. It's only used for people close to you.  
> 2\. Tuelanen i'na. - Creators be with you  
> 3\. Nuva es’an ea tas i’na, lethal’lin - May they also be with you, friend  
> 4\. An’daran atish’an. Nuvenan ma son. Ane ma nuven’in halani? - Greetings, I hope you are well. Do you need help? (Are you in need of assistance?)  
> 5\. Tuelanen i’na, Merrill. Ar melin Amaryllis, ash melin Ellana. Ame son, i na? - Greetings (creators be with you, can also be a greeting) Merrill. I am Amaryllis, she is Ellana. I am well, how are you? (she says this to show Merrill, obviously, that she is no threat)  
> 6\. 'Ma serannas - Thank you  
> 7\. Nuvas ema ir’enastela - Thank you so much (may you have great blessings)  
> 8\. Sathem (lasa halani) - You're welcome (Pleased to be of service)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the true beginning of their journey - Haven!  
> Am I skipping forward often? Yeah. I didn't have a ton of content for the beginning planned, and I didn't want to spend a long time on their whole trip to Haven... but yeah, anyway! Here ya go

Amaryllis felt a great ache in her chest as they entered the alienage. Though the people seemed well, clean, and far better off than those outside the city’s walls, their squalid homes looked much the same. The still air of Lowtown smelled like the musty bottom of a chamber-pot. Amaryllis had to fight the urge to cover her nose for fear of offending the bare-faced elves watching their arrival. 

Upon seeing Merrill, their faces lit up. A man with shoulder-length hair and a stern expression approached her. When he spoke, he smiled widely in genuine happiness. 

“Good day, Merrill,” he nodded blankly towards Isabela, who grinned like a cat that got the cream. There was obviously a story behind that. “I see you’ve brought your friend _again_. Will you be leaving, then?”

“ _On dhea’him, lethal’lin_ ,” she said. “And yes, just for a few days. I’m going sailing!”

"No hello for me, Loren? Have you forgotten me already?"asked Isabela, batting her eyelashes. The elf, Loren, sneered. 

"I wish you'd stay away long enough for me to forget," he grumbled under his breath then smiled again at Merrill who seemed not to have noticed the tension between her two friends. "I'll watch over your plants then, if you'd like."

"Oh, thank you, Loren, you're too kind. I would truly appreciate it."

"Not a problem." His cheeks flushed pink and he scratched at the side of his head bashfully. Amaryllis fought a snicker, clamping her lips shut to keep the sound back. 

"I'll be back in just a few days." Merrill assured him. "Thank you again!" 

The man quickly stalked off, taking position by the enormous tree in the center of the courtyard as he watched the group enter Merrill's home. Isabela snaked an arm around her friend's torso, giggling madly when the elf leaned into her. Loren could be heard hissing angrily behind them.

"Look at that sorry sack, he's positively fuming. Jealousy is an ugly emotion."

At the sister's confused looks Isabela shrugged and pressed a kiss against Merrill's cheek. The elf was so happy she seemed to be floating. 

Ah, there it was, then. Amaryllis smiled. No wonder the two women had been delighted to see each other.

All four women pushed through the doorway into Merrill’s home. The dusty wooden floor creaked softly beneath their feet. 

Thankfully, there were no “thieving asses” to kick. The room before them was by no means large, but it was bigger than an travel, longer and taller than their tent, and it had Amaryllis's heart twisting as she remembered her family's house… it had been so long since then she could scarcely recall the color of the walls, what photos lined the stairway, or what door in the upstairs hallway was hers. She shook her head to disrupt her negative thoughts.

Everything in Merrill's home seemed to be a light brown, the color of dried mud. She squinted her eyes and it all seemed to blend together into a blob of tan, but it was warm, clean, and the air smelled of dried herbs. 

“By the Dread Wolf! Why is my house always a mess when someone comes by? I usually keep it sparkling, I swear!” Merrill exclaimed. She quickly lit a lamp hanging above a rounded table in the corner of the room then began scouring her home for a bag to pack, muttering a list of necessities under her breath. Isabela took a seat at Merrill’s desk and propped her boots on the surface, crossing her arms over her chest. Her breasts seemed as though they might pop through the laces of her dress at any moment. 

Amaryllis was pulled from her staring by Ellana, who leaned in closely to whisper. “This place is horrible. These elves... Why would they continue to stay here? If Merrill’s clan is close by, why wouldn’t they join them?”

“Oh, the Dalish would never accept them,” Merrill said from where she had popped up behind them, expression still open and joyful though the subject was anything but. “These elves are children of slaves and servants that have spent generations away from their clans. The Dalish view them as blood traitors. They call them flat-ears.” She tilted her head to the side in blatant curiosity. “It’s strange you did not know this already.”

“I don’t recall it ever being mentioned, and to be honest if it was, we probably weren’t listening.” Amaryllis said with a shrug, though both she and Ellana’s faces had flushed pink with embarrassment and shame at the admission. “We’ve never lived near any cities either. Our clan keeps mostly to themselves, save for the few instances we came across other Dalish.”

“You’re quite lucky to be so untouched by others’ prejudiced beliefs,” the elf said, cinching her bag shut tightly. “To be able to think for yourselves and form your own opinions is not something to be taken for granted.”

“Well said, Kitten,” Isabela rose from her seat and came to Merrill’s side to wrap her arm around her once more. The elf smiled dopily and leaned against her. “I’ve been dying to ask though, how did a human come to join the Dalish?”

“Oh, it’s a very interesting story,” Merrill exclaimed. “Maybe they can tell it again, on the way?”

“Good idea.” The woman leaned over to blow out the lamp, casting them all into darkness. 

Merrill squeaked and quickly made for the door, stumbling over her own feet. A hard thud - like the dropping of a stone - could be heard. The door suddenly sprung open, illuminating the elf who was rubbing at her forehead as she winced in pain. “I wish I wasn’t so clumsy.”

“It’s all part of your charm.” Isabela said, twisting around Merrill to hold the door open for the other two. She motioned with her head towards the courtyard and smiled. “Come along you two, I’ve got a ship to sail.”

  
  
  
  
  


The weather had turned out to be quite perfect for sailing. 

Though the wind was cold, biting to the point where Amaryllis felt the tip of her nose might turn blue and fall off, ice had yet to form along the water’s edge and the wind actually provided them with such lift that Isabela was sure they’d arrive faster than they’d originally thought. There seemed to be no issue with their journey but Amaryllis was suffering from her own. She had become violently seasick and she was constantly gripped by terror, unable to stand or look at the open sea surrounding her. The memory of _why_ had never left her, never turned fuzzy around the edges like birthday cakes and cuddles between her mother and father on the couch, or staring at the sky upon the ceiling of Akasha’s room. It hadn’t grown old, was still clear, distinct, and she couldn’t shake the feeling of freezing water around her throat, choking her, filling her lungs until she was nothing but ice.

She turned to the railing and welcomed the distraction of her heaving gut.

After emptying her stomach for what felt like the hundredth time, Amaryllis sat back against the railings of the main deck and closed her eyes in the hopes of forgetting her entire existence until they next touched land. 

Ellana slid to the floor beside her and wiped her sister’s mouth with the corner of a cloth. “Are you alright?”

“I will be once I see land,” Amaryllis muttered, resting her clammy forehead against Ellana’s shoulder. “Did the captain say when we might arrive?”

“By morning at the earliest,” Ellana pulled her hood up to block out the wind and nudged Amaryllis with her arm. “Come, Merrill said we could join them in the captain’s quarters. It’ll be dinner soon.”

Amaryllis groaned. Her stomach clenched in protest at the thought of food. “No, I can’t eat. I won’t.”

“You should at least eat some bread.”

She shook her head in disagreement but stood when Ellana helped her. Together they took the stairs through a small doorway below the quarter deck leading down to the captain’s cabin. The moment she entered the ship seemed to sway further to the side and Amaryllis lurched forward, grappling for the railing along the sides of the walls. Ellana sighed and put her arm around Amaryllis’s middle to help her the rest of the way down. Eventually they found the doorway and she knocked a few times loudly, huffing impatiently when there was no answer. 

For a moment nothing could be heard but the muted splash of waves above deck and wind whooshing past the entrance to the stairwell, until suddenly there was a sound from behind Isabela’s door. Giggling, a whisper, the smacking of lips, and then a cut-off groan. Ellana quickly turned red.

“Let’s just wait in the kitchen,” she squeaked, turning on her heel and dragging Amaryllis along with her. They hadn’t gotten very far when the door to Isabela’s quarters clicked open. 

She stood at the threshold watching them flee with a self-satisfied smirk, then sighed and spoke. “Come along you two, dinner is waiting.” Isabela stepped out to hold the door open and motioned them inside with a commanding swing of her arm. The pirate looked the same as she had all day. There was no evidence of what Ellana had imagined to be going on behind closed doors. Merrill, however, was a different story.

The elf sat at a small table in the middle of the room which had obviously been set for dinner. Four bowls filled to the brim with stew sat before their chairs. There was a plate of butter upon the table, and a platter where there should have been bread. For some reason the bread was strewn upon the floor, Merrill’s hair was mussed, her lips the same pink as her cheeks, and the pale tunic she wore was obviously backwards. The strings usually used to fasten the front were hanging over the back of her chair. 

“Oh, hello,” she said with a small, embarrassed wave of her hand. “I’m sorry, we were… sleeping. Lost track of time. Sorry!”

Isabela rolled her eyes and slammed the door shut behind them, sauntering over to the chair beside Merrill where she plopped down gracefully, crossing one leg over the other. Ellana dropped her sister in one chair then took a seat herself. Amaryllis tried to sit still, as if it would stop the sloshing in her stomach. It didn’t.

“The stew is still warm,” Merrill said cheerfully, taking a large bite. Her face burned a brighter red and she opened her mouth, sucking in air to cool the fire on her tongue. “It’s hot! Hot!”

“Please be careful, Kitten,” Isabela brought a cup of port to the elf’s lips, encouraging her to gulp it down. “That mouth of yours is too valuable to lose.”

Ellana snorted into her own cup, coughing so hard tears welled in her eyes and slid down her cheeks. It was Amaryllis’s turn to pat her on the back.

The room grew quiet as they ate, save for the scraping of their spoons against their bowls. Amaryllis attempted a few small bites, but the brown sludge color of the stew had her pushing it towards Ellana before she could find the strength to vomit again. Eventually Isabela spoke. 

“Where did you say you’re going again?” She asked from behind her desk. Papers and ledgers were strewn across the surface, riddled with scribbles Amaryllis couldn’t make out. She was beginning to feel better though she knew there would be no stomaching a meal, not until she stepped foot on land.

“The Temple of Sacred Ashes,” she answered, murmuring a thanks to the cabin boy who had come by to clean up their dinner. He smiled bashfully and scuttled out at Isabela’s amused chuckle. “Near a village called Haven.”

“Haven,” Isabela stood to lean against the edge of the desk, tapping a gloved finger against her pursed lips. “Why does it feel like I’m missing something important?” 

Merrill popped up from the table suddenly and jumped for her bag. She dug around for a moment, pulled out a small book that was wrinkled severely from use, and flipped through the pages until she stopped. “Isn’t that where Varric went with that angry woman?”

“ _Oh,_ I remember now,” the pirate grinned lasciviously. “The Seeker, Cassandra. She had such lovely _eyes_.” She said the last bit with a wink.

“She was very cross with him, and she didn’t let him say goodbye.” The elf pouted, then looked towards Ellana and Amaryllis who had been sitting quietly, listening. “He had to help her with something ‘important,' he said. They left a few weeks ago. I hoped he would write but I haven’t heard from him since.”

“I would imagine he’s busy annoying some poor sods in a tavern, or cheating in archery competitions, creating new stories for his damn books.” Isabela shrugged. “But I know you miss the little man.”

“He’s only little because he’s a dwarf,” Merrill said. “And he always writes when he goes away. He knows I worry.”

“I think it’s the other way around, Kitten.”

“You might run into him,” the elf turned to the sisters. “Haven is only a village, not a city. You might see him. He’s got yellow hair, and he’s the only dwarf without a beard. If you see him, could you tell him to write to me?”

“Of course,” Amaryllis agreed. “We’ll keep our eyes peeled.” At Merrill’s worried expression she added, “I meant we’ll look for him, Merrill. We’ve got to repay you somehow.”

“Thank you,” the black-haired elf came forward and gave the unsuspecting woman a hug. Amaryllis just blinked, unsure of what her reaction should be, but Merrill didn’t seem to care. She ran a hand over Amaryllis’s head, patting her mussed hair back in a soothing manner. “Thank you, _lethal’lin._ ”

  
  
  
  
  


Somehow Ellana and Amaryllis had found themselves in a bunk in a cabin further inside the hull. The back-and-forth of the sip lulled Amaryllis into a surprisingly restful, uneventful sleep. 

They arrived in Jader not long after dawn. Merrill was barely able to convince Isabela to bring the ship to anchor at the port; she was wanting to go on a little adventure of her own while she still had time with her Kitten. When Amaryllis’s feet finally touched solid ground again, she felt like weeping. She had never felt such unadulterated joy at the sight of _dirt_.

The walkway was quickly pulled back on deck. The wind seemed to pick up, causing the sails to shake and billow out, pulling the ship back towards sea. From the quarterdeck Merrill could be seen standing beside her beloved pirate, waving towards Ellana and Amaryllis, who stood beside the docks watching them go. 

“Don’t forget to find the dwarf!” Isabela cupped her hands around her mouth to amplify her voice though she was more than loud enough on her own. Others turned to watch and see what the commotion was all about, but Amaryllis couldn’t be bothered with embarrassment. Instead, she smiled.

“We won’t! Goodbye, and thank you!” She yelled back. 

Amaryllis waited just a moment longer, until she felt the ship was far enough away and Merrill was no longer waving, then turned to Ellana and slapped an arm around her shoulders. 

“Now,” she said with excitement, turning to face the busy path of the bustling Orlesian city before them. “Let’s see about getting some breakfast. I’m _starving_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys see any mistakes, feel free to point them out. As I said before, I'm posting this as I go with little to no editing. Autocorrect doesn't always catch my failures lol


	10. Chapter 10

It was in Jader that Amaryllis purchased a new set of clothes. It was obvious upon their arrival that their original plan would never work if the human continued to dress like an elf. Though the city might have been along the border of Orlais, it was still part of a country famous for its pompous arrogance and extravagant fashion. The sisters saw enough live birds in broad hats shaped like cages to last a lifetime. 

They had also had more than enough of the staring and sneers thrown in their direction, so Amaryllis bought new robes, and Ellana fully took on her role as “servant.” They were willing to keep up the facade until they reached Haven. Hopefully, whoever they met along the way would be more forgiving.

Amaryllis felt no need to complain, though. The azure blue dress she bought fell well below her calves and the fabric was heavy enough that it trapped her body heat beneath it. She felt warmer than she had in weeks.

“Why don’t you buy something as well?” She suggested quietly to her sister as she handed the shopkeeper the money she owed him. He glared at her through his long-nosed mask. “I don’t want you to suffer from the cold, either.”

Ellana shook her head and opened their coin purse, looking inside. She shook her head more fervently. “No, I’m fine.”

Amaryllis ignored her and turned towards the shopkeeper. “Could we take another look at your winter section?”

He clicked his tongue and frowned and dismissed them with a wave of his hand. “I do not clothe the help. Maybe try the bin?”

Amaryllis turned hot with sudden rage. She pointed an accusatory finger at the man. “We are customers. I just purchased this robe from you, and you have the audacity to turn my coin away?”

“I will not serve a knife-ear.” He said, using his finger to push hers away roughly. “Surely you must understand.”

“I do not understand,” she seethed. Ellana touched her arm to calm her rage, but it only aggravated her further. “She has the coin and is willing to pay. She is a customer, the same as I.”

“As I said, I will not serve her. It would ruin my business if people were to see her in my clothing.” He sniffed and shooed them away. 

Ellana pulled at her arm again. “Let’s just go, Lis. It isn’t worth it.”

Amaryllis shook. She had always wondered what people meant when they said they saw red. She understood it perfectly, now. 

“To the void with you,” she spat at his feet and began removing the dress from her body, but Ellana’s grip on her arm was strong, pulling her out the shop door.

The frigid winter wind swiftly cooled her fury. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself. 

“Amaryllis,” Ellana’s expression was unimpressed. She openly frowned, took a quick look around them, then leaned in closer so no one could hear. The walls in Orlais were known to have eyes. “You must control yourself. This hasn’t been the first time, nor will it be the last. You can’t act this way every time. You are the human, I am the elf. You are the noble, I am your servant. Now act the part.”

“You can’t expect me to do that. It’s not like I can flip a switch and you’re no longer my sister.” She hissed back, ripping her arm from Ellana’s hand. 

“You have to.” Ellana demanded. “If this is to work, you will do it.”

“It was your idea in the first place.” She added, muttering her aggravation at the other woman. She stormed away from Amaryllis and further down the street, then paused and turned halfway towards her, expression unreadable for a moment. “Let’s go. We don’t have all day.”

Amaryllis rolled her eyes and stomped forward, joining her at her side. She slid her arm through her sister’s , grumbling, “Is that how you talk to your master?” 

She promptly hit the ground with a pained hiss, rubbing at her bruised backside.

The rest of their journey did not go as planned.

From Jader to Haven it should have been about a week on a foot. They should have arrived with a few days to rest, set up camp somewhere outside the village, and begin finalizing their plans. Instead, a storm had come through, dropping over a meter of snow along the path through Gherlen’s Pass, and they spent days trekking through snow, soaked to their waists, only to find out they had walked less than ten miles. If they continued at the pace they were going, they would have missed the conclave entirely, and returned to the clan empty handed and penniless.

On their third day along the eastern section of the Imperial Highway, the sun rose high. Bright, warm rays beamed down upon them, slowly melting snow that gave way to a well-trodden path. Amaryllis was beginning to believe that Mythal truly was watching over them. She thanked the creators for small blessings.

On their eighth day along the Imperial Highway, they came across a sign. Not a sign from the creators, but a literal, physical sign. It pointed to a dilapidated road towards the east. “Village of Haven,” it read.

There was a sense of muted triumph. The journey had gone a lot better than expected. Only two more days and they would arrive at their destination. They would finish their mission and go home, where they would no longer have to pretend to be something they were not. It seemed too good to be true.

It was.

There were bandits along the path to Haven. Amaryllis wondered how confident they were in their thieving abilities to set up on a much-used path towards a village where hundreds of powerful people would meet. Upon seeing the pile of dead and their stolen armor, Amaryllis had to say “very.”

Their numbers seemed to have dwindled, and the rest injured if their limping and groaning was anything to go by. 

“We were about to go,” one particularly grotesque man spat with a grin. His teeth were slick with what Amaryllis hoped was his own blood. “But you’re only two.”

“Or you could let us go,” Ellana said with a shrug. She appeared aloof, nonchalant, but Amaryllis could see her hands shaking, curling into fists at her sides. “Save yourselves the fight.”

“You’re just a girl,” another laughed. The right side of his face was filthy, streaked with dirt and dried, brown ichor. “Looks like you don’t even have weapons.”

They amused Amaryllis. “Who says we need a weapon to fight?” 

Ellana shot her a look, as if she wanted her sister to back down, but Amaryllis shook her head. These men wouldn’t let them go anyway, not with the way they were approaching, circling from all sides. There seemed to be about seven of them. 

Any other day this would have possible meant a death sentence. That these men were exhausted and injured only cemented the thought in Amaryllis’s mind that she and Ellana truly were being protected. 

The first man scoffed while the others chuckled. Ellana reached behind, underneath her cloak, and gripped the pole of her staff. Amaryllis did the same. 

“Sounds like you want a fight,” yet another said. His voice was rough with use. “Why don’t we give them one?”

“Fenedhis,” Ellana hissed between gritted teeth. “You had to egg them on?”

“This is excellent practice either way.” Amaryllis had the audacity to laugh. 

They fought little, other than practicing with the Keeper, and while Amaryllis knew she might have gotten ahead of herself, this was what they needed. What better way to test their skills in battle than to use them in a proper fight? 

What better way to assuage Ellana’s fears than to show her how capable she was?

One man bellowed - a war cry that sounded more like the bleating of a terrified lamb, if you asked her - and they unsheathed their blades, running forward all at once.

Amaryllis ripped her staff from her back and slammed the pole to the ground, throwing one arm out in front of herself. A round, thick barrier made of the Fade formed around them. The bandits bounced directly off it and onto their bottoms. Amaryllis snickered.

Ellana sighed, pulling her own staff out with a spinning flourish. “How am I supposed to attack? I can’t get through the barrier.” 

“See, I told you we should have attached hidden daggers. Would be easy to stick them where it hurts without having to get close enough to touch.”

“Our staves are good enough. We have magic. What do we need blades for?” Ellana saw the bandits circle the barrier, testing its capabilities. One went running forward again, aiming his sword towards it. The barrier bowed inward, then snapped back, sending him flying. The rounded top was dissolving, though. It would not last much longer. 

“Wait for the opening, then strike. Watch.” Amaryllis waited a moment longer, listening to the meaningless taunting of the asinine outlaws, pooling her mana into the curled tip of her staff. Ellana did the same.

A pinprick, the sound of air seeping in, and the barrier burst like a bubble. The men stumbled forward from where they’d been pressed against it, three fell to their knees while the others struggled to keep their balance. Ellana struck one with a hurried chain of lightning that shocked the others beside him. The first one toppled over, muscles tensed and limbs straight, like a felled tree. 

Amaryllis locked another in a thick sheet of ice, not even pausing to observe the slowing twitch of his fingers as they froze before she moved onto the next one. She fade-stepped to his side and shoved him towards her sister with the end of her staff. With one hand outstretched, Ellana pulled her fingers into her palm, then threw them open again. Flames burst from her fingertips, lighting the bandit’s breeches on fire. He screamed and took off running into the trees. 

A millisecond later, he tripped over a gnarled tree root. The flames overtook him. Flesh sizzled as it fell from bone. He stopped moving. Three down, four to go. Amaryllis wondered if they’d ever come into contact with mages before, for them to be so unprepared. 

Ellana struck another down with a barrage of elemental energy. Each blast hit him square in the back. His eyes rolled back in his head and he gasped, then fell face first into the mud and melting snow.

The next was quick on his feet. He came up behind Amaryllis, sword aimed at an angle that was sure to gut her like a fish, but Amaryllis was faster. She stabbed him with the pointed top of her staff and swiftly pulled it back to shove at his torso. He stumbled back, hand to his breast where she struck him, and Ellana took him down, another flash of fire with a snap of her fingers. 

Two left. Amaryllis quickly scanned the area and found one, who sat using one arm to prop himself up while his other hand pressed against his punctured thigh to stem the bleeding. He had fallen on his sword and would succumb to his injuries soon enough. 

Amaryllis turned to Ellana.

And at the right moment, too. The last bandit came up behind her, while Ellana observed the bleeding man with pity in her gaze. His twin daggers glinted in the sunlight, blinding Amaryllis for a moment. He made no sound as he raised them above Ellana’s head, crossing one over the other to bring them down to slice her head clean off her neck.

Or he would have, if Amaryllis hadn’t reached out with fury, gathered all of her mana into the palms of her hands, and conjured an iridescent barrier around her sister. His blades bounced off with a ding. 

Ellana ducked and punched him in the gut. His breath came out in a strangled huff. One bolt of lightning later and the man was added to the pile beside his brethren, searched for gold, and burned. 

Amaryllis would never get used to the grotesque scent of charred human flesh. It was a far worse a smell than any. 

The barrier around Ellana lasted for a good ten minutes. Long enough for Amaryllis to sit upon a fallen log and take a long swig of her potion with trembling fingers. 

Each time this happened it reminded her of her father, and the time he had taken her with him to give blood. He had expected it to be a valuable lesson. He had expected her to watch him with awe and pride, to know that her father was doing this to help others. Instead, she had watched in terror as he stood, turned paler than a sheet, and subsequently passed out. When he woke a few minutes later the nurses had moved him to a couch and Amaryllis had been given a bottle of juice to feed to him, slowly. His hands had shaken, just like hers did now, when he took the bottle from her grasp.

She had cried. He had asked her to keep it a secret from her mother. When asked later that day if her father had inspired her to do the same, he swiftly changed the subject with a wink. It was their little secret.

Amaryllis downed the rest of her potion and popped the empty vial back into her pack. She watched Ellana make her way towards her. She sat with a thud beside her sister. The log cracked and shook, then stilled. 

Ellana huffed and kicked at the ground. Her eyes flitted from her shoes to the line she had created in the snow, towards the makeshift pyre, then back. They sat far enough away from the fire that they could not feel its heat.

“We had to,” Amaryllis laid a reassuring hand against her sister’s shoulder. “They wouldn’t have let us go without a fight.”

“I know that.” Ellana scowled. “These _shemlen_ knew nothing of compassion. They needed to be struck down.” She continued without pause, turning to her sister. The emotion in her gaze was complicated, calculated, something Amaryllis was not used to seeing. She looked more like a hunter. More like her father. 

“What is it?” She asked.

“How did you do that?” Ellana gestured vaguely towards her body with a wave of her hands. “That barrier - how did you do it?”

“I don’t know,” Amaryllis answered truthfully. “I was afraid I wouldn’t get to you in time. I believed I could do it, and I did.” she paused for a moment, chewing into her bottom lip as she thought. “The Veil can be formed into a singular shape. We both know that much about barriers. This time it felt more like… clay, but smoother. Moldable. I’m not sure what else to say. It’s difficult to describe.”

Ellana’s exasperated sigh showed her dissatisfaction with the answer, though her frustrated expression softened. Her forehead was no longer wrinkled. “I will never understand that. How are you able to conjure such powerful spells?”

“I am no stronger than you, Ellana.”

Her sister scoffed. “We both have our talents, yes, but yours differ _vastly_ from mine. I couldn’t bring such a powerful barrier into existence by sheer will.”

Amaryllis sighed and turned towards the horizon. The mid-morning air was cool, but the sun warmed her exposed skin. She was comfortable under her robes. 

Ellana was not. She ran a gloved hand up her arm to rub heat into it, shoulders shaking against the breeze. Amaryllis unclipped her top coat and slipped it over her sister’s back, fastening the front. Ellana pulled the extra layer close against her, soaking in the residual body heat. She frowned again, gazing up at Amaryllis, who stood with a slight stretch.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Ellana said. “I know we’ve discussed it before, it’s just…”

“No, it’s fine.” Amaryllis shrugged. “I’m no more special than you are, Ellana, you know that.” She grinned and nudged her sister’s arm. “Did you _see_ that fireball you conjured? I could _never._ ”

Ellana rolled her eyes, unable to fight an answering smile. “Oh, shut up.”

She stood as well and elbowed Amaryllis, who stumbled forward in shock. They both laughed.

“Though I’m sure your fire would be no match for my ice.” Amaryllis taunted with a light shove back, grateful for the change in atmosphere.

Ellana scoffed, though this time in amusement. 

“You’re on.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowzers. This chapter did not go like I had initially planned it to, which is a surprise because the majority of this fic has followed my outline.  
> originally she was going to meet Solas first, but then I realized it might not make sense because if she had watched her sister play DA:I before she would have recognized him, and any other companion. So it had to be Cullen first.
> 
> ALSO, for those who may not know, I added a lengthy bit to chapter 6. 3,000 words, actually. It's a much-needed scene that I missed. I don't plan on doing it again, but I'll still apologize for it now. You don't have to go back and read it, but it will add to the plot a bit. I liked writing it. A lot.
> 
> So, here it is. Finally the start of Inquisition :) Enjoy!

Amaryllis stood at the top of a hill overlooking the village of Haven, wrapping her cloak tighter around herself. Frigid winter winds threatened to blow her hood back and expose her reddened ears to the elements. She watched the smoke rising from chimneys below and imagined the overbearing warmth of a fire, the homey smell of freshly baked bread brushed with melted butter and dipped into a steaming bowl of thick stew. Her stomach churned in hunger. It was times like this she most missed home, missed snow days greeted with a cheer, a cup of cocoa, and a plate of toast to dip. 

Here, snow was nothing to celebrate. She had spent more winters here, suffering in the cold, than she had at home. She wished Ellana could have experienced the same. Maybe one day, she thought to herself. Maybe one day they’d pack up their tents and aravels, build themselves a home, and spend their days by the fire in the evenings instead of huddling together under blankets, attempting to warm each other. 

Amaryllis shook her head and stepped away, back towards where Ellana was clearing an area between the trees for their tent. She pulled the tent’s fabric from their bag and gave it a good shake. Ellana took one side while Amaryllis took the other, and together they threw it over its roughly crafted frame. 

“Nice.” Amaryllis praised their teamwork, taking a few pieces of branch they had broken to use as pegs. She gracefully took a knee and used a small stone to slam it into the hardened ground. It was difficult work, and by the end she was a bit sweaty, no longer cold. She glanced towards her sister. Ellana worked open the top of their waterskin and took a swig, motioning with her hand for Amaryllis to take it. She did, nodding her thanks. 

Ellana stayed quiet, looking out towards the village pensively. She hadn’t spoken much that day since their run-in with the bandits. Amaryllis had attempted to fill the silence with random chatter but had little success in coaxing even the smallest grunt from her sister. 

Amaryllis decided to try her luck again. Ellana couldn’t stay quiet forever. 

“It’s been a while since we’ve had a decent meal,” she began, handing the skin back to Ellana, who nodded in agreement. “There isn’t enough sunlight left to hunt, either. Seems there’s a tavern…” 

Ellana frowned, pressing her lips in a thin line of irritation. “We have enough rations for tonight.”

“Aren’t you tired of hardtack and dried meats?” Amaryllis tried not to scowl at her sister’s obstinance. It was proving to be impossible. “It’s cold out here. The tavern is warm. We can eat, drink, and come back here. No one will notice us in the crowd.”

“Of course they’ll notice,” Ellana huffed. “Just as others have. You can hunt tomorrow while I’m away.”

“What?” Amaryllis gaped, shocked into stillness. Her heart thumped painfully in her chest, punching against the wall of her ribcage as if threatening to rip free. She hadn’t seen this coming. “You- What do you mean, ‘while you’re away?’”

Her sister laughed once, mirthlessly. Ellana’s expression was apathetic, a stark contrast to her usually cheerful disposition. “You didn’t think you’d be joining me, did you? This is my mission, Lis. You were to help me here, to protect me on my journey. That’s it.”

Amaryllis fought the urge to stamp her foot and scream. Though fury bubbled inside her, now was not the time. She had to hear Ellana’s answer first. “How can I protect you if you’re on your own? How can I fulfill _my_ mission?”

“I can handle myself!” Ellana’s voice was a whispered hiss. She crossed her arms over her chest, face burning crimson with anger. 

“But you don’t have to do this on your own,” Amaryllis softened her tone and approached her sister, reaching for her hands. If only Ellana would see that they were in this together. “ _Babae_ asked us to take care of each other. He trained us for this. I won’t let you go alone, not when your life could be at stake. I can’t.”

Her sister’s lip trembled at the mention of their father. She blinked the beginnings of her tears away, turning her head. Amaryllis tried to pull Ellana in for a hug but her sister planted both hands against Amaryllis’s chest and pushed her away. She stumbled back a step. Ellana’s gaze was set with her decision, jaw tensed. Her cheeks stayed dry. Ellana did not falter.

“You will wait here, Amaryllis. End of discussion.” 

She didn’t wait for an answer, storming inside the tent determinedly without a momentary glance in her sister’s direction.

Amaryllis stood aside, stunned into silence at the use of her full name. 

It was going to be a long night.

  
  
  
  


Amaryllis was rudely awakened the next morning, far earlier than she had expected, by the roaring of a crowd in the distance. She scrambled out of the tent to pull on her dusky leather boots, hissing as her warm toes met stiff, frozen hide. The sky was thick with clouds, threatening a fresh snowfall. The sun seemed to be in its own state of hibernation. 

Her breath rose through the air like smoke from a dragon’s maw. ”I hate winter,” she griped to no one but herself. Amaryllis took a quick look around their campsite, crossing her arms over her chest to seal in body heat. The trees’ branches creaked. Wind whipped her disheveled hair across her sleep-flushed cheeks. Her heart thumped painfully in her chest. Ellana couldn’t have left without saying goodbye. She would never be so cruel.

She was broken from her panic at the crunching of snow beneath little feet. Amaryllis turned abruptly, one hand clutching the fabric of her cloak above her swiftly beating heart, to find her sister carrying a bundle of firewood. Ellana smiled minutely, expression troubled: apologetic but resolute. Amaryllis met her approach with a half-smile of her own.

“You could have woken me,” she said. Ellana deposited the kindling beside the low-burning fire then used a few pieces to poke the blaze back to life. “I would’ve done that for you.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” her sister answered truthfully, standing with a stretch. Amaryllis huddled close to the steadily growing flames, shaking away the lingering cold with a sigh of relief. “I wanted to clear my head a bit and… work on my apology.”

Amaryllis’s smile widened. “Oh? What apology?”

“Don’t play coy with me,” Ellana rolled her eyes and kicked at the ground, frowning. Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “I wanted to apologize. For last night.”

“And?” She asked, attempting to flutter her eyelashes innocently. It backfired. Ellana kicked a rock in her direction.

“Don’t be an ass.” Ellana turned away, towards the hill’s edge. Amaryllis followed closely. They stood at the edge of the hill above the village and watched the bustling crowd in open awe. 

Hundreds of people - Chantry sisters, Templars in glistening armor, and mages dressed in an array of mismatched robes - walked the shores of the lake and along the well-trodden trail leading towards the temple, which could be seen among the mountains. Amaryllis turned to her sister beside her. Ellana’s eyes followed the line of the crowd in open curiosity. Her expression seemed surprisingly calm for what was to come.

“Does this mean I’m going with you?” Amaryllis dared to ask, breaking the silence between them. Ellana pressed her lips into a thin, unhappy line. “You can’t seriously expect me to stay here while you go off, risking your life. I won’t let you.”

“I said ‘end of discussion’ and I meant it.” Ellana stepped back towards the fire and crouched beside it, lifting her hands to warm them. The light of its blaze was reflected in her determined gaze. “Just stay here and wait for me. Let me do this. If I don’t come back by nightfall, I’ll expect you to come looking. Until then, wait here.”

“Ellana—”

“No,” her tone was resolute. “This is my mission, and I will see it through on my own. Though, for you to be this worried,” she smirked then, and stood to bump shoulders with her sister, “you must not believe I can do it on my own. Here I thought you were on _my_ side.”

“Always,” Amaryllis answered without hesitation. Ellana’s expression softened further at her sister’s declaration. Amaryllis slid her hand into Ellana’s, squeezing their palms together once. “I will always be on your side. I can’t promise that I’ll always listen to you, though.”

Ellana let go of her sister’s hand and rolled her eyes once more. “It would serve you well to try, just this once.”

“Where would be the fun in that?” 

The elf bent through the opening of the tent to pick up her bag and made to clip to her side before she stopped and turned to Amaryllis with a devious grin. She bit at her lower lip, dropped the bag back inside the tent, and set her hands upon her narrow hips. Amaryllis frowned. 

“What?” She demanded, crossing her arms once more. Something about her sister’s gaze had her wanting to run. “Stop looking at me like that. What do you want?”

“I have an idea. One that might help our cause.”

“And what is that?”

“I’ll need your cloak,” Ellana stepped forward as Amaryllis stepped back, already pouting before Ellana had much of a chance to speak. “Just for today. Yours are inconspicuous, normal robes. I saw some of the other mages wearing the same color blue. The same style as well. “

“You noticed that from all the way up here?” Amaryllis’s voice pitched higher, more pathetic. Her robes were _warm._ The air was not. Switching robes meant taking them off and exposing herself to the cold. It could take hours to warm herself back up. “They looked like ants to me.”

“I saw a group of them earlier when I went into town.”

Amaryllis huffed in annoyance. The fire crackled beside her as if in agreement. “You went after explicitly telling me _no?_ I don’t see how that’s fair.” 

“Just— Lis, come on. You know this is a good idea. Come _on._ ” 

It took a bit more arguing, but eventually Amaryllis did give in. She hissed as her robes were removed, scrambling into her old overcoat before the wind could completely freeze her. The slits of fabric between her thighs were frayed with age and use. Though she wore fur-lined leggings and a thick, green woolen dress, she could still feel the cold cutting through. She longed for late spring: for grass between her toes and mushy, bouncy moss underfoot. 

Ellana sighed happily, pulling her sister’s cloak closer against her, basking in the comfort it provided. “If I had known it was this nice I would have fought that man in Jader.”

“Should’ve let me,” Amaryllis mumbled, shifting closer to the fire. With a grin, Ellana dashed for her pack once more, finally clipping it to her side. She lifted her hood, concealing her elongated ears. Its shadow disguised her wide eyes and marked face. Amaryllis was loath to admit her sister had been right. 

“This is perfect,” the elf turned to her sister with a smile. “Thank you.”

Amaryllis sighed and wrapped her arms around Ellana’s smaller frame, leaning her head against her sister’s. Ellana’s arms snaked around her waist. They stood for a moment, holding each other close. Amaryllis took deep, steady breaths in, willing herself to calm. This was not goodbye, she knew. It would never be. Not if she had anything to say about it. 

Nothing would keep her from the only family she had left. Not even death.

Finally, Ellana stepped back, smile unwavering, and gave her sister’s hand one last squeeze of reassurance. “I _will_ be back tonight. Catch me something delicious.”

“Maybe I’ll run into a dragon. I’ve always wondered what they tasted like.”

“Too scaley.” The elf took another step back towards the sloping side of the hill where it led to the main trail and waved. Amaryllis waved back and attempted a small smile. Everything would be fine. She would come back soon. Ellana stopped and spoke once more, “Don’t go into the village, Lis. I mean it.”

“I get it already,” Amaryllis huffed, dug her hands into the snow, and chucked a ball at her sister. She squawked, dodging at the last moment. It hit the pine tree behind her with a smack. Ellana had the audacity to look annoyed. “Now go!” 

With one last shake of her head, Ellana turned and began her journey down the slope, towards the trail into the village. After a moment Amaryllis moved towards the edge where she could see the end of the migrating crowd, hobbling along the lake-side path. A slight hooded figure dressed in blue skipped out of the trees and took up behind them, changing her stride to match their organized shuffling. 

Ellana had been right. Her cloak blended in effortlessly.

Eventually, Amaryllis lost sight of her sister and the rest of the crowd. She saw, in the distance, their ascent of the mountain. The group fused together as they walked, seemingly flowing like the rapid waters of a river. She wondered when they would arrive at the temple. She wondered what the Divine would say, if the people gathered would break out into a fight. She wondered if the war between them would worsen, that day. She wondered if the Divine had the power to cease their fighting, for good. She wondered if she should pray for her sister’s safe return. If Mythal would even listen to a _shem._

Amaryllis wondered if the bread from the village tasted as good as it smelled. 

She stoked the fire, hoping it would last until she returned. She grabbed her bag, cinched her cloak around her, pulling it close to disguise her clearly Dalish clothing, and looked towards the edge of the hill where the trail began.

Ellana had known she was going to go, anyway. Why had she mentioned it so many times, otherwise? It wasn’t as if she were breaking a promise. Not truly. 

Another gust of wind blew past her, ruffling the hood of her cloak. She pulled that against her, too, hoping her ears wouldn’t freeze off. 

Amaryllis looked back at the fire and their tent, wavering in her decision. Someone could take it. Then again, they weren’t the only ones who had set up camp outside the village. The tent was just a bit of fabric and ropes. It was all so easily replaced. 

She turned back to the trail and shrugged to herself, taking long, happy strides towards the sloping path. 

At least she would finally get some bread. 

As Amaryllis approached the village she saw a group of men in armor, soldiers, no doubt preparing to spar. She drew her hood up further, holding it tightly against her neck with one hand, and quickened her pace. Though she didn’t have much experience with them, their shining breastplates reminded her of a certain Templar, and she grimaced at the terrible memory. She passed them with ease, breathing a sigh of relief as she came upon the main gate, which stood wide open, beckoning her forward along with the yeasty scent of bread and ale. 

Upon entering Haven she could only stop and stare, brow furrowing with a strange sense of nostalgia that struck her, suddenly, like a stray bolt of lightning. The hair upon her arms rose beneath her robes so quickly that it was painful. She rubbed shaking fingers along her goosebumps with wonder. She somehow knew that if she walked up the path then turned right, past the line of billowing tents, she’d find the tavern. Somehow, she knew, inside the tavern there might be a blonde-haired woman with a silly sense of humor and a love for bees. The thought reminded her of fond exasperation, sticky-tack dried to a starry ceiling, and Akasha, making moony eyes at her computer screen. 

She shook her head and rubbed her gloved fingers into her temples with a grimace. Her sister was not something she wanted to be remembering. Akasha was a dream that came to her in the early mornings when the sunlight woke her and she fought to stay asleep. Akasha was tickles and sticky fingers stealing chocolate. Akasha was cuddling on a couch during _Tarzan,_ braiding each other’s hair and throwing popcorn into their mouths only to miss and have to vacuum every day for a week because mom was still finding kernels in the carpet. 

Akasha was not a part of her nightmares. Akasha was not frigid water and fresh, hot tears or the fumbling of numb fingers for the car lock. Akasha was not, and would never be, screams that couldn’t be heard. The burning in her chest, setting her lungs ablaze, or the trembling fingers that slipped through her own. 

Amaryllis took a deep breath. She flexed her fingers and pulled them away from where they had been digging bruises into her forearms, taking a step forward. Then another. She blinked away the remnants of her brief panic, climbed the short staircase towards the tents, took another much needed inhale, and exhaled through her nose. To the right was a building with a sign hanging above the door in the shape of a woman, waving in the wind. The singing of a bard could be heard from inside, gently muted by the walls between them. Smoke rose relentlessly from the chimney smelling of roasted meats and the promise of hot stew. Another deep breath and her hand, finally steady, found the door and pushed it open.

The warmth of a blazing fire surrounded her. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the dimmed lighting, long enough for someone within the bustling alehouse to yell “Close that damn door!” So, she did. 

  
  
  
  
  


The first thing she noticed was the distinct lack of a sassy, blonde-haired woman standing to the right of the doorway where she had expected her to be. Her shoulders slumped in relief; the tension drained from her overstrung muscles. Amaryllis was thankful, for once, to have been wrong.

Amaryllis grimaced at the rumbling in her stomach. From inside the smell of the tavern’s offerings was far more potent. She turned left in search of the bar, and found a woman standing behind it, rubbing the inside of a mug clean. Amaryllis stepped towards her and nodded in greeting when the woman smiled.

“Hello there,” the Fereldan said, placing the mug down upon the tabletop beside an identical row. She set her hands upon her hips. “What’ll it be?”

“Uh,” Amaryllis paused and shuffled on her feet, feeling awkward. “What do you have?”

“Never been to a tavern before, have you?” The woman asked with an amused giggle. “You here for the Conclave?”

“The Conclave?” Amaryllis scratched at her braided hair, puzzled. “What makes you think that?”

The woman shrugged. “It's brought in a few strange people in the past few days. Thought you might be one of them..”

“You think I’m strange?” She hadn’t expected the warmest of welcomes, but she also hadn’t expected to be insulted upon arrival. Amaryllis bristled under the woman’s attention, regretting having entered the tavern. 

“Oh, I didn’t mean anything by it, honestly” the woman looked upset by the impression she had given. “It’s not uncommon to find a patron who doesn’t know what they’re looking at, but I can’t say I’ve ever met a human dressed like the Dalish.”

Amaryllis huffed. She had been far too naive to think that her appearance wouldn’t have brought her unwarranted attention. She was glad Deshanna had kept her from marking her face, if only for a moment. “Is it really that obvious?”

“For one, your cloak isn’t the norm. The fastenings are bone but they’ve got a… leafy design. The Dalish are the leafy people.” 

“Leafy?” Amaryllis fought a chuckle, lifting her hand to rub at her nose in an attempt to hide her growing smile. “What else?”

“Hmm. For two, your stockings have that pattern, like bark or dragon scales. Not like chains.” She gestured vaguely towards Amaryllis’s upper body. “And then there’s your dress. Wouldn’t find anyone else wearing something _that_ cut up the sides. The colors are all green, black, brown - like the forest. People might think you were a half, but…” She put a pointer finger to her chin and shook her head, lips pursed in thought. “No, I don’t think so.”

“Well, thank you for your input.”

“But I take it you aren’t Inquisition, seeing your initial confused look. I’ll just assume you’re just a strange patron, come to sample my assortment of ales.” Amaryllis shook her head. “Oh? Then you’re looking for some lunch? I’ve got a fine fennec stew on today, some nug pies…”

“Do you have any bread?” Amaryllis asked, flushing under the woman’s amused gaze. She wasn’t sure how to feel about all the unwarranted _friendliness,_ if that’s what it was. 

“Of course. Wouldn’t survive without it!”

“Could I have the stew then, please?” She unclipped her bag from her side and set it upon the table. “And as much bread as I can fit in my bag.”

The woman cackled, slapping a hand upon the bartop. “I like you. Take a seat wherever you like, I’ll bring it to you shortly.”

With a satisfied grin, Amaryllis took a look around the room in search of a seat. There were quite a few chairs open as she imagined the majority of the village’s current business was away in the mountain. She felt a pang of anxiety grip her at the reminder, but quickly pushed it away. Panicking could be reserved for later, after she had her first hot meal in weeks. 

There were a few patrons, still, sipping on ale and talking amongst themselves animatedly. The bard continued to sing gently, the sound of her lute soothing. Amaryllis took a seat at a single table at the window to the right of the bar, plopping her bag into her lap. No sooner than her bottom met the chair did the barkeep come striding over with a bowl of stew, so full it was almost overflowing. She slapped a roll the size of a fist upon the table beside it, grinning as she watched Amaryllis dive for it like the starving creature she was. 

“You must’ve traveled a long way to be this happy over a bit of bread.” The woman stepped away again and brought back another five or six of them, eyeing the flop of Amaryllis’s bag in her lap. She came back with two more and set to wrap them up in a bit of parchment. “Bit tired of the dry, crumbly shite, aren’t you?”

“If I never saw it again it would be too soon,” Amaryllis grumbled through a mouthful of carrot, cooked so thoroughly that it melted on the tip of her tongue. She ripped a piece of the roll to run along the edge of her bowl and popped the dripping bit in her mouth. “This is delicious.”

“I’ll never tire of compliments when it comes to my cooking,” the woman said. She dropped the wrapped bread upon the table with a smile. “The name is Flissa, by the way. Now that you’ve had my cooking and survived my horrible conversational skills, it’d be remiss of me to act a stranger.”

Amaryllis brushed her hands together to wipe away any lingering crumbs and grasped the hand outstretched towards her, shaking it. “Amaryllis,” she introduced herself.

Flissa stepped away with a nod, back towards the bar, and began wiping out her cups again, beaming. Amaryllis went back to her lunch, slurping it down with a grin. 

Had it always been that easy to make friends?

Amaryllis set off an hour later with a bag full of bread, a warm, full stomach, and a promise to stop in for dinner and a pint. 

The path she took back to the gates led around the village, circling before a grand church: the chantry, she knew. She told herself it was obvious to deduce upon seeing its stained glass windows and the way it towered above the rest of the village, not because somewhere, in the deepest recesses of her mind, she _knew._

She continued past the chantry, making her way back towards the gate from where she had entered. Her feet seemed to move of their own accord, as if they had taken the same path before; as if, on instinct, they were following the memory of a childhood long forgotten. Amaryllis had wondered time and again if the childhood she _did_ remember was a fever dream or something a spirit, maybe one of compassion, had fabricated to hide her from her past. If her true childhood had been filled with trauma, far more than the one she remembered, and her subconscious had somehow created such an amazingly detailed hallucination. She wouldn’t deny that it was a thought that often plagued her. So many many what-ifs, so many questions, but never any answers. There was no going back. She had accepted that.

The closer she came to the opening, the stranger she felt. Her chest grew numb, her heart no longer beating. Ringing in her ears, then nothing at all but pure silence. Soldiers on break stepped past her, wiping at their sweaty brows with dirtied cloths, talking between each other, but she paid them no heed. Something in her bones seemed to be forcing her forward. Amaryllis felt no control over her fumbling movements, the shuffling stumble of her boots in the snow. Somehow she made it down the stairs without falling flat on her face. 

Her knees trembled beneath her cloak. The wind had finally abated, for the time being, leaving the air feeling eerily still. Her eyes darted towards the stables. A crowd seemed to be gathered there, though, for what she didn’t know. No-one turned to look at her. No one noticed the human gripping the front of her cloak, gasping for a deeper breath that wouldn’t come. 

A man stood between the tents where the soldiers had stood, before. The sun bounced off of his shining armor, blinding her for a moment. He was a soldier, himself, though he wore a long burgundy tunic cinched at his waist. The top was lined with a fur that surrounded his throat like a lion’s mane. His hair was blonde. When he turned slightly towards her, looking off toward the stable himself with an expression of exasperation, she saw he had facial hair of the same golden hue. 

Somehow, he looked familiar. Something about him drew her closer. She needed to see.

He turned again, seeing her approach. She squinted through the sunlight, guarded her eyes with the back of a trembling hand, and felt her pulse come back at full force, thumping painfully against her sternum. His eyes were a light honeyed brown. A scar stretched from his cheek to his upper lip. It moved as he spoke. Something about it sent a jolt of electricity through her, causing her mouth to fall open in shock. She knew him. _She knew him._ But from where?

It was his voice - a gentle, husky tenor - that brought it all back.

“Excuse me,” he stepped forward as if to catch her, concern in the wrinkling of his brow. “Are you alright?”

She could see Akasha at the computer screen, gazing longingly at the face before her. The same man with his blonde hair and brown eyes, red coat, and the sigil of the templar order upon his vambraces. The man Akasha had loved, even though he wasn’t real. 

_“Andraste preserve me. I must send you to him.”_

_Cullen Stanton Rutherford, and I will be Mrs. Cullen Stanton Rutherford. Just you wait._

_A girl can dream._

The last fourteen years of her life had been spent with a fictional family in the fictional world of a _video game._

Amaryllis began to fall but he caught her with a grunt before her wobbling knees could hit the ground. His hands were strong, steady, and lifted her to her feet with ease. Real hands. Real feet. Cold winds, rough fabric against her arms where he touched her, keeping her solid. Not a video game. _Tangible._

She looked up, gasping at how close his face was to her own and he flushed, removing his hands quickly, as if she were on fire. If Amaryllis was, she wasn’t sure she would have noticed. 

His gaze held hers for a long moment, unblinking, then he scratched at the back of his neck like she had seen him do many times before. On a computer screen. She could almost hear Akasha squealing in her ear. _“He’s so hot!”_

Cullen’s voice was softer when he asked again, “Are you alright?”

She wasn’t sure how to answer. The words wouldn’t form; her tongue felt stuck to her teeth. 

His brow furrowed further. “Right, well, um—” But Cullen could go no further. He turned suddenly, with a jolt, like he’d been struck by lightning. His gaze turned to the sky above the mountains. Amaryllis felt she had no choice but to turn, too.

“Do you feel that?” He asked. His hand twitched towards the hilt of the sword at his side. She could feel the hair on the back of her neck rising. Dread bloomed then skittered down her spine, causing her to shudder.

Her tongue finally unstuck; she nodded, whispering her answer, “I do.” 

The land grew silent around them save for whistling winds, back at full force. Clouds twisted above the mountain range, swirling like the beginnings of a cyclone until there was a sudden, almighty screech. 

Amaryllis clapped her hands around her ears, wincing in pain, but she couldn’t tear her eyes from where she watched in terror as the sky burst open, tearing like flesh under a knife. Out poured an ethereal light, painting the world a sickly green, turning the air around them into static. 

The screeching stopped and the screaming began.

This time, when she fell to her knees, there was no one to catch her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget, if you want to, to go back and read the added scene in chapter 6!
> 
> As always, don't forget to leave a comment :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS TOOK SO LONG. I agonized over Solas' dialogue and rewrote it multiple times.
> 
> Just an FYI, I try to edit as I write, but this is still pretty much an unedited work. Feel free to point out anything awry. I will run it through an editor eventually. 
> 
> I'm back at work, so it's taking even longer than I thought to write. I'm going to try for every 2 weeks at most. 
> 
> Enjoy, and leave a comment if you like! Or just leave a comment because I WOULD LIKE

People ran. The Templars came back, bursting through the gates and down to the yard where Cullen stood, shell-shocked. It took one look at his men for him to move, to begin barking out orders. One hand gripped his sword, still in its scabbard. His skin was pallid. A vein twitched in his strained neck; his jaw tensed. He abandoned the woman before him. She couldn’t turn her gaze from his retreating form. His armor gleamed, reflecting the repulsive green now painting the atmosphere around them.

Amaryllis’s hands were numb, balled so tightly in the drifting snow that she had lost all feeling in them. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks, gathering along the bottom of her quivering chin. Her legs would not move from beneath her, no matter how hard she willed them to. It was all so  _ loud, _ the screaming. It was only when she felt a touch at her shoulder that she realized the most deafening cries of them all were coming from her. 

“You must go to the chantry,” spoke a thickly accented voice. The person’s hand gripped her chin and turned Amaryllis’s face towards them. She blinked her bleary eyes to see it was a woman with dark cropped hair and a thick scar upon her cheek. She recognized her, too.  _ The angry woman. _ Though she didn’t seem so angry now. Distress and concern laced her stark features. “It is not safe here. Stand and go to the chantry with the others. You will be safe there.”

Amaryllis found words then, though they were stilted and broken with the force of her sobs. “My sister,” one hand gripped the front of her cloak above her aching chest. The other took hold of the woman’s wrist, helpless. “My sister is at the temple.”

“Your sister?” She asked. “What is her name? I will search for her, do not worry.” 

Amaryllis shook her head, swallowing thickly against a rising whimper and dropped the woman’s arm from her grasp. She would not let a stranger look for Ellana, not when she was more than capable. She had promised Mihris. She had promised herself. If anyone was to keep Ellana safe, it would be her. “No. I won’t go to the chantry. I’ll go with you.”

The woman pulled her to her feet, lips set in a grim line of determination. “Can you fight? Do you have a weapon?”

“Yes,” Amaryllis used her sleeve to wipe the swiftly cooling, clinging moisture from her cheeks. “I’ve got my staff.”

The woman quickly took a step back as if in shock. “A mage. One of the rebels, then. You’re not wearing circle robes.”

Amaryllis would have sneered in another situation. As it was, she could barely hold herself back from running towards the summit before them, or stem the flow of her tears.“I’ve been to no circle.”

“An apostate,” the woman took another step back. There was running around them in all directions, templars lining up before Cullen, who had forgotten her in his rush. A woman ran past, carrying her child closely against her chest as she cried. The girl’s eyes were wide with terror. The gates of Haven began to close. “You—”

A man with a wide face seemed to appear out of thin air at the woman’s side, mouth set in a deep frown. He was short, shorter than an elf even. A dwarf. Amaryllis recognized him immediately, and his name flowed to the tip of her tongue. Akasha had adored him.  _ Varric. _

“We don’t have time for interrogation, Seeker.  _ There’s a hole in the sky. _ ”

“I’m aware of that, Varric.” The woman grimaced in his direction.

“A staff, you said?” The dwarf turned to Amaryllis, smirking slightly. She wondered how he found the will to do so when the world seemed to be falling apart around them. “You could use the extra help,” he said to the woman. She scowled.

“No, that’s—” she threw her hands up and sighed. “You are right. We must move; Divine Justinia could be in grave danger. She could be—” she pursed her lips and pinched the bridge of her nose then took a deep, steadying breath, as if fighting back an emotional response. Her brows furrowed further with anger. She took a step away, turned her head, and spoke to them over her shoulder. “Come. Cullen is gathering troops. We will make our move soon.”

Amaryllis looked to Varric and he shrugged, motioning for her to follow. She trailed after them, pushing a hand through her mussed hair where it had fallen from her braid, and took a look around the village. Time had obviously passed between the moment of the explosion, the tearing of the sky, and her own panic. There were no civilians to be seen, only a group of soldiers, another of templars, and a few frightened-looking mages. The woman walked straight towards Cullen who stood before the soldiers looking grave. He turned to meet her and they immediately began whispering, motioning frantically toward the mountain range and the gaping green hole above them. 

She watched them, anxiously, wringing her hands together until she felt her fingers might fall off, never turning her gaze from the Commander’s stern expression. The short-haired woman gestured vaguely in her direction, and Cullen glanced at her for a moment, meeting Amaryllis’s worried stare. He nodded minutely, a slight tilt of his head. She wondered how she was supposed to feel, knowing that the last fourteen years of her life had been spent in a video game that her sister had fawned over. She wondered how she was supposed to feel seeing the fictional man Akasha had claimed to be in love with standing before her.

Mostly, she felt numb. 

Another woman joined them, a redhead looking absolutely murderous, and Amaryllis finally found herself able to turn away. Varric observed her with a small smile. 

“What’s your name, kid?” He asked. 

“Amaryllis.”  _ Of clan Lavellan, _ she thought. Better to keep that to herself. She longed for the reassuring weight of her staff in her hand but she did not dare reach for it, not with the templars so close by.

“Don’t mind the Seeker. Her bark is far worse than her bite.”

“The Seeker?” She questioned, feeling unsteady in her sister’s absence, longing for her reassurance. She wished she could pull the staff from her back, knowing it would give her a bit of peace. Not so close to the templars, though. Not with the way they were glaring at the mages beside her. “Does she have a name?”

“Right. Being royalty you’d expect her to have better manners,” Varric chuckled, shaking his head. “Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast, the Right Hand of the Divine. Fiery one, isn’t she?”

“She’s the Right Hand of the Divine, yet she wasn’t at the Conclave?” 

The dwarf shrugged. “Neither was the Left Hand, Leliana, the terrifying redhead beside her. ”

_ Cassandra. Leliana. Cullen. _ Their names brought back memories of a time Amaryllis had tried for years to push past. Her heart had yet to recover from its initial shock and with each passing moment it beat harder, a bruising strike against her sternum, threatening to rip itself from her aching chest and run to the ends of Thedas. She didn’t think she had it in her to chase it if it did. 

All conversations came to a halt as Leliana stepped forward. Her expression seemed blank, under strict control, but Amaryllis could see hostility in the twitch of her brows. Leliana crossed her arms over her chest; her voice held barely restrained fire beneath it. “Prepare yourselves, for we do not know what lies ahead. If you wish to leave, do so now, before it is too late.” Her eyes moved swiftly across the crowd, taking in their terrified expressions. Not a single soul dared to move under her scrutiny. “Good. Let’s go.”

  
  
  


Ascending the mountain path felt a lot like what Amaryllis had always imagined approaching a dragon’s nest would be: terrifying. The further they climbed, the closer they came to the gaping hole in the sky, the more on edge she felt. Dread filled her every limb, fueled by the sharp, acidic scent like decay that permeated the air, growing thicker with each step she took. Amaryllis could taste the torn atmosphere on her tongue, bitter, like ash and vomit. 

It didn’t seem to bother anyone else as much as it did the mages. They grimaced and gagged, covering their noses with their sleeves, plugging their noses with shaking fingers. Amaryllis pulled a cloth from her bag and did the same.

From her right, Varric chuckled lowly. He had stayed behind the rest, eyeing the Seeker cautiously from time to time with a small frown. Amaryllis had caught Cassandra looking back a few times as if to make sure the dwarf was still there. 

“Never been to Kirkwall before, have you?” He asked. “This stench has nothing on Lowtown in the summer; don’t even get me started on Darktown. Nothing fouler than hot, rotting shit.”

“I  _ have _ been to Kirkwall,” Amaryllis’s voice sounded as pinched as her nostrils. Varric’s amused smile widened. “But I don’t recall it smelling this bad.”

“Don’t get me wrong, I love the place, even with all the murder and explosions. Wouldn’t be home without it.” He chuckled again, though with less enthusiasm, gaze fixed on a point ahead as if caught in a memory. Amaryllis glanced at him from time to time, taking in his stocky form, beardless chin, and caught herself blinking in confusion. She felt as if she had forgotten something, though she wasn’t sure what it was.

_ A beardless dwarf, _ she mused.  _ How peculiar. _ She looked again, squinting as if she were seeing him for the first time, and remembered.  _ Merrill. _ Amaryllis felt guilty for a moment. She had almost forgotten the elf’s request.

“I met someone in the city, someone you may know,” Varric lifted a brow in question. “A particularly strange, yet friendly elf and her pirate friend.” 

“Ah, Daisy,” he said with a grin. “I miss her every day. Rivaini, on the other hand…” he ran a hand down the crossbow at his side in a soothing manner. “Let’s just say Bianca still has nightmares.”

Amaryllis forgot her misery in the moment and smiled, a slight curl of lips reddened from hours of nervous biting. “Bianca? You’ve named your weapon ‘Bianca?’”

“After the badass woman who made her,” Varric defended, lifting the contraption for Amaryllis to get a better look. She hadn’t seen enough crossbows in her life to know if the dwarf’s was particularly remarkable, but his smug expression had her thinking that maybe it was. “I think it’s a fitting title.”

“I don’t know, I think if I had a crossbow I’d name it something more suitable, like ‘Killer.”

“If you knew the woman behind the weapon, you’d know that the two are one and the same.” He ran another worshipping hand down the crossbow, looking as if he were about to kiss it, then suddenly clipped it into place at his back. “Let me guess,” he began again. One leather-clad hand scratched at the chest hair spilling from his open tunic. “Daisy wants me to send more letters.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what she asked me to tell you.” Amaryllis gave up on holding the cloth to her nose, arms long grown tired from pressing it against her face, and attempted to get used to the stench surrounding them. She was sure she’d be smelling the fetor of decay on her skin for weeks. 

“I’m working on it,” he grumbled. “It’s a little hard to even attempt writing one with a fuming, murderous woman hanging over your shoulder.”

Amaryllis wasn’t sure what to say to that. She didn’t know anything about his situation and wasn’t in much of a mood to pry like she usually would. She was saved from attempting further conversation by the sound of shouting ahead - Cassandra, it seemed - and the group took off in a run around a towering wall of jagged rock. 

“Maker help us,” Amaryllis heard in-between collective gasps of shock. The running stopped, as suddenly as it had begun, just before a pulsing green cloud of terror, the same as the one in the sky above, shot lightning in all directions, piercing the ground beneath them. Where the lightning struck the snow turned black then bubbled as if boiling, causing those in range to fall flat on their backs, knocking the air from their lungs. 

In the shadow beneath the angry cloud stood a tall man in a green vest and off-white tunic that fell between lean thighs, tensed at the ready. Amaryllis watched as he threw his staff before him and braced for impact as a demon with long, claw-tipped arms swiped at his dwindling barrier. What she found herself focusing on was not the hunched over mass of gray flesh attacking him, the screech of the towering, vine-like creature to his right, nor the sizzling viridescent spark above him, but the pointed tips of his elongated ears and the gleam of his bald head in the light of the sun. 

Amaryllis recognized him immediately, though she could only remember the nickname her sister had muttered in resigned fondness.  _ Egg-headed bastard _ had been Akasha’s second favorite character. Amaryllis had never understood the appeal, until now. She had to admit that the elf was handsome in his own way: with high, angular cheekbones and full lips. The fact that the people beside her, and possibly herself, were all just coded lines in a video game was something she refused to acknowledge, for what was happening around her was  _ real. _

The tall elf noticed their approach and yelled out, “I need help!” The vine-like creature swiped at him, causing the man to break his protective stance and stumble back. Cullen, Leliana, and Cassandra, along with the rest of their group, stood frozen, seemingly unable to look away from the roiling pit in the air. Varric was the first to finally react. 

“Well,” his voice was rough. He ran a hand fondly over Bianca once more. “Let’s get to it, then. Time to show these people what you’re made of!”

He ran forward and cocked his crossbow, took a moment to aim, and shot a bolt straight into the beast’s gaunt torso. It's answering screech caused goosebumps to rise along Amaryllis’s arm, effectively breaking her of her own shock at seeing yet another reminder of her past. She didn’t like where the memories seemed to be leading her. 

A war, she knew, much larger than the current conflict between the mages and the templars. A battle that would reach the furthest ends of Thedas, unlike anything the people standing before her could ever comprehend. A need to protect burst through her, swallowing every last bit of the trepidation she had been feeling. These people had no idea what was in store for them, and though Amaryllis didn’t remember a majority of it, she knew it was now her job to save those she could.

The human mage burst through the crowd, shoving Cassandra to the side and tore her staff from her back. As she called forth her mana she could feel the throbbing of the cloud more steadily, beating in rhythm with her own racing pulse. Its’ magic crept along her skin like the many legs of a centipede. Amaryllis gritted her teeth and slammed her pole to the ground, throwing a barrier in front of their small army just in time to block an attack from a creature that had appeared from behind the rock wall. It floated in midair, shrouded in black, its skin wrinkled as if caught in a never-ending state of decomposition. When it reared its head back, Amaryllis saw its many cavernous mouths filled with serrated, razor-sharp teeth, and she screamed.

The noise finally broke Cullen of his own shock. With a roaring cry he pulled his greatsword free from its sheath and pointed it towards the sky. The crowd behind him followed suit. 

“Attack!”

Cassandra brought her shield forward and bashed it against the creature’s head, sending it flying into a mound of snow. It barely paused to right itself before it charged forward again. Culllen met its approach with a powerful swing of his sword, splitting its skull from its spine. The creature’s many mouths shrieked, disintegrating into green ash that flew right back into the rift from which it had come.

Realization came to Amaryllis then. This hole, and the one in the sky towering over them, were tears in the Veil. The creatures attacking them were spirits, demons, that knew nothing but destruction. She recalled the game, the character Akasha had played: a woman who could control the rifts and close them with the shake of a fist. Amaryllis remembered the light that poured from the woman’s palm, and she remembered her pained gasps, too. What Amaryllis couldn’t remember was if the rifts could be closed without the mark, and who could possibly have it. 

Something about the mere thought of the woman made her clench her jaw and lift her staff again, swinging it above her head in a wide arc before slamming it back down, shoving the end of the pole into the snow, calling forth Winter’s Grasp. A sheet of ice encased the vine-like creature, freezing it in place. The bald elven mage swung his staff forward and slammed it into the demon’s side. It shattered like glass dropped against stone, scattering across the ground. The pieces dissolved, same as before, and the rift seemed to reach out, absorbing its energy as if to create more of the same demons. 

It wasn’t long before the path was clear. Everyone stood panting for a moment, catching their breath, until the tear began rolling again. The viridescent cloud flashed then widened, crackling with the raw energy of the Fade. Amaryllis could feel it growing in strength, preparing to birth something far more powerful than what they had seen before. The bald elf walked closer to the breach, lifting his hand as if to touch it then abruptly pulled back with a deep frown. 

“It is only going to grow in power,” his voice was far more soothing than Amaryllis remembered. “There seems to be no way to close it. We must press on before we get caught in another wave.”

“What do you know of this, and the breach in the sky?” Leliana approached, bow returned to its place at her back. Her tone was as sharp as the dagger secretly held at her side. 

“Better question, who are you and why are you here?” Cassandra butted in, not even attempting to hide her hostility towards the stranger, holding her shield and sword before her as if to create a wall between them.

His serious expression showed no change. The elf bowed slightly towards the group and introduced himself. “I am Solas,” he said. He pressed his stave into the snow to lean against languidly. Cassandra, Leliana, and a surprisingly quiet Cullen all tensed, but the elven mage made no other move. “I am here for the same reason I imagine you are. It’s a bit hard to ignore a massive explosion and an enormous hole in the sky. How said hole came to be, however, I do not know.”

“If I may ask,” Cullen stepped forward warily. “What is a Dalish mage doing out here alone, anyway? The entirety of Thedas knew the Divine conclave was to meet today. You’ll have to understand our suspicions.”

“I am not Dalish,” his lips pressed into a thin line, expression stern. “I understand that my appearance may have led you to suspect otherwise, but it is not so. I do not associate myself with those who choose to live a lie.”

Amaryllis bit her tongue and tried not to take offense at the elf’s words. It would not do well to bring attention to herself now, not with everyone so on edge. 

Cullen and Cassandra exchanged a look of doubt while Leliana took hold of the conversation once more. “You didn’t answer the question,” Her hand still gripped the dagger tightly to her left side, hidden against her chainmail robe. “Exactly how is it that you have come to be here, right at this very moment?”

He turned to meet her guarded expression and finally seemed to drop his own. “Yes, I apologize, I realize how this must seem.” He stood straight and pulled his staff from the ground to fasten it at his back, lifting his hands before him in a placating gesture. “I was asleep when it happened, walking in the Fade, reliving memories of the area. There was a battle with a dragon here, not so long ago.” 

Leliana moved then, shoulders squaring as she straightened. “You’re a dreamer?” She asked. 

“Tread carefully, Leliana,” Cassandra said. “He is an apostate.” 

“I prefer the term ‘hedge mage,’” Solas replied, smiling wryly. “But yes, I walk the Fade to learn the history of the areas I visit. I did not know of this conclave, and if I had, I would not have come here at this time; it was a mere coincidence that I was.”

“And what did you see?” The redhead pressed on. Cassandra and Cullen shifted uncomfortably beside her. “When the explosion occurred, what did you see?”

He did not hesitate to answer. “Small tears occur naturally when magic weakens the Veil or when spirits cluster at an area that has seen many deaths, allowing spirits to enter the world physically. It is not entirely uncommon to see these openings.” Solas turned his head up towards the sky; its light cast ethereal green shadows across his pallid cheeks. “But I have never seen anything like this. There was no breach, here, before. The spirits had been calm. Suddenly, the Fade twisted like a hand gathering fabric, and then the hand pulled. The Veil ripped, and the spirits were no longer  _ spirits. _ They were pulled through forcibly, and because of it, changed.”

“So this  _ thing, _ ” it was Cullen who spoke then, his expression one of barely concealed terror. He pointed with a shaking finger towards the tear. “Is an open doorway into the Fade?”

“I’m unsure of the exact details on our side, but essentially, yes.”

“How?” Cassandra asked, lowering her sword and shield as Leliana slid her blade back into its sheath. “How could this have happened?”

“I do not know,” Solas said. He looked to the three leaders with determination. “But I intend to find out.” 

“As do I.” Leliana stepped forward, closer to the smaller rift that was still boiling as if preparing to split wider at any moment. It flashed, as if sensing her approach, shooting a bolt of viridescent lightning at the snow a foot in front of her, turning it black. “Let’s go.” She looked towards the elf. “You are welcome to join us, Solas. We could use your expertise.”

He agreed with a nod, expression turned stone-like once more. Leliana took to the front and pressed on, Cassandra and Cullen close at her side. The rest of the group followed quietly after. 

For a moment Amaryllis stood, watching their ascension, caught in what memories she had of the explosion, which was none. Her brow furrowed in frustration.  _ I watched Akasha play for hours on end. There has to be something, _ she thought. _ There must be. _

A tap at her arm disrupted her brooding. Amaryllis was surprised to see Varric beside her, a complete stranger he had only met just a few hours before, looking as concerned at her lack of movement as he did. 

“You ready, or did you want to stay behind and have a heart-to-heart with a Wraith?” He asked, quirking a brow in amusement. 

Any other time, she would have laughed. As it was, she could barely muster even the briefest of smiles, so she didn’t. With a nod, Amaryllis took a step, then another, and found herself falling into place at the back of the group as they climbed their way to the Temple.

It was hours later, as the sky would have normally darkened, when they found it. Or rather, what was left of it.

Where the Temple of Andraste had once stood — intricately built into the mountain’s caverns, its main sanctuary atop a towering hill of stone — was a crater surrounded by colossal, jagged rocks resembling broken glass under the wrath of an angry fist. Corpses burnt beyond recognition lined what was left of its halls, mouths open and teeth bared in pure agony. Its crumbling walls singed black save for the stark clean outlines of their bodies. 

In the middle, floating above the charred ground, stood another rift. Tendrils of green light swirled up towards the sky as if connected to the larger breach looming above them. The whooshing of the rift was the only sound to be heard, until Leliana stumbled forward. 

“Justinia,” her voice was but a whisper of what it had once been. “It cannot be.”

Cassandra fell to her knees. Her shield clattered against the back of her armored legs. “No.  _ No. _ ”

Cullen lifted a shaking fist to his scarred mouth, pressing it against himself. He squeezed his eyes shut as if willing away the image of the departed. His lips moved with a murmured prayer that could not be heard over the weeping of those around them.

Even Varric trembled where he stood, eyes wide in shock as he took in the destruction before him. “Well,” his voice wavered, cracking on the last word he spoke. “ _ Shit. _ ”

The ground fell out from beneath her. Amaryllis’s hands scrambled for purchase against the soiled ground as she cast her pouring eyes towards the stained sky, illuminated by sickly green light. Her lips quivered. Her tongue tasted of the salt of her cascading tears. Her throat ached, ripping under the force of her screams. 

“Ellana,” she cried. “Please, no,  _ Ellana! _ ” Amaryllis’s arms came to wrap around her torso tightly, gathering the fabric of her robes into her painful grip, pulling as if she could somehow hold her shattered heart together inside her frozen chest. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This short-ass chapter comes after a surprisingly long break. Sorry, not sorry, I was suffering from trying to find the words for a while and then I got a Switch and Animal Crossing ;-;
> 
> I truly hope you enjoy this!
> 
> Also, just a lil comment, but my plan as of now is to get all of this out and then do a major edit after it's all finished, then repost the chapters. Sorry if that's a bit annoying, but hopefully you'll have enjoyed the story enough to read it one more time... that'll be quite a while from now, though lol

Echoing screams filled the hollow basin: shrill sounds of grief and terror. Amaryllis felt each of them like a dagger to the chest, a swift yet agonizing tearing of flesh that felt like nothing compared to the emptiness beneath her ribs. Her hands became claws, digging into the skin of her ears, trying to block out the sounds of their misery. Her tears continued to flow unbidden down her pale cheeks. She closed her eyes tightly and willed away the image of the sky, the ruined temple, and the massacre before her.

“We should begin searching for survivors,” Cassandra suggested, tipping forward as she struggled to her feet, steadying herself with a gloved hand at her knee. Tear tracks marked her dirt-stained cheeks but she was no longer crying. “Divine Justinia may yet be found.”

Leliana turned to her with an expression devoid of emotion, her own cheeks surprisingly dry. “She is gone, Cassandra, as are the others. There are no survivors.” With a wide sweep of her arm, she gestured toward the destruction around them. “No one could have survived a blast such as this.”

“I have hope yet, Leliana.” The two women exchanged looks, staring into each other's eyes for a moment until the redhead’s expression softened minutely. She nodded. Cassandra moved away, towards the silent crowd, and began giving orders. Leliana looked up at the roiling rift, took a deep breath, and did the same.

Yet Amaryllis stayed, on her knees upon the ground, gripping herself tightly as if to hold together the shattered pieces of a broken vase. It was the only thing keeping her from falling completely: the only thing holding her together, now.

_ Gone, _ she thought, clutching her dirtied robes tightly until her knuckles turned white, _ everyone is gone. Mom. Dad. Akasha. Mihris. Ellana. When will it be my turn? Why am I the one left to suffer on my own? _

It wasn’t a hand to her shoulder that brought Amaryllis out of her misery this time, but a familiar, husky voice to her right. 

“You heard the Seeker, kid. Let’s look for survivors,” Varric said, then cleared his throat. Amaryllis looked up at him without bothering to wipe her sullied cheeks, surprised at the difference the angle made. He was so much more real than she had ever imagined him. Just another reminder that everything was  _ real. _ “Don’t waste time sitting on your ass grieving for someone you don’t even know is gone. Come on.”

Varric took hold of her hand and pulled her to her feet. When she stumbled into his side, he caught her with a gentle arm around her waist. Amaryllis was surprised to note how strong he truly was.

The rest of their party was dispersed throughout the ruined temple, sifting through the ruins for any sign of even just a single survivor. No one spoke. Not much could be heard but the whirring of the rift above and the scuffling of their shared footsteps as they stepped around the inner layer of jagged stone, standing taller than the rift itself, pointed at the ends like daggers. The air tasted of charcoal and sulfur, the malodor of burnt skin and hair. Amaryllis’s mouth filled with the metallic tang of vomit. She gritted her teeth against the urge to heave and allowed Varric to lead her forward, trying not to stumble over loose rocks from collapsed walls as she scrubbed the tears from her face. 

“Good,” Varric murmured, finally letting go of her hand with a gentle pat of reassurance as he stepped off to the left to search through the rubble. “Can’t look properly if you can’t see.” 

But Amaryllis found that she didn’t want to see. All that laid before them was death and destruction, causing grief beyond imagination to fill her emptied chest. She wasn’t sure if she had tears left to cry for all the mangled corpses, so burnt their melted flesh stuck to the ground beneath them, far past unrecognizable. How would they be put to rest if they couldn’t be identified? 

Out of the corner of her eye, Amaryllis caught sight of a familiar fabric, stirred by the wind. It startled her, breaking Amaryllis of her dark thoughts and she turned on one foot to face it. The thinnest thread of hope appeared in her chest. She gasped, her lungs filling quickly with cold air. She felt as if she stood on the edge of a precipice, in that strange floating moment before falling.

Her heart pounded fiercely. When her bleary eyes finally settled upon the figure a few feet to her right, her body swiftly turned cold, frozen to the core, filled with absolute dread. The thread snapped under the weight of it. The damage was irreparable. 

Tattered and blackened blue robes hung from yet another corpse. This one, though, was different from the others. Its body was shorter, petite, too small to be human. Elven.  _ Ellana. _

_ She wasn’t the only one wearing these robes, _ Amaryllis attempted to calm herself, to stop the intense trembling of her chin.  _ She couldn’t have been the only elf. There had to have been others. _

She knew. Deep down inside, she knew. Hot tears spilled down Amaryllis’s cheeks, unbidden, once more.  _ I couldn’t see her face, one last time. I couldn’t hold her.  _ Amaryllis pressed closer, taking hold of a piece of the billowing robe. Soot coated her hands, darkening her fingertips. From up close she could smell cooked meat, but this time the smell did not make her gag.  _ This is my sister. Ma asa’ma’lin. Lethal’lan.  _ Sorrow filled her until it overflowed through her tears. 

“How could you leave me behind?” she murmured through quivering lips coated with the salt of her tears. Amaryllis gripped the robe harder. The ruined fabric tore further and her fingernails met the soft, icy skin of her palms, digging in deeply as if to draw blood. She wondered how hard she would have to press to feel something other than hollow.  _ “Ma asa’ma’lin, ir abelas. _ It should have been me. _ ”  _ She lifted a hand to Ellana’s disfigured face as if to run it over her cheek, but couldn’t bring herself to touch her sister’s ruined skin. Ellana’s charred lips were pulled past her teeth in an eternal scream. Her eyes had melted from sockets left emptied and black. 

To Amaryllis’s horror, nausea swirled in her stomach, filling her mouth with bitter saliva. She heaved once and slapped a hand over her mouth, hoping to keep it from spilling out. Muffled sobs broke through her clenched, shaking fingers. Each breath she took seemed an impossible task. She tore at the front of her robe, pulling it tightly in her fist until a terrible stretching could be heard. Even then she could not stop, gasping for air through her tears, gagging with every inhale that brought the stench of fire and death.

The familiar crunch of feet over stone and a muted, husky gasp sounded to her left, signaling Varric’s approach. Amaryllis squeezed her eyes shut, wishing away the image of the corpse but it stayed, an indelible mark etched upon her eyelids, not unlike the scar on her neck or the tattooed underside of her arm. The pain would fade with time, but it would never truly go away. Not as long as she was alive.

“Hey,” Varric said, softly. She hoped he wouldn’t touch her. She couldn’t bear it. “Let’s get away from here. We’ve got to keep looking.”

Amaryllis shook her head. She couldn’t find the words to speak, couldn’t allow herself to admit that she had already found who she’d been looking for. Varric understood anyway.

“How do you know that it’s her?” He argued. “No offense, kid, but they all look the same. Come on. We’ve barely looked. There’s still hope yet.” His gloved hands brushed her elbow and she did open her eyes then, turning wildly on her heel to face him. Anger quickly rushed to her face, turning her cheeks crimson. She could feel the snot flowing from her nose but she did not brush it away. Amaryllis stepped closer until she towered over him, fuming, but he did not move, nor did he look scared. No, his expression was one she recognized. Empathy.

“It’s her,” she spat angrily. Yet still, he did not flinch, not even when her tears fell, splashing upon the collar of his coat. “I know it’s her, her cloak was blue. She—” Amaryllis swallowed past the lump in her throat, past what she couldn’t bring herself to say. He wouldn’t understand. “It’s her.”

“She couldn’t have been the only one wearing that color, kid, I was there too. I saw the crowd.” He shrugged and stuck a hand into his pocket, digging around for a moment until he seemed to find what he was looking for: a handkerchief, sky blue, embroidered in mismatched flowers. “I’ll let you borrow this just once. Wouldn’t wanna lose it and have to deal with Daisy’s sad puppy eyes.” She didn’t reach to take it so he took her hand and placed it in her palm, pressing against her fingers until they curled into the cloth. It was soft and well-worn. “How do you know it’s her?”

“I—” Amaryllis pressed her lips together and brought the handkerchief to her damp cheeks, using it to catch her tears as they fell, then roughly rubbed at her nose until she felt clean enough.  _ He’s right, _ she thought.  _ How do I know? She couldn’t have been the only elf, and she definitely wasn’t the only one wearing blue. _ Her eyes widened in realization. “Tattoo.”

“Tattoo?” he asked, sounding a bit surprised. 

She did not bother to answer. The vallaslin upon Ellana’s face would have been too light a color to see now, but their tattoos had been black, thick-lines that would have stayed. Amaryllis took a deep breath and turned back to face the corpse, choosing to focus on the gruesome task at hand rather than remind herself of its harrowing expression. Her right hand gripped the ruined robe once more, fingers shaking with anxiety. This was it. One pull to expose the corpse’s underarm, and she’d know. 

She pinched the fabric between white-tipped fingers, clenched until her knuckles turned white with the pressure, and pulled.

From behind Varric’s boots could be heard scraping against the ground, stumbling as if startled into movement, and he began to yell “What the fu—”

A force so great sent the two of them flying into the wall behind them, too sudden to brace for impact. Amaryllis hit the stone with a crack and a gasp; the air had been knocked from her lungs and left her struggling to breathe. Vision turned green then white, she laid in a crumpled heap upon the ground until the ringing in her ears began to dissipate, and she found that she could finally breathe again. 

She sat up, clutching her side in pain at the movement, eyes darting straight to the rift. It shifted quickly, wisps of green struck the air like a whip and bubbled as if boiling, around a black, oozing hole that seemed to have opened in the middle, widening with each passing second. Her heart thudded in her ears, drowning out surprised shouts coming from all around the ruined temple’s basin. In an instant it flashed again, causing Amaryllis to squeeze her eyes shut at the intensity, but she had seen it: an outstretched hand, fingers curled into claws, scrambling for purchase through the air. 

_ Could it be? _

Another flash and this time it was two hands, brown hair, slim shoulders, and a body dressed in blue that floated through the air for a moment, then  _ fell.  _ Amaryllis clambered to her feet unsteadily, hissing through gritted teeth at the protesting tightness in her chest. Her lungs protested her sudden ascent. She could not be there to catch the figure in time before it hit the ground with a heavy crack. Amaryllis forgot the dwarf at her side, and ran.

By the time she reached the body a small crowd had already formed, circling around it as if too terrified to look: too terrified to touch. Amaryllis shoved her way through, ignoring the protests of the people, and dropped to her knees beside it with a thud that sent shockwaves of pain up her trembling thighs. Without a second thought, she reached down and attempted to pull the cloak from where it was tangled around the person’s neck, to no avail. It was torn all along the arms with the worst of the damage along the left, where a majority of the limb was bare, subjected to the icy mountain air. 

Amaryllis’s pulse quickened, her vision swirled, but she found she couldn’t look away from the torn fabric where the pointed tip of a black tattoo peeked out. She thrust her fingers through the hole and yanked, exposing the rest of the underarm and the tattoo of a black feather with a long, hollow shaft, identical to her own. 

All commotion around her faded until she could hear nothing but a high-pitched ringing, not unlike the screech of a flatline. Amaryllis took hold of the person’s arms, pulled them to the side, untangled the cloak from around their neck, and without pause, ripped the hood back. 

“Oh,” a sigh of relief and utter joy. Hours spent panicking, filled with dread and sorrow at the loss of her sister had all been for naught, and she had never been happier for it. “Ellana,” she whispered, lifting her sister’s limp form towards her. Fingers that no longer shook searched for a heartbeat at Ellana’s neck. Her eyes were closed, lips tinged blue from the cold, but when Amaryllis finally found her sister’s pulse she grinned, elated by the strength of its every beat. 

Voices spoke words she did not understand until hands reached out as if to stop her. She slapped them away without a second thought, pulling Ellana closer, pressing her sister’s face into her collarbone as if to hide her from the world, like a dragon protecting its eggs, and glared at those who dared to approach.

Solas was the first to do so. He kneeled before her, eyes locked with Amaryllis’s own and spoke, softly, as if it were a secret he wished only to share with her. “I understand you may be feeling protective at the moment, and rightfully so, but it would be wise to allow me to check for injuries.” He pressed on without letting her speak, even as she opened her mouth to protest. “This woman not only entered the Fade in the flesh, but somehow survived long enough to exit it through a portal we have yet to understand. I know a thing or two of the Fade. Please, let me take a look.”

“No,” Amaryllis didn’t allow herself to think it through before denying him. Instinct had her clutching Ellana closer, staring Solas down in an attempt to protect the person she held most dear. “No, I can take care of her on my own.”

“I am a healer,” he countered, twining his fingers together as he leaned his elbow upon his knee. He did not move closer, and for that, she was grateful, though the longer she held his gaze, the more she began to see that something about him wasn’t quite right. She hadn’t the faintest idea why. “You need not worry about my abilities; I have had many years of practice.”

_“Eol ar’ema tas,”_ she spoke clearly, narrowing her eyes as she clutched Ellana ever closer. Solas seemed surprised to hear her speak Elvhen, if the quick tilt of his brow and slight widening of his eyes was anything to go by. Amaryllis pushed on, _“She’s my sister. I’ll heal her.”_

_ “With what mana?” _ He asked, leaning closer to speak in a hushed whisper. Amaryllis saw, from the corner of her eye, a circle of people drawing closer around them. Cassandra stood at the forefront, armored arms somehow crossed over her chest plate, eyebrows etched permanently into an angry wrinkle upon her forehead. Leliana, Cullen, and Varric made up the rest of the group.  _ “It is obvious you do not have the strength,”  _ Solas spoke with a confidence, a smugness, that had Amaryllis’s lips pulling back into a sneer and her cheeks flushing with anger.  _ “If you did, you would have healed her by now, and we would not be having this conversation.” _

Pride and an overly protective nature kept Amaryllis from giving in without furthering the argument.  _ He’s right though, _ she thought,  _ that damn, egg-headed bastard.  _ Still, she fought, her anger causing her to revert back to common. “I will take care of her. She is  _ my _ sister.”

Instead of rolling his eyes like she had expected him to, Solas pressed in closer, until his thighs touched hers. She could feel his hot breath upon her chin.  _ “She is not your sister, and you are not Dalish, no matter the clothes you wear. You would do well to realize that.” _

Her mouth fell open in shock at the gall of his words, but before she could answer, Varric hurried close, his hands lifted in a placating manner. “I hate to put an end to such a riveting conversation, but some of us are feeling a bit antsy and would like some answers,” he jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the others. “Also, don’t know if you’ve noticed, kid, but you’re looking mighty suspicious.”

_ Suspicious? _ Frowning, Amaryllis thought for a moment. The weight of her sister in her arms seemed to be bringing her back to a reality she wasn’t entirely sure she was ready to face.  _ Fenedhis, he’s right. _

She looked towards the group once more, at Leliana and Cassandra, both looking as if they might burst through their skin at any moment, and felt herself begin to deflate.  _ Let go of your pride.  _ Her shoulders fell back, releasing a tension she hadn’t realized she had been holding. She loosened her grip on Ellana, rolled her gently away from her chest, and sighed, feeling her weariness begin to set in.

“Alright,” Amaryllis mumbled, pulling on hand out from below Ellana to push her sister’s hair back from her pale face. She still looked to be sleeping, but her lips were no longer as blue, and there seemed to be a pink flush to her cheeks that hadn’t been there before. The ice that had once filled Amaryllis’s chest cracked; her heart began to beat again. She met Solas’s gaze and said, not without effort, “You’re right. I do not have the strength to help her now, so please—”

Jostled from their position against Ellana’s chest, her arms fell to her sides, fingers uncurling from her palms, revealing a sudden, inexplicably bright beam of green-tinted light. It blinded them for a moment, sent everyone else stumbling back but had Amaryllis tightening her hold once more. 

Ellana screamed. Amaryllis could feel Ellana’s body tensing against her, could feel Ellana’s heels digging into the meat of her thighs. A sudden screech sounded from above as the rift seemed to react to the light emanating from Ellana’s shaking hand. Wisps of green flowed from her palm where the skin had peeled back from a crack in her flesh, not unlike the dried soil of a barren riverbed.

Amaryllis remembered suddenly, with astonishing clarity, the woman with the mark, dashing up the mountain path, taking out demons one by one until she reached the tear in the atmosphere, and opened her left hand towards the sky, pouring viridescent light into the rift until it exploded, closing in on itself. She choked on a sudden intake of icy air. 

“Well,” Varric broke the silence, sounding surprisingly out of character. His voice shook. “Shit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eol ar’ema tas - I also have the skill (basically)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha heyyyy I still exist. This is still a thing, I swear! Going back to work and getting caught up in a lot of stuff has led me to kind of lose some of my motivation, but I'm still chugging along, albeit slowly.
> 
> I know this is a short chapter - shorter than the rest. I wanted to get something out to you guys sooner rather than later, and I felt this was a decent place to let off, though I'm sure it also feels like more could have been added lol I thought maybe, also, that posting this section and allowing myself to move on to the next would give me back some creative juices so I didn't feel as stuck on one section as I did. 
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy! Hopefully the next update won't come 2 months from now LOL

_ Stinging sunlight streamed in through the living room windows, shining upon the coffee table Amaryllis and her dad were currently using as a foot rest, warming Amaryllis’s frosty toes where they wiggled inside her thick, fuzzy socks. She pressed herself closer into her dad’s side, curling herself inward until her little head rested against his chest. He wrapped a strong arm around her little shoulders, rubbing his hand against her upper arm as if to warm her further.  _

_ His heart thumped against her cheek. Amaryllis smiled and turned her gaze back to the TV, where Sokka got stuck in a hole in the ground, Aang and Katara went off into a cave, and Toph became best friends with a giant mole-thing.  _

_ If she were to be honest, she wasn’t paying super-close attention. The rising and falling of her dad’s chest, the steady beat of his heart in sync with her own, and the heat of the sun upon her previously-chilled skin had Amaryllis struggling to keep her eyes open. Her dad chuckled at a particular line, jostling her into something that almost resembled awareness. She woke fully when Akasha came skipping down the stairs and into the kitchen, singing to herself none too quietly.  _

_ Amaryllis sat up and rubbed at her eyes, fighting a yawn and ignoring her dad’s grunt of discomfort while her pointed elbow dug into his stomach. Akasha came back through a millisecond later, stomping across the floor in her new sneakers only to stop with a flourish beside their far-too-comfortable sofa. She threw her hair back behind her. Amaryllis tried not to snort, while her dad reached for the remote and pressed pause. The picture froze on Sokka’s struggle to free himself. _

_ “Where’re you going, sweetpea?” Her dad asked, sitting up straighter to give his oldest daughter his full attention.  _

_ Akasha smiled widely. “McKayla called earlier and asked if we could go to the mall. Mom said she’d drop me off.” She shuffled her feet, running the tip of her sneaker across the carpet. She was obviously nervous, though her previous actions said otherwise. Amaryllis wondered if it was because of how much _ pink _ she was wearing, which, honestly, was far too much. Before this, Amaryllis hadn’t been aware that this much pink even existed. Akasha looked ridiculous.  _

_ “You’re wearing that?” Amaryllis asked through a giggle, shifting to bring her legs up beneath her. Her dad said nothing, but the heavy hand he set on her shoulder spoke volumes. Amaryllis went silent and clamped her lips shut to keep herself from going any further.  _

_ Akasha’s nose wrinkled, her top lip pulling back in a sneer, but her anger quickly turned to worry that etched lines into her forehead. “Why, you don’t like it? I thought it looked good. The shirt matches my pants. Even my socks match.” Amaryllis’s eyes darted to where Akasha had pulled up her pant leg to reveal her socks, which really did match. Akasha’s face seemed to be darkening to the same shade as well. _

_ Before Amaryllis had a moment to truly feel sorry, her dad sat up further and spoke “I love it, Akasha. I think you look beautiful,” his lips twisted into an amused grin, one so familiar to Amaryllis that she hardly had time to roll her eyes or cringe before he finished. “I might have to steal those pants from you when you’re not looking, though. Pink is  _ so _ my color.” _

_ “Ew!” Akasha exclaimed, sticking her tongue out at her dad, though her expression was far less troubled now. She laughed once and took a step back as if she were about to escape. “Don’t you dare, dad, your big butt will stretch them out.” _

_ “Oh for sure, this big butt would look so good in pink. All the guys would be jealous of me,” he said, tone serious though his smile said otherwise. “Besides, I’m the one who picked them out and bought them for you with my own money. I’m pretty sure that makes them half mine, too. You’ve got to learn to share, pumpkin.” _

_ “You did not pick them out and you know it,” Akasha snorted. “You don’t have half the fashion sense mom has.” _

_ “Okay, you’re right, maybe I didn’t pick them out but I sure as hell bought them with my own money! Cough ‘em up, Kash.” _

_ Akasha shook her head. Her mouth had curled into an open grin at that point, beaming brightly enough to match her dad’s. Amaryllis watched on in confusion. _

_ “Does it really look good, Dad?” Akasha asked once more, pulling gently at the hem of her shirt. “I was worried it might be a bit too much, but it looks good to me. I might be a little biased.” _

_ “It really does, Akasha. You look wonderful.” _

_ “Thanks,” she said, though her reply was cut short by their mom cutting through the hallway, motioning to Akasha with a flick of her wrist and a jingle of her car keys. _

_ “Come on, pretty lady, don’t want McKayla and her mom to be stuck waiting, do you?” _

_ “Her mom is coming?” Akasha huffed. “I thought you guys were just going to drop us off!” _

_ “Yeah, we are, and then Laurie and I are going to get some coffee and gossip about adult stuff like bills and the current price of gas and Angelina Jolie’s love life,” her mom grabbed her winter coat off the coat hanger beside the front door and shoved an arm through with ease, blowing a kiss across the room to Amaryllis and her dad. He blew a kiss back, yelled out a quick “have fun!” and the door soon slammed shut behind them.  _

_ Amaryllis didn’t hesitate to speak, throwing herself against her dad’s arm as he reached for the remote once more. He pulled her foot out from beneath her and tickled it until she gasped for air, then successfully grabbed the remote and pressed play. Amaryllis attempted to catch her breath, dug her foot between her dad’s leg and the couch cushion, and asked, “Why did you lie to her, dad? Her outfit was gross.” _

_ “Hey,” his tone dripped with disapproval though his expression seemed amused. He pressed pause again, this time capturing Sokka in an even more uncomfortable position: lips twisted into a deep frown as Foo Foo Cuddlypoops nudged an apple towards him. “That’s not very nice. Let’s not talk that way.” _

_ “But it was,” Amaryllis argued. There was no way her dad didn’t know that; anyone with eyes would have noticed. “It was ugly and you lied to her.” _

_ “Just because it wasn’t something I would wear didn’t make it ugly,” he said. “Your sister obviously liked it. If you were wearing your favorite clothes and I said that to you, how would you feel?” _

_ Amaryllis’ brows drew together in thought. Eventually she sighed and said, “I wouldn’t feel good at all.” _

_ “And I would never say something purposefully to make you feel that way, and neither would you say something like that to make your sister unhappy, right?” Amaryllis nodded in agreement, feeling as if her heart had fallen into her stomach. Her chest ached in a way she didn’t quite understand, and quickly her eyes filled with tears. Guilt. A strong arm curled its way around her shoulders, pulling her closer until she could once again rest her head upon her dad’s chest. He pressed a gentle kiss to her hair. “Sometimes it’s better to keep certain things to yourself in order to protect the people you love. I want Akasha to always be happy, and if wearing whatever she likes makes her happy, then who am I to tell her otherwise?” _

_ Though the guilt had set in, pride spread throughout her chest like the petals of a Morning Glory opening beneath bright rays of sun. She closed her eyes to savor the warmth inside and heard the babble of water upon smooth rock, felt it cool the heat between her toes, running softly, soothing against her calves. The heat of the body beneath hers was somehow comfortable though the air surrounding them was stiflingly humid.  _

_ Amaryllis lifted her head from her father’s shoulder and saw that it was Mihris.  _

_ “Didn’t mean to wake you, da’len,” he said. His smile softened the lines of his face, the slight wrinkles upon his forehead, the things that had formed from his anger. Now they were but scars of what once was. Now they represented someone she could call home. “But the fish will not wait for us.” _

_ “And neither will I,” Ellana called out from where she stood inside their trap in the water, attempting to catch a fish with her bare hands. It slid from between her slick fingers to slap back into the river. Laughter bubbled up from inside, a sweet melody she felt she hadn’t heard in more than a lifetime. Mihris’ body shook from beneath hers. “Babae, help me! I’m hungry!” _

_ A hand patted her shoulder then gently moved her to the side. Mihris stood and entered the water, bursting into laughter when his daughter failed to catch the fish once more. Warmth stayed nestled against her beating heart though an empty sorrow flashed in the recesses of her mind, her subconscious beginning to pull her away from what she once had.  _ _   
_ _   
_ If only I still had you, _ she thought, rushing to take in the sight of Mihris and Ellana together as the edges of her vision began to fray, curling in on itself until it all faded to black.  _ I miss you, more than life itself. I miss you.

  
  
  
  


Amaryllis came into awareness slowly.    
  
Each twitch of her fingers, her arms, her legs, only reminded her of the exhaustion that had overtaken her after descending the mountain. Each muscle in her worn body ached, and each attempt at opening her eyes felt like swimming in a pool of molasses. She wasn’t sure she would ever wake.

That is, until she heard a sound to her left, something between a sigh and a pained groan, something so familiar that Amaryllis no longer found herself struggling to wake but scrambling to sit up, hands sliding across the thin cot she laid open and onto the stone floor beside it. She hit the ground with a thud; the feeling of her nails scraping against rock, collecting dirt beneath them, caused her to shudder into true awareness. She blinked her heavy-lids open and somehow found herself able to push through the fatigue that weighed upon her like wet cement.   
  
The first thing she noticed was how dimly-lit the room was. A few braziers sat outside the cell door — the only source of light she could see from behind the metal bars of her prison. The second was that she was not alone, for Ellana laid, unmoving, upon her own cot. If it were not for the quick rise and fall of her chest beneath a mound of rough blankets, and another groan that passed through her lips — tightly-pressed, thin, and pale — Amaryllis would have thought her sister was dead. 

She crossed the short space between them on her hands and knees, throwing her trembling hands forward to grip her sister’s. Ellana’s fingers were colder than ice. When Amaryllis pulled Ellana’s left hand closer towards her she saw it again: a flash of sickly green light streaming from a tear in her sister’s palm. She gasped and pulled Ellana’s hand further open, unable to turn her gaze from the mark as it began to spread, pulsing, spewing sparks like lightning into the air as the skin of her palm ripped. Blood spilled across her skin and down Amaryllis’ fingers.    
  
Ellana began to cry though her eyes had yet to open. Amaryllis dropped her sister's hand at the sight of her tears, shocked once more into moving. Ellana’s blood felt warm against her chilled skin. 

“Shhh, Ellana,” she murmured, chin quivering as she fought back a sudden wave of her own tears. “You’re safe. I’m here,” she said, using the edge of her ruined robe to wipe away the salt from her sister’s face before it wet the hair at her temples. Ellana continued to cry, her forehead wrinkled in pain. She seemed not to have registered Amaryllis’ touch, nor the sound of her voice. Amaryllis’ chest tightened. “Ellana?”

The sudden clap of boots against stone, somewhere outside their cell, made her turn away. She pressed forward as if on instinct, covering Ellana’s shaking body with her own. The footsteps approached the iron bars of their cage, coming to stop at the doorway with an audible snap and the clinking of armor.    
  
“You’re awake,” a rough, exhausted voice spoke. Amaryllis turned her head to the side to glare with bloodshot eyes and was not surprised to see it was Cassandra. The Seeker’s cheeks sunk in further as her pallid lips pressed together into a thin line. She looked as though she hadn’t slept, eaten, or seen the light of day in weeks. Amaryllis wagered she looked much the same. “Good.”

_ Is it, really? _ She wanted to ask. Instead she looked away, turned her gaze to the rise and fall of her sister’s chest, and said nothing. A butterfly seemed to be hatching within her stomach, making its way up her throat, fighting against the seam of her tightly closed lips. Cold, nervous sweat began to prick at her palms, slicking her upper lip. Her chin quivered.

“Solas will be looking after her until she wakes and proves well enough for questioning,” Cassandra continued. Her voice echoed throughout the dungeon’s vast halls. Amaryllis’s ears began to ring. Further, hurried footsteps could be heard from the same direction Cassandra had come, and Amaryllis began to shiver, though from the cold stone beneath her or from fear, she didn’t know. “You, on the other hand, will be coming with me.”

Amaryllis quickly turned on her knees to face Cassandra, whipping her head so fast she began to see stars. Her dry lips cracked, tongue like cotton against the roof of her mouth. It clicked audibly in her throat as she croaked out a reply. 

“No,” her answer came out softer than intended. She sucked in a breath to try again, running the tip of her tongue across her stinging lips. “I can’t. Ask anything you like, but I must stay here.”

Cassandra crossed her arms. Her eyebrows pulled together as she scowled. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re currently locked in a cell and in absolutely no position to argue.”

“Please,” Amaryllis had no qualms about begging when it came to her sister, so she did, thankful for the hoarseness of her voice, for the way it caused Cassandra to flinch and turn her head to the side. She pressed again, hopeful that the Seeker’s resolve could be broken.  _ “Please.” _   


But Cassandra did not give in. Instead, she turned her back to Amaryllis and took a deep breath, lifting her shoulders higher as if bracing for impact. She motioned with one hand towards the left side of the dark hallway and two soldiers came forward. One pressed a key into the lock and twisted it to the side, the other shifting his stance to prepare for the opening of the cell door.    


“No,” Amaryllis tried to yell, coughing at the sudden tightness in her throat, turning to face them. Though her stomach burned from hunger, and her legs shook beneath her, threatening to spill her upon the floor, she reached for the tiniest sliver of mana she could find, bringing her hands out before her to do something,  _ anything.  _ “No, please! Stop,  _ please! Don’t touch me!” _   
  
She should have expected the purge yet it somehow took her by surprise, sending Amaryllis to her knees. She barely registered the horrifying cracking noise her bones made as they met stone, too focused on the breath leaving her lungs and her vision, which had turned a blinding white. A great rumbling came from her chest, as if her stomach were attempting to vacate her body. 

A sudden wetness touched her cheeks. She could hear her fathers laughing again, could feel the shaking of their bodies beneath hers and the heat of the sun upon her cheeks though her fingers grasped nothing but air—air that her lungs had yet to find.

She drifted. She drifted, reminded of the trip to Jader, of the rolling in her stomach and the rolling of the waves against the stern of Isabella’s ship and the rolling of Ellana’s head against her shoulder as she slept while Amaryllis sat awake, staring at a stain on their cabin’s ceiling, clutching her sister’s hand in hers as if to remind herself that the nightmare could only last so long. It would be over, eventually. 

Eventually.

The first thing to come rushing back to her was the pain in her knees where they were pressed into the ground. The second was a heaviness in her arms, a straining of her shoulders and a pulling against her wrists. The third was the fast flutter of her heart and the sharp cut of cold air in her abused lungs. 

The last was her vision. Her eyelashes brushed against her damp skin until she remembered how to separate her lids, blinking harshly against the first vestiges of firelight. Her head rolled to one side, then the other, and she stared up at the domed ceiling, forgetting how thoughts formed until the stabbing pain in her knees caused her to finally look down. 

Her wrists were encased in metal, bound in chains to the floor before her. A quick, gentle tug showed just how strong they were. 

A noise, the clearing of a throat, caused Amaryllis to jump and tense her shoulders. Her eyes darted to the corner of the room where someone sat, their face obscured by shadows. 

The nightmare would be over eventually. She was sure of it.


	15. Chapter 15.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all! Sorry it's been... quite a while. Definitely wasn't my intention to keep you waiting for so long. This chapter also isn't finished, so I'll just be posting it in two parts... another thing to apologize for. I had written the first bit a while back, right after posting the last update, but then had to take a break for about... a month and a half because, well,  
> I'm 9 weeks pregnant. lol and for a while I was dizzy and ill and couldn't even bring myself to sit at my computer or look at my phone. I couldn't look at them, is more like it. So I've just been..... binge watching TV series and trying not to vomit lol 
> 
> But! I'm beginning to feel better. I have some good days! Mostly not so good days, but sometimes I have good ones. Recently I've been having more good days, which hopefully means all the bad days will soon be far behind and I'll be able to write to my heart's content!  
> For a while there, because of all the blech, I lost motivation. Stuff gets stressful and then I'm sick and then it just sucks. I've begun to get it back though, and it feels very, very good.
> 
> So once again, I'm sorry for a short update and for posting it in parts. I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer, and it's not a terrible section to split at. I won't have you wait another 2 or 3 months for the next update. Can't promise that for next year since baby is due the beginning of May lol but I'm going to try my best to slam things out before it gets to that point again haha
> 
> Thank you for sticking around! And I hope you're not too disappointed. :) There will be more. I have many plans and many things to say still lol 
> 
> ALSO! I started (in August?) a Dragon Age Fanfiction server on discord. it's actually pretty active, and it's hella fun. Look us up if you're an avid discord user! We're on disboard - "Dragon Age Fanfiction"

  
The figure in the corner of the room leaned forward, readying to stand, their long dress of chain-mail clanging against the tops of their greaves. Amaryllis only had a moment to attempt to breathe before the person stepped into the firelight.

Purple scarf, short red hair, and a wicked gaze, wild and blue, though her expression somehow remained aloof. Leliana. 

Amaryllis’ heart thumped once, painfully, then began to pick up speed. Leliana came to stand in front of her, clasping her hands behind her. Amaryllis tipped her head back to attempt to meet Leliana’s gaze but found that it caused what seemed to be left of her brain to slosh against the confines of her skull. Pain shot forward and pricked at her eyes, not unlike the feeling of blood coming back to a limb after it had fallen asleep: a thousand needles, or the static of the white noise machine coming from under her parent’s bedroom door. She fought to keep them open and instead glared, squinting her eyes against the light glinting off the steel of Leliana’s thighs.

Amaryllis waited for the other woman to speak with bated breath. After a long moment of terrifying silence, just as Amaryllis had begun preparing herself to talk, the door creaked open, shuddering heavily against the wooden frame, and in stepped Cassandra. 

Bloodshot eyes flickered from Amaryllis to Leliana. The Seeker’s eyelashes fluttered as she exhaled loudly as if in exasperation, running the tip of her tongue across her upper lip.

Leliana was the first to break their silence, taking a step aside to acknowledge Cassandra’s entrance. “She’s awake.”

“I can see that,” Cassandra answered. “Why didn’t you send for me?”

Leliana seemed to ignore the question and instead moved toward the table to their left, running the tips of her fingers across the tops of papers strewn across. Finally she leaned forward, pressing her palms into the parchment, and stared down at Amaryllis. 

Cassandra crossed her arms over her chest, something Amaryllis was beginning to see was a trait of hers, and sighed again, long-suffering. Exhausted. She pulled a chair before Amaryllis and sat, then cleared her throat. “We have questions for you.”

Amaryllis closed her eyes and almost found the strength to snort, recalling what Varric had said to her the day before during their descent of the mountain. _You’re in for a treat, kid. The Seeker is terrible at interrogations._ “That much is obvious.”

She knew better than this, knew to be cautious with her words, especially with the position she was in. It didn’t take the angry glint in Leliana’s gaze, nor Cassandra leaning forward in her seat to look down her nose at her prisoner, for Amaryllis to realize these were not the people she thought she knew. Though what she remembered of them, exactly, she couldn’t tell. 

Instead of continuing, Amaryllis chose to bite her tongue and wait. Another long minute passed. Papers shuffled to her left, a pen dipped into an inkpot then tapped out the excess. Leliana leaned over the table and began furiously scribbling upon the parchment. The low light of the braziers cast shadows across her face. Her cheeks turned dim, hollow. Sagging, wrinkled skin, hanging jowls, and a once melodious voice turned vicious flashed through Amaryllis’ mind, so quickly she had no time to react before Cassandra cleared her throat, and began.

“I’d like you to start from the beginning,” she said. “The very beginning.”

Amaryllis blinked up at Cassandra, leaning her head back at an uncomfortable angle to look the Seeker in the eye. _The beginning?_ She thought. _...which one?_

  
Instead, she said, “that’s not a question.”

A hand scuffed against the table. Cassandra narrowed her eyes. “Let me rephrase, then. Start from the beginning. Now.” 

“I’m not sure what you’re asking. The beginning of what? Time?”

Cassandra leaned further forward, bringing her face closer to Amaryllis’, until she could feel the Seeker’s hot, angry breath upon her cheek. The heat of it caused her to shudder unpleasantly. She hadn’t realized just how freezing she was until she had felt warmth.

“How did you come to call a Dalish woman your sister?”

The question caused Amaryllis to pause, dragging her gaze from Cassandra’s to the floor. It should have been an easy answer. After all these years, it should have been easy for Amaryllis to tell her lie and move on, but her most recent discovery left her wavering _. I died and somehow woke inside a video game, and I only noticed this 14 years later._ It was the beginning. It was the truth. But how could she ever admit to it? 

She couldn’t, of course, not without facing imminent death. A mage, talking of a world and things these people could never comprehend, could never even imagine existed? They’d say she was possessed. They’d kill her. Would they stop to ask questions before they killed Ellana, too? 

_Sometimes it’s better to keep things to yourself in order to protect the people you love._

“I…” Amaryllis swallowed past the dryness of her mouth, wanting to cough but fighting the urge. Her throat constricted around the words. She remembered the dirt under her fingernails, waking naked and alone beneath the long, overarching canopy of trees she didn’t recognize. A woman with white hair, Deshanna, cradling her against her chest. Amaryllis could not forget the warmth that had surrounded her, then. The love and affection she had been given by people she did not belong to, by people who had every right to throw her back into the forest from which she came. “I don’t know.”

Her knees had touched the thin, rough blankets of her cot. She fell to her side, fisted her trembling fingers into the blankets, and was unsure of the time that had passed between one blink and the next. She wondered, when she found that she could think, when she might see the sun again.

Her eyes opened and beside her was Solas. Another man was to his right. She did not recognize him.

“Drink,” he said. A hand around her back aided her in sitting up, just enough for something warm and sweet to slide between her lips and quickly down the raw mess her mouth had become. When the cup was drained Amaryllis licked her lips, chasing its remnants upon her skin. Her eyelids drooped as if coaxed by the calm the tonic had given her. She opened her mouth to thank him, but her tongue clicked, her eyes shut, and she found herself drifting once more.

When she next came into awareness it was to the clamorous jangle of keys and the squealing cell door. Hands wrapped around her arms and she gasped, coming into awareness long enough to remember her sister where she laid in their shared cell. She turned her head to look, to see if anything had changed, feeling guilty for having forgotten, but Ellana was as still as the day before. 

The soldier to her left tugged her forward, causing her to stumble back down the dark halls of the dungeon. When they approached the open door where Leliana and Cassandra stood once more, Amaryllis gritted her teeth and steeled herself for what was to come.

Cassandra lifted the water to Amaryllis’ mouth, holding the lip of the glass steadily as she swallowed it down. After hours of talking, telling the same story, answering the same questions, it was much needed to soothe Amaryllis’ battered throat. When the water stopped flowing, Cassandra pulled the glass back to set it upon a table, and Amaryllis fought not to chase it with her tongue. 

Leliana barely waited for Cassandra to sit back in her chair before pressing on once more. “How, then, did your Keeper know of the Conclave? It isn’t as if it were a secret, but if your clan is as sheltered, cut off from the rest of the land as you say they are, how could they have known?”

“Hunters overheard a group of Templars passing through,” Amaryllis croaked for what felt like the millionth time. She wasn’t sure how many versions of the same questions she had already answered, but she had long grown weary of them all. “As I said before.”

“But why did your Keeper send you?” Cassandra asked. 

“To watch over the Conclave, and any decisions that were made.”

Papers shuffled against the table top. Leliana crossed her legs, pressed the tip of a gloved finger to one specific piece of parchment, and clicked her tongue. “For what reason would a Dalish Clan from the Free Marches need to send spies to ‘watch over’ Divine Justinia?”

“Our Keeper believed that any decision made by the Divine would have impacted our clan greatly. She was worried.”

“Your Keeper sent the two of you, then, to spy on the Divine,” the redhead repeated her story. Amaryllis wanted to scream. _How many times have we gone over this already? Why do they keep asking me the same damn questions?_ “But why was it that your sister was alone at the Temple of Sacred Ashes? Why did you stay behind?” Amaryllis opened her mouth to answer but Leliana continued on without stopping. She stood with a start and, same as the day before, approached Amaryllis where she sat, chained to the cold stone floor, crouching beside her. Her sapphire eyes seemed to bore holes into Amaryllis’ own. “Someone had to stay behind to report back, to tell whoever it is you work for that the explosion was a success. Murdering the Divine and everyone at the conclave, tearing down the Temple of Andraste, and opening the Fade, allowing demons past the Veil was all part of your plan, wasn’t it?”She froze, eyes locked in the swirling depths of Leliana’s. Her mouth fell open in shock. _“What?”_

“Tell me,” Cassandra did the same, leaning ever closer until she and Leliana were far too close for comfort, causing Amaryllis to pull back. The chains at her wrists tugged painfully on her skin. “How long do you think you can continue this ruse?”

“Who do you work for?” 

“Why are you here?” 

_“Who are you?”_

Amaryllis clenched her eyes shut, shuddering as the icy waters at her feet began to rise, covering her knees, her thighs, her chest, her shoulders, until it came to rest at her throat, clawing at her flesh like a fox with its leg caught in a vice, begging to be let free. The forest’s towering trees surround her on all sides. Mud, streaked across her naked stomach, buried beneath torn fingernails, was all she could see.

She panicked, scrambling to cover herself, to pry open the car door, to find someone, anyone that could help her. 

A gentle hand brushed her arm, pushed matted hair back from her sticky forehead, brought her to rest against their warm, solid weight. _“Da’len.”_

Amaryllis opened her eyes, pushed forward to lessen the strain on her arms, and said “You may interrogate me, ask me the same questions again and again, accuse me of things I know nothing about, but my answers will not change. I am who I said I am.”

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment or kudos! Authors love comments from readers who enjoy their work :)
> 
> Send me prompts at cullensawkwardneckscratch on tumblr!  
> I'm also on discord @ ar_lath_ma#3533.  
> You can also find me @ The Erotica Abyss and Dragon Age Fanfiction on DISCORD


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